I am SO sorry to read this. I cannot imagine what you guys are dealing with.

Sometimes, animals in shelters have been abused, abandoned, starved, etc. They can be hurting and not trusting. They can be fearful. They can be angry.
Sounds like your SS. Make there's someone at the shelter who can talk to him about some of the more "injured" animals there. He may find that he relates to them as one hurting soul to another.
Animal therapy can be wonderful. If SS and an animal can work together to work out their trust issues, then maybe he can make a lifelong friend and one he trusts to tell his secrets to.
Best of luck.

Considering many animals end up in shelters because they are mistreated, it is understandable that there would be some that shy away & cower into a corner. Sadly, they feel much like your SS does. Many of them have been hurt by people they trusted & find it difficult to trust someone again.

I don't know if this is something you could explain to your SS to help him understand that it isn't him they don't like. Many of them have discovered that if they remain distant they don't get hurt again. Like all of us, they deserve to feel happy & they need interaction to feel that. Maybe if he understands that many of those dogs feel something similar to what he feels he could find it in himself to feel more compassion for them rather than getting angry.

When you go tomorrow, even if he chooses to stay distant, you & your DH interact with them. Let him watch how you interact with them & let him see how you warm up to them. Maybe that will encourage him to try again.

I do not want to turn this into a religious debate, but do you all go to church? It may be a thought to get him into that. Not that there are not bad people at church, but it couldn't hurt to try. Good Luck.

I don't have any advice other to say that back when I was young, if we acted like this as a child, we'd get a quick slap, told to "snap out of it and stop feeling sorry for yourself!"

Then told to "straighten up and fly right."

"feeling sorry for yourself" yup, that is a big one. My daughter can do that and it has been partly my fault. She has had some bad luck when it comes to her dad, and some other things, but I was not doing her any favors by feeling sorry for her. So I changed it to ackowledging the painful things but reminding her of all the great things she has, and the she has plenty of everything in life to run with it and have a great one. I also remind her , and myself, that with every interaction you have, you are teaching those around you how it is ok to treat you, or not. She got bullied and that kind of stuff and I am trying to show her she needs to take charge of that.
Sounds like he's turning this opportunity into a confirmation of his fears. Good for you for trying to make it a positive thing. I hope it'll go better tomorrow.

we'd get a quick slap, told to "snap out of it and stop feeling sorry for yourself!"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Then you had some messed up parents if they would have done that to you, if you had been maimed and sexually abused by a step parent! This boys life has almost been ruined, not by any step issues, but from a crappy BM and sexually deviant Step father, and you think he needs to be slapped and told to snap out of it.

Please tell me that you just don’t know this persons story?!

What about horseback riding lessons? The horses they use for those are usually very calm and understanding, and it would do your SS good to be around a living creature (the horse) that is not going to judge him and doesn't care about his past or his social standing. I have a horse, and I've been using him to provide therapeutic riding lessons to a boy who comes from a bad home situation and has a hard time relating to other kids. He is doing very well, and he can relate with the horse in a way he never can with kids. The horse will trust him unless he gives it a reason not to trust him, and that is very important to him. Knowing he has a creature that will trust his intentions and has bad days like he does really seems to resonate with him.

Oh, thats a great idea Elizabeth!

Auteur - I am not sure that is the point here. Praying's SS is a very troubled boy and for very good reason. SS isn't feeling sorry for himself. Of course he was upset when they cowered away. He knew exactly how they felt. Give it another try. When you've found the right doggie, he/she will do wonders that no human can ever do for SS. I want to climb through the computer and give you and SS a HUGE hug. Please let us know how tomorrow goes. I will be thinking of SS.

I never did like dogs after I was minorly mauled by one when I was little. But two years ago, we rescued a hound dog puppy we found who was starving, and I love her like I have never loved anything.

So I think a hound dog's temperament is easy, friendly and non- threatening. There are lots of kinds of hounds, mine is what they call a black and tan. Female animals to me are easier too.

I am praying for you Praying!! and waiting to hear how it goes!! HUGS

I was going to post about things irking me- found your post read the background and realized that no mater how Frustrating my issues pale in comparison.

As for dogs - I have had them all my life. Since adulthood my dogs have chosen us. Please try to explain to your SS that he doesn't want to just take any dog. He needs to find one where their souls connect. You can tell him that many times finding the Right dog might take months! We looked for weeks on Petfinder as well. I did major research on breeds.

You mentioned border collie - I have an aussie same working class MAJOR hands on to keep them occupied.

Good gentle family dogs - golden retriever, labs are both good. The Down fall to a lab is they are high mtc puppies until 3.

Why don't you make investigating breeds to find a few. Then look for obedience clubs in your area and see if SS can begin training. My YDD loved training And going to class. It gave her a since of connection and accomplishment.

As For horse riding lessons. Which you lived close I would love to help your little guy connect with those beasts!!!!!

I have 4.

Oh I would keep the stupid BM pics. But I would copy a few enlarge them and throw darts at them regularly.

I agree with what others that have said, the shelter can be a chaotic place for dogs and they are often stressed out and not at their best. Perhaps explaining that to ss will help him see the parallels. I was so overwhelmed at the shelter, we went to a private rescue instead. I also have Another trick for you to try too. Stick dog treats, beef jerky or some other treat in ss pants pocket. The Dogs will be dying to sniff him. Perhaps ask the shelter if ss can bring a treat for the dogs that might help, but if they say no, go with a hidden treat of some kind. Even if DH has it in his pocket and stand by ss that might help. Dogs can always tell when you have goodies in your pockets. Bottom-line, rub the kids shirt or socks in beef jerky before he goes into the shelter. Bonding with a dog will happen over time, but I think your ss needs to see an immediate response because of his past trama.

As a back up plan, consider visiting a breed specific rescue, those dogs are usually in foster homes and aren't as stressed as dogs in shelters. They still need good homes and you'll likely know more about the dog's history, plus it will give ss a chance to research breeds and characteristics. It might give him a hobby or a chance to join rescue group.

Please let us know how it goes. I think the unconditional love of a dog would be so very good for him.

I really hope this works out for your ss. My dog has helped me survive the skid, and knows when I need a cuddle, he is the only being that is always excited to see me.

Please let us know how it goes.