I urge you to think very carefully about this. 

You can't guarantee your precious dog's safety around SD. How could you ever trust her around a baby? Bottom line, you couldn't. And you can't guarantee that SD would be kept apart from your baby 24/,7.

I understand the desire to have children, and that you love this man. But there are enough red flags waving to REALLY THINK TWICE ABOUT THIS RELATIONSHIP.

If you want to stay with him, fine, that's your choice. But please think hard about bringing an innocent human being into this very messed up scenario.

PS: I'm not "hating" on your SO and his kid. Just trying to point out that you have to consider many factors...

Oh dear. Babies are just full on. Yes you have to consider the safety of your infant child around SD (she will treat your baby the same as your dog, if not worse because this child will have allllll attention 24/7 around the clock) but you will also have to juggle how your SO will handle how he will support you. 50/50 SD and a baby on top with what you are dealing with now.. I would not entertain the idea of a child until your SO gets a handle on this SD issue.

On a side note, whats wrong with having a baby in your 30's? Thats the perfect time as you are still young in your 30's. Live your 20"s! Go out, travel, spend money, time and energy on yourself! By that time, hopefully SD is living more with BM and gives you a break. A father agreeing to a mother having full custody of a child, isnt being a bad father. Its about whats best for the child. To me, right now shes unstable and needs to be assesed by a medical professional, like yesterday. This waiting around for BM would do my head in. Don't bring a child into your world yet, until everything is stable in your life. I'm 32 and trying to conceive #2 and still felt so young giving birth at 30. 

Do you want your SO to be the father of your child or do you just not want to be a parent in your 30s? 

That's not a judgment but a real question. In my early 20s, married to my XH, I desperately wanted to be a mom. I planned on having kids with my XH. Looking back though, I am SOOOOO thankful I didn't have kids with him. We had problems, and I know if we had a kid, he would have given me full custody and been an absent father (or, with how his new wife seems, they would PAS my child to gain control).

The biggest reason that I've been comfortable having kids with DH in a step situation has been that his kids aren't the problem. DH has had issues, but he has worked through much of that and continues to grow. His kids are mostly well-adjusted, and for the things they aren't, they are either in therapy for or he is helping them work through it. BM has always been the biggest problem, and thank goodness she has become less of a problem as the kids have gotten older.

IF his kids were such an issue that the only way we'd be able to have a family together would be to live separately and I'd have anxiety with my child spending any time with their siblings, I would have left DH. I'd rather have kids later (and I am; I'm 34 and pregnant with what will likely be my one and only), even on my own, than have to share custody in a situation like that.

So you need to decide if being a parent in your 20s trumps having kids with your SO in separate houses where you'll be anxious if SD and your child interact. I know it doesn't sound fair to either you or your SO, but fair and reality aren't always the same. 

I just dont see another way around having a family together and keeping SD away. 

To be blunt... this is not a relationship for you to have a child when you feel the only solution is to "keep her away".  I'm sorry.. it just is not workable is it?  Maintaining two households.. forcing your SO to split his time between his two kids.. who will BOTH suffer.. and we know you will push him endlessly to further estrange his daughter from "his life and your little family unit".  

This is incredibly unfair to both HIM and his daughter.  Yes, she may have issues.. and HE needs to get on the ball and help figure that out.. because he has no damn business having a child with YOU when he is a crap father to the child he has already created.  And.. yes.. he will resent you for pushing his child out.. and forcing him to split allegiance

Having a child with this man is a bad idea.. and staying with him period is a bad idea unless he gets a handle on his child's issues and helps her develop into a better human being.. 

I know this isn't the kind of advice people like to hear.. you want to have him.. have your little baby.. and shove SD under a bus for all you care what happens to her.. but the reality is that he has a moral obligation to be a father to the child he has created.. before he gets to mosey on in his life and start a whole new family that is angling to kick her to the curb.  

Seriously, this is such an unhealthy relationship. Please seek a therapist for yourself. The fact that you are choosing this for yourself indicates you would benefit from talking to a trained professional. 

Please. Save your life - you only get one. And PLEASE do not have a child with this man. 

I thank my lucky stars every day that I did not have a child with DH.  We are currently separated, and there's no way in he!l I would want Killjoy to have access to a child.

A child also would have added many years of money and childcare stress to an already fraught situation.

How long have you been with this guy? I ask because it seems like things are moving rather quickly, but I can't tell for sure. Before you even think about having a child with him things with SD need to be worked out.

And it would be completely unrealistic and unfair to everyone involved to set up two households so you can have a child with him. If you already had a child that would be one thing - but to plan to bring a baby into a situation where you would live separately part of the time makes no sense.