You are here

You don't just get to say who is sleeping over my house

porcelian-doll's picture

Submitted by porcelian-doll on Mon, 08/05/2013 - 6:15pm

I walk out of my room in my bathrobe to get a snack and SD14 is sitting on the sofa with one of her friends. I asked her to come over to me and questioned why her friend was sitting on my sofa when no one asked me or DH if they could have a friend over. SD was very nonchalant about it. She tells me that because we know this friend that she thought it would be ok and her mom said she can sleep over.

Ok halt the train. I was trying to process why SD would think it would be ok to just decide without asking anyone that her friend could sleep over. And why they would ask her friend's mom but not consult DH or myself. I told SD her friend is not sleeping over and that if she had just asked we probably would have said yes but because she did not her friend will not be staying the night. SD throw a fit and called DH throwing a fit over the phone. DH agreed with my decision. SD went and told her friend she would walk her home and through me nasty looks and under the breath insults all the way out the door. I am sure she is walking with her friend now calling me all kinds of things. The funny thing is that if she had even muttered an apology or acted like she just forgot to ask or showed any shred of remorse or maturity I may have reconsidered.

Comments

Onefootout's picture

Submitted by Onefootout on Mon, 08/05/2013 - 8:58pm

Ana, I wish I had the authority you're talking about. I have almost none. It could be because we're not married, and SS16 was older when I came on the scene, and I haven't been around that long, so I think it's a little harder for me to just come in and start laying down the law. But I'm asserting myself more and more, as a bill paying adult in the house.

SS never has anyone over so it's not an issue for me. But I assure you, if and when SS does have someone over, SO will make a unilateral decision and will not consult me. Can't wait to educate him yet again on how to treat me as an equal partner. Fun times!

(Although, I'm desperate for SS to make friends, any friends, so I will probably encourage him having friends over.)

sterlingsilver's picture

Submitted by sterlingsilver on Mon, 08/05/2013 - 9:12pm

One time when ss19 lived with us, I got up in the middle of the night and went to the livingroom thinking I had heard something. I saw a blue glowing face sitting on my couch and there sat one of ss19's friends and his gf. I nearly jumped outta my skin and yelled what the heck are you doing in my house and they said ss19 said they could sit upstairs while they waited for rides. Oh so now ss19 is the man of the house eh? NOT. I sent them outside to the front porch to wait and locked all the doors.

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Mon, 08/05/2013 - 11:28pm

I've kicked out the friends of DH's kid a few times when DH wasn't at home.

I was disengaged but my house, my rules. If she broke the house rules in front of me, I dealt with it. Otherwise DH dealt with everything else.

goincrazy.com's picture

Submitted by goincrazy.com on Tue, 08/06/2013 - 9:01am

Ugh, I see both sides of this. I grew up having to ask and rarely getting sleepovers esp at my house. SD16 when she was staying at our house or when she does (rarely) she ALWAYS has a friend or 2 over and they spend the night for like 2 days and I have NEVER been consulted about it and FDH wouldn't even tell me. I would come home from work and SD21 her 2 kids, SD16 and her 2 friends, my bio...it was too much. I need calm when I come home- not massive chaos from teens who giggle and act stupid and leave their cans and wrappers everywhere.
I had to tell FDH two times too many that if I live there he should have enough respect to let me know there is a house full of people.

I wanted my own apartment so bad. Fast forward less then a year- SD21 and her 2 kids are gone. SD16 rarely spends the night and makes an appearance 2-4 times a month depending on what she wants and my home is calm and quiet. I may have got a little off track but FDH thought it was no big deal, thats what teens do- have sleepovers. NOT EVERYNIGHT!!!!

SD16 hardly ever comes alone, now she lost all her friends so she has her bf come with her. I think she uses her friends as buffers bc she doesn't like daddys "new" family UGH