Karate plan was a failure, onto Plan B
The karate class was supposed to happen yesterday. My Dh, Ss and I drove there together. The plan was that my Dh and Ss would go for the class while I did grocery shopping. We did not tell Ss about the class until we got there because we knew Ss would put up a fight about not going. He thought he was going to the grocery store with us. Maybe that was our mistake but there was no other way around it.
We pull into the parking lot and my Dh is explaining to Ss that maybe they should go for a class for fun. Ss flat out says no. Then my Dh tries to force him into going and Ss is not having it. He is clutching onto his seat belt. And his eyes start welling up with tears. He was almost going into those panic attacks he has once in a while. Of course, we did not push it any further. My Dh was dissapointed. He thought it would really help Ss. On the way back Ss is furious that we tried to keep it a secret. He goes and gets stays his bed, like he does 80 percent of the time. My Dh ate dinner with him in his room. Ss has not eated dinner with us in over a year. That is another matter.
So now onto plan B. My Dh will be going to the shelter with Ss to pick out a dog tomorrow. I went today to pick out a few and help "guide" Ss. The dog does stay in our house so I wanted to make sure they were nice dogs. There was a 3 year old border collie and 4 year old lab-poodle mix that was the cutest thing I have seen. I told my Dh about them. He said he will try getting Ss interested in those dogs. We discussed all our ideas to the therapist. She correctly predicted that Ss might not like the karate much but to try it anyway. She loved the dog idea. She just said that we should make sure that the dog is healthy and will not die anytime soon. Ss does not have the correct tools to deal with that right now. I hope he likes a dog tomorrow. He is getting more and more lonely. It is very upsetting for us to watch. I have been trying to find other ladies with children Ss's age so we can meet up and let the kids play together. It is not easy at all. I am just so busy and everyone seems to be in hiding.
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I would try the karate again!
I would try the karate again! I think it would be a great way for SS to build some confidence and nobody would judge him or pick on him.. I can't imagine any karate instructor that would allow that! I took it with skids for over a year (I am currently a green belt) and can't wait for BS1 to be old enough so that we can do it together. Maybe if you talked to SS about it and just went and let him watch a class, before expecting him to jump in and do it? That's what I did.. DH wanted me to take lessons with the skids and I was like I don't think so, that's not my cup of tea.. but I went and watched a class and was so impressed that I signed up right then and there and loved every minute of it. Skids of course lost interest like they do with everything else so I figured I'd just wait until BS1 and I can do it together before resuming.
The dog is probably a really good idea too, it's been proven that animals can do wonders with kids like your SS.
my Dh would never ever agree
my Dh would never ever agree to that. We left him with someone else once (even though it was his mother), and he was tortured. My husband will never be able to let him go. He has way too much guilt in this. This is my fear snickers. I think even if Ss turns 18, he will lack the skills needed to move out. I see him living with us until he is in his 20's. It is not a terrifying though, but still a bit depressing.
I really was hoping the
I really was hoping the karate would work. I would try it again in a few months. The dog is a great idea. I would also see if they have a group therapy for his age. That worked wonders for SS. SS13 got a little negative about something last night and DH said do you want to go back to the therapy again to learn how to have a conversation. SS said no, he hated it. But in the next sentence he agreed that it did change the way he approaches his friends at school.
Good for you guys for keep trying with him. Poor kid...Let us know how the dog goes.
Where we are, we do not have
Where we are, we do not have a group therapy session for child abuse victims. I am not sure how Ss would react to it. He has enough difficulty sharing with one therapist itself. If the therapist suggests group therapy then we will try that, btu she seems to think what they have right now is ok. We are going to try the karate again. Maybe next time we will build up the idea, instead of springing it on him.
I do not know if I mentioned
I do not know if I mentioned this. Ss does not handle being around men well. Which is curious to me because he was chatting online with a older man and he told us he was gay. I just think he is very confused. He was never able to deal with the male therapists. He is only comfortable with his father. So I am not sure how he would react to the big brother thing. I am not sure if we have it but we can look into it. But then you have my Dh who is suspicious of everyone now and does not trust other men around Ss. It is a very delicate situation.
Disappointed about the karate
Disappointed about the karate thing too... but concerning the dog - have you considered having your SS take your dog to obedience training? It's usually a group setting, I know our local Pet Smart store has Saturday classes. I'm sure the shelter would have info on obedience classes around your area. It will allow him to bond/work with the dog, but will also have some interaction with other people during the class.
I think the obedience
I think the obedience training is a great thought. It will offer a structured relationship between your SS & his dog. Dogs love unconditionally & will be a companion your SS can count on to "be there" no matter what.
The obedience classes I have participated in with my dogs were quite small. The largest class I've been in was 6 people. It provided an opportunity to interact with other dog-lovers, but there was never a session where it was forced. Your SS could interact with others as much or as little as possible.