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Let's Shrivel Up Into a Little Ball

princessandthepee's picture

Submitted by princessandthepee on Tue, 11/29/2011 - 11:55pm

There's always a reaction. ALWAYS.

They are fairly unpredicatble. Always engaging.

I was very apprehensive to let my husband know I was having what felt like a relationship. I was apprehensive to let him know I was part of this site. It was the secrecy that did not feel good more than what drove me here in the first place.

One of the members on this site gave me the astute advice to let him know of my activities. I took that advice, and at times it has been more difficult or more relieving to read together what I have posted, at times painful to see him access the site to relive through my posting(s) very recent and raw events.

A few weeks ago in one of my posts I told a tale that until my having been corrected was my true understanding of what happened. I don't even know if the post is still there, and I'm not going to check to ensure accuracy with what I say now.

I accused my husband of being passive aggressive, or portrayed him in a way that implied he was. I said that he had turned away from me to sleep. I was not aware of the fact that he did not fall asleep because it was me who fell asleep. When I woke, he was alseep but that was because I had been asleep for some time and the night grows old.

I told my husband I would correct my inaccurate portrayal of him.

I had the point of this driven home to me after he read my last two blogs.

I think I have a pretty good understanding of passive agressive, whaddyathink? Or perhaps I'm simply a crazy white bitch.

But I'm not shriveling up. It's Tuesday. By Friday, my house is mine again.

Comments

princessandthepee's picture

Submitted by princessandthepee on Tue, 11/29/2011 - 11:59pm

In the nature of passive agressiveness, did I mention that it was driven home to me that I had, and it is true, promised to correct that inaccuracy a few weeks ago. But I didn't.

princessandthepee's picture

Submitted by princessandthepee on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 12:00am

But I'm using this angry opportunity to do so. I think I understand passive agressiveness.

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 1:57am

While I think it's OK for husbands to know about the site - mine does, I would not want him to read my posts. They are MY place for venting, and the venting is occasionally about him. He respects my privacy and does not ask to see the posts, and does not know my username.

Maybe you wish your husband to read your posts because it is your way of letting him know your feelings about his children. That's up to you, of course. But if I were him and read something about myself I felt was unfair - I would say so. Personally I think that he should not be reading your posts - but it is your decision.

giveitago's picture

Submitted by giveitago on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 3:49am

My DH knows I come on here...it's here or in his face! He'd rather I was here and, as far as I know, he's not read any of my posts. Even if he did he cannot argue any of the points with me! It's how I feel right there, righ then.
You could reitarate with him that's how you felt at that point in time, you are entitled to your own feelings!
Passive aggressive...that's a deep river!
As for the sleep thing, I am out cold as soon as my head hits the pillow (don't hate me now) but I have always been a sound sleeper. DH would only waken me if it were VERY important. There are many ways of getting quality pillow talk time.
I think you might want to reinforce with him that this is a VENT site and we can post here freely when we feel angry about anything, regardless of whether we are in the right, or wrong. Do not let him invalidate your feelings! Do NOT apologize for what you think or say on an ANONYMOUS blog!
I'd be telling him that it's how you felt, right there, right then, and it's subject to change...let him interpret that one!

giveitago's picture

Submitted by giveitago on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 3:50am

My DH knows I come on here...it's here or in his face! He'd rather I was here and, as far as I know, he's not read any of my posts. Even if he did he cannot argue any of the points with me! It's how I feel right there, righ then.
You could reitarate with him that's how you felt at that point in time, you are entitled to your own feelings!
Passive aggressive...that's a deep river!
As for the sleep thing, I am out cold as soon as my head hits the pillow (don't hate me now) but I have always been a sound sleeper. DH would only waken me if it were VERY important. There are many ways of getting quality pillow talk time.
I think you might want to reinforce with him that this is a VENT site and we can post here freely when we feel angry about anything, regardless of whether we are in the right, or wrong. Do not let him invalidate your feelings! Do NOT apologize for what you think or say on an ANONYMOUS blog!
I'd be telling him that it's how you felt, right there, right then, and it's subject to change...let him interpret that one!

giveitago's picture

Submitted by giveitago on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 3:51am

My DH knows I come on here...it's here or in his face! He'd rather I was here and, as far as I know, he's not read any of my posts. Even if he did he cannot argue any of the points with me! It's how I feel right there, righ then.
You could reitarate with him that's how you felt at that point in time, you are entitled to your own feelings!
Passive aggressive...that's a deep river!
As for the sleep thing, I am out cold as soon as my head hits the pillow (don't hate me now) but I have always been a sound sleeper. DH would only waken me if it were VERY important. There are many ways of getting quality pillow talk time.
I think you might want to reinforce with him that this is a VENT site and we can post here freely when we feel angry about anything, regardless of whether we are in the right, or wrong. Do not let him invalidate your feelings! Do NOT apologize for what you think or say on an ANONYMOUS blog!
I'd be telling him that it's how you felt, right there, right then, and it's subject to change...let him interpret that one!

bearcub25's picture

Submitted by bearcub25 on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 6:04am

I agree with StepAside. I do not even go on this web site at home so that SO doesn't start typing in the URL and up pops ST. My SO is a very private person and if he knew I was putting our personal lives on here, he would flip....even though no one knows who it is.

giveitago's picture

Submitted by giveitago on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 8:48am

I agree with no secrets thing, DH knows I am here. He has not asked me for my screen name or password because he respects my privacy. There's nothing I say on here that is harmful to anyone in our house anyhow...just that I have a harder time putting it to rest, more so than the people who piss me off because they do not seem to care! I come here to do my own venting when it's 'topic closed' here.
Even if he did come on and object to something 'someone' said I'd just tell him that if the cap fits wear it! No proof it's me! LOL I think it's an eyeopener for anyone to read what goes on in step families, I thought I was alone with my struggles and I honestly felt isolated by it all. NOT ANY MORE! Thank you all.

princessandthepee's picture

Submitted by princessandthepee on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 5:06pm

Yes, while I am glad that I shared with him my presence on this site, I made the decision today that since it is a place I have been allowed to vent, I'm going to continue to write only what I'd like to get out there. He is a good person and that shows. None of us is perfect and we all appear in less than favorable light at times. So what, big deal. I am honest and accurate to the best of my ability in my posts, and it was an unintentional misrepresentation of what seems to me not a huge aspect of the night. I just told him today that I am not going to discuss what I write on the site with him anymore. There are no secrets, there would be nothing I would post on the site that he doesn't already know. But I was really upset with myself for going along with making the correction because one, it's my blog, and two, what he did with princess was great and said more about him that my tantrumy correction.
So, he can read all he likes, but I'm not the one to talk about it with anymore : )

giveitago's picture

Submitted by giveitago on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 6:23pm

I am pleased to read that you are going to keep posting. You have the right to speak freely, especially in a forum like this. I am sure he will realize that you need space too.
I love this site because it lets me know that I am not alone in all the crap that ensues from BM and SKids. I like to stay postive though, and to help me 'get it off my chest' so to speak I'll vent on here. My family and personal friends are great but they have their own lives and issues, to which I listen and help where I can. This site lets us dip in and out, as and when we can. It's also anonymous, if someone I vent about wants to berate me for what I say then I'll just tell them that if the cap fits they can wear it!
Welcome!

princessandthepee's picture

Submitted by princessandthepee on Wed, 11/30/2011 - 6:48pm

Thanks, Giveitago,

I agree with you wholeheartedly. For that matter, I agree with pretty much everything that was posted in response. I imagine it's not uncommon for the spouse to feel somewhat invested in what is written, but yes, our blogs and responses have to be about us and for us. I would have gone more nuts than I already am without this site. Ooh, that would be scary for my clients . . . .