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Karma - update - OT (kinda)

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Hello Stalk friends :)  It's been ages, but I thought I'd post an update.

My ex has been blocked a while now, we don't entertain communication from him, only exception was 3 weeks ago for the 8 year old's birthday when she called me from her sister's phone.  Chatted with her for a bit, dropped off a gift, ignored my ex, worked out fine.

So come to find out, the house he was in (the one I spent ages finding and payed for up until literal months after I left) is being sold.  So he had to be out by the beginning of this month.  When I tried to drop the gift, he asked if I could help him move heavy stuff into the truck, which I declined, gave FSD8 her gift, told her happy birthday, then left.

So a few days ago I get a phone call from FSD12's phone which I don't notice until later, and I see I have a voicemail, I know she had reached out to me roughly a month ago because she started her first period and panicked and didn't know who to talk to, so I figured it was somethign like that (I called ex's mom and ended up dropping off some pads and panty liners at her house for her in a little bag to keep it discreet becuase she didn't actually want ex's mom or SIL to know)  I check the voicemail.  It was my ex.  He "needs me to unblock him and calllll himmmm so he cannnnn ventttttttttt" he then went into some details.

INstead of finding a place, he moved back in with mommy (I mean really, we all saw this one coming) and had a storage unit,  storage unit got broken into.  All the things he INSISTED he keep during the divorce? Gone.  The TVs (at least the ones he cared about he made a point to grouch about the fskids' being there still), guns (which was a dumbass move in the first place.  idk about anyone else here who may own some, but my guns stay with me wherever I'm staying, keeping them in a storage unit is irresponsible ownership imho), the funiture, his military medals (that's the only one I feel remotely sorry about), etc.

I called my dad a few minutes later.  Asked him if I was a terrible person.  Because I felt zero remorse.  My only thought was that Karma is a b*****.

 

Other life updates.  I"ve been going on actual dates (not dating anyone though, just casual dates), have been playing video games, enjoying life, and working with my therapist on my slew of mental health issues.  I'm hoping to mostly finish off my kitchen remodel this week and I'm considering what I'd like to do for a career change.

My biggest thing I know I need to do this year is move.  While I love my house, I love fixing it up, I think leaving the area is what's going to be healthiest for me in the long run.

Comments

caninelover's picture

Distance can help with a fresh start.  Sounds like moving is good plan.  Good luck and don't unblock him Smile

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

The amount of headspace I gained back just by blocking him and having he knowledge he couldn't contact me as easy, was absolutely amazing.  He'll be blocked forever.

Livingoutloud's picture

The girls have mother and a grandmother and they can buy them pads and liners. No reason to deliver hygiene items to their house. Do you think there not obtain pads if you weren't in the picture?

By delivering gifts in person when ex is obviously home you re-opened the door for further commutation with him. Keep him blocked 

I think moving out of the area is a good idea. You don't seem to be able to fully end it while you are still in the area. 

 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Girls stay with grandma nearly 24/7 and only moved there over the last week.  This was about a month ago.  And while yes she could have gotten them otherwise she just needed help for her first period, and when suggested she get her grandma to get her some pads she started crying about it being embarassing and how she couldn't.  But as part of the call to her grandma I made sure she was aware and could stock them moving forward. As for the mother.  She literally let them live in a roach/ant infested area where they shared a twin bed in the same room with her and her now husand, while there were about 30 cats roaming about, she obv doens't give 2 s***s about personal hygeine.

I dropped off the gift solely for FSD8.  And while yes he ended up being there,  I mostly dropped it as I dropped one in December for FSD12, and wanted to be sure that FSD8 got one as well.  I'd had the gift since roughly december and it was time for it to leave my house.  The visit was quick, he was ignored,  I told him no to any form of helping him, FSD8 got her gift, and then I was gone.

Everything is 100% ended.  zero communication with him, he's blocked, I feel zero compasion or loyalty towards him, etc.  My head space on that is in an excellent place there, as I've worked very hard with my therapist to stop any of the feelings of guilt I felt, thank you though, as I do understand your concern. Smile

Moving is mainly a good idea since I'm hella paranoid and trying to move forward with my life and he's a controling idiot and I want to be able to live without the worry I'll run into him somewhere and he'll try anything.

Livingoutloud's picture

I get it. Just the sad reality is you'd have to stop gettting things for girls and stop showing up where ex and/or his mom  lives  or it will never end. I know it's hard as they don't have proper care in their family and you want to help. And it's awfully sad. But since they are minors, it's impossible to just have relationship with them and ex not using it as an excuse to continue being involved in some ways. Being involved with minor ex skids could only work with a decent ex. It can't work with this moron.

who cares about his storage. It doesn't matter. He likely lied about it. 

futurobrillante99's picture

All of what Livingoutloud said.

Having escaped one of these creatures, I can tell you that ANY contact is a reason for them to keep sniffing around you. I'm sorry, but the best thing for you and the girls is to sever all contact. If they want to reach out when they are over 18, welcome them.

Even innocently, they will be used to gain information about your life and your whereabouts.

I understand the draw - the pull to be the kind person you are. These creatures use this against us. You need to be nicer to YOU. Your XSD's will be fine. They have family to tend to them. I know it feels good to be helpful. I know it hurts to let them go. I know you feel bad for them stuck with their toxic dad and all the women that will come and go out of their lives because of his abuse.

However, you cannot save them. Plenty of people have grown up with personality disordered parents and gone on to live healthy lives (raises hand).

((hugs))

I KNOW how hard this is. 100% no contact is the only way and never ever ever ever drop a gift off where he is. Mail it without a return address to their grandparents house if you insist on giving them a gift. Never in person.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

THank you Futuro :) 

I know I can't save them.  I"ve been slowly accepting that.

(hugs)

futurobrillante99's picture

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how much it hurts to have had such a positive effect on their lives and then to leave them with idiots when you loved them so much more.

Gimlet's picture

I've been thinking about you.  You've made a lot of progress, PAI, and I do think leaving the area would be the big shiny bow on this gift to yourself.

I know you love the girls, but I still think no contact is best because there will always be strings attached.

LOL at that flaming sack of shit thinking you would give a rat's ass about his stupid problems.  Loser.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I do agree. I"m not reaching out to them at all.  FSD12/s phone isn't blocked, but she very rarely reaches out as well as she feels some split loyalties.  So we don't talk.  When I move next I'm thinking I'll get a P.O. box for my return address if I decide to mail things.  No one needs to know where I am.

I mean honeslty. My only thought was that it was Karma.  I don't care that all his stuff got stolen.  That's a him problem.. If we wants to vent, he has a girlfriend and a mom.  He's not my issue.  We're not friends. We'll never be friends, he's blocked for a reason.

Gimlet's picture

I hope someone runs over his dick with a tractor someday, that's the kind of karma I'm talking about.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

If only.

StepUltimate's picture

No tractor skills here... so I'll pitch in $$ for the tractor gas/diesel.

Biggrin

futurobrillante99's picture

Your PO box will have to be in another town or they will know where you are. Any chance they can mail you at a family member's house or a friend's?

Ispofacto's picture

I'm skeptical that his stuff got stolen.  This is the type of story my exH or Satan would make up.

 

futurobrillante99's picture

I think the more plausible explanation is he failed to pay his storage unit fees and it was confiscated. Or he merely lied to make you feel sorry for his bad run of luck.

ndc's picture

I'm glad that ass had an encounter with karma, and I'm even more glad that you have blocked him and removed him from your head space.  A move will cap it all off!  Best of luck, PA!!

queensway's picture

I love to read a positive blog. I must say you sound good. After everything you went through I am happy for you. You are a strong person. You made me laugh when you wrote that he asked you to help move some heavy boxes into his truck. Wow just wow. This guy is from another planet. Clueless!!! I do believe in karma. Not sure if his stuff got stolen but hey at this point who really cares.

 

HowLongIsForever's picture

PAI you're a badass and I'm so proud of you! 

You are going to continue to do great things in life, I'm sure of it.

 

Aniki's picture

My dear PA, for some reason, an old ciggie commercial comes to mind: You've come a long way, baby!

I've said it before: I think relocating would be a great choice for you. It's so much easier to do so while you're young and don't have oodles of STUFF to move. But the biggest reason is because this would put necessary distance between you and that whiny, poopie-headed jackass. 

As for the whiny, poopie-headed jackass, Evil Aniki says... BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  Who else thinks WPHJ is single again? Otherwise, he'd likely be shacking up with his latest victim. I pray that he finds himself a YUGE pool of willing date-mates, such as women of a certain age (jaguars, panthers, cheetahs...) and hairy, musclebound bodybuilding buff boys. *diablo*