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Goodbye Steptalk

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Submitted by praying on Wed, 03/02/2016 - 1:36pm

I have thought long and hard if I should post this. I cannot recognize any of the names here anymore. But I think I owed it to anyone who supported me to get some closure.

I wish I had better news but Ss committed suicide almost a year ago. He could not take it anymore. Some days I wake up and I feel glad that he is no longer hurting. That probably makes me a terrible human being. And I probably am. I just could not see a young boy hurt so much. The most heartbreaking part for me was that he died filled with pain. I wish he had a few moments of peace while he was still with us.

I have been gone for a while

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Submitted by praying on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 12:02pm

It has been a really long time since I posted. I am not sure if some of you even remember me. I tried leaving here on a high note. Unfortunately, things have got worse.

We had to move because our address was being passed around online. We had to tell Ss the truth and as expected, it broke something inside him.

The only words he will ever say to us any more are either curse words, or screams.

My Dh has not had one good conversation with Ss for almost 4-5 months now. Ss will call him awful, awful names. He insults my Dh as a father.

So upset

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Submitted by praying on Thu, 07/04/2013 - 12:34pm

Apparently Ss wants to go visit his mother. Who is in prison by the way. I cannot for the life of me understand this boy. Things are finally getting better. But I am sure seeing her will open up a bunch of issues.

My Dh tried telling him it wasn't a good idea and it ends up in a yelling match between them. My Dh is just so hurt. He hates that woman with every fibre of his being. But Ss still wants for her in way that he doesn't with us. And it hurts me too.

Update blog

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Submitted by praying on Tue, 06/25/2013 - 2:21pm

Hey everyone. It has been so long since I have posted here.

I have received a few messages here asking about how I was doing. Sorry for being gone from the site so long.

I guess I should start with the bad news first.

Ss has become extremely solitary. He spends most of the day in his room, ignoring us. At least he has the dog for some company. We had to stop him from seeing the girl because she was giving him alcohol and marijuana. Doing this created WW3 in our house. It was a nightmare.

Hi Everyone

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Submitted by praying on Mon, 03/18/2013 - 9:57am

Hey people of steptalk.

I was contemplating even posting a blog because I am not sure if the people I used to know are still around. There are so many new names. I am really sorry for such an abrupt and long hiatus from this site. It all just got too much. I will be replying to your thoughtful emails as soon as I get time.

Taking a break

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Submitted by praying on Tue, 08/14/2012 - 1:01pm

I would like to apologize for not reading and replying to everyone who sent me emails. Thank you for all for caring about me.

Ss tried to commit suicide a few weeks ago. He cut his wrists with some sharp object he found in the barn area. He planned everything out meticulously. He even found a small corner in the bathroom that was not covered by a camera. But fortunately they found him 5-10 minutes after he cut himself. He even cut his wrists vertically. Luckily he missed his left vein.

Is this even allowed?

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Submitted by praying on Tue, 07/17/2012 - 1:06pm

I really thought Ss would start accepting the help. Especially after my Dh agreed to go see him every weekend, including the Friday. My Dh told me that the whole time he was there Ss was either crying or sad. He was not even talking. My Dh was excited, thinking it was going to get better. He even made plans to go watch a movie with Ss but he was not up for it.

So my Dh came back bummed out. Then last night we get a call from the facility that they want Ss to start wearing "briefs", which is a glorified word for adult diapers.

I am supposed to forgive this fool?

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Submitted by praying on Thu, 07/12/2012 - 2:18pm

I apologize to everyone who posted in my last blog that I was not able to reply too. It got a bit much. I did read all your posts though and I appreciate your opinions.

What really hit home was that if it was one my children next year, I might be leaving 3 days a week too. So I decided to let it go for now.

I am still trying to get over how my Dh just made the decision withought me though. He came back today and acted like I was the best thing in the world. All hugs and kisses. But I was a bit standoffish I must admit.

I exploded

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Submitted by praying on Mon, 07/09/2012 - 11:59am

I am so angry right now. My Dh called me all cheerful. That Ss opened up today. He cried and asked my Dh to visit him more often. So my Dh promised to see him every Friday, Saturday and Sunday. He wants to rent an apartment in the area.And that after he made the promise, Ss calmed down and let him feed him soup. I lost it. I asked him if he even remembered the rest of us. I swore a bunch of times and hung up.

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