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OT - Just a quick update

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I'm officially on the market for houses. I found a cute forclosure I LOVE and am in the beginning stages of getting it. Hopefully it will come soon and smoothly, as I desprately need my own space. Plus it's priced 10k below the last appraisal and work has been done on it since.

Crazy is still attempting to control my life. But I have successfully started avoiding him, refusing to talk , hanging up on him, and in one case where he was acting like a spoiled 5 year old, I messaged his mom and told her to handle her child. I received a slew of "you told my mom on me?" Which I ignored, then a few hours later I told him that's how to handle spoiled kids. He's not enjoying it and has reduced his contact on his own out of the frustration of having to deal with that. Which is great.

I HAVE gotten to see the girls through his mom. She has them the majority of the time, and while I did pick them up from him once to take to get ice cream, the rest have been coordinated solely through his mom, whom it would seem is raising them for his dumb a$$.

I do have some pretty severe depression and anxiety, but my therapist has been crazy patient and calm with me and is helping me work through it to avoid medication, though she has opened up the door to talk about those being a possibility soon if things don't improve.

I started going back to the gym THIS week to get off the nasty weight I gained during the stressful divorce/marriage (because apparently if I went to the gym then I was just showing out for guys... nvm the fact I literally have my personal training certification and was a competitive swimmer... And have always loved forms of fitness...)

He tried to call two nights ago, asked when I went to the gym and if I was "dressing sexy" (idk what that even means, so don't ask. ZERO clue, I asked once when I was attatched to that leech and he gave me "well, you wear skin tight pants and you can sometimes see part of your sports bra." So I guess anything that's not like 1950s fashion is too much? lmao). I told him to eff off and go to he!! because I don't dress for anyone but me and it's none of his damn business anyways. Then I hung up and threw the phone on do not disturb.  He then went through his usual cycle of rage, then apologies and how apparently his girlfriend isn't the one he wants (hard to refrain from sending that to the poor girl), then threats, all of which I saw hours later, screenshotted and sent to my dad, we laughed. And I haven't heard from him since. So that's that.

Playing some online video games with some coworkers, which has been helping keep me sane in this current "avoid public" society. Smile

But, my care level is going down, which I think is an AWESOME step in healing.  So here's to continuing to move forward.

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In other news much more lighthearted. The super cute roommate still hasn't magically decided to date me as apparently I don't live in a Hallmark movie like several firends think I do (note: Zero interest in dating right now. But he is hella cute and they keep informing me that apparently at any second he's going to confess his love like in a hallmark movie). LMAO

Comments

tog redux's picture

Glad you are doing well!  Have to ask though: why are you having ANY contact with him? Change your numbers and go No Contact.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Becuase I"m getting to see the kids. Therapist and I do have a plan to reduce the contant and eventually cut that too. Which super sucks Sad BUt it is what it is.

Livingoutloud's picture

Why are you talking to him? He isn't even nice to you. He is calling you, his ex, asking if you are dressed sexy? I can't even...he has no respect for you. Why is he not blocked? Or at least ignored? 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I have been ignoring :)  Which has been going great. And I haven't heard a peep in 2 days, which has been magical.

Side note. He is blocked on EVERYTHING excludig regular phone currently (and facebook, becuase he made a second when he got the girlfriend and blocked me, so I couldn't find him to block his dumb a$$)

advice.only2's picture

Congratulations on the house, I hope you get it.
As for the ex, the more you reveal about him the more its obvious you were in a very toxic abusive relationship. I hope the therapist knows what they are doing encouraging you to keep in contact with somebody who is obviously so off the rails. I guess in today's day and age if my daughter sent me screen shots of all the crazy messages that some psycho was sending her I wouldn't be laughing I would be telling her to get the hell out of there.
I understand you are taking this seriously, I just wonder at the support system you have.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

So my therapist agrees that I need to cut contact eventually. I think she's more being patient with me than anything else.

Oh my dad has been my number one support.  When everyone else was basically giving me an "I told you so" he's been there listening to me genuinely. He's been exactly what I need. He agrees contact eventually needs to be cut, but is still there so we can laugh at how absolutely stupid he is.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Good luck with the house!!! 

Hang up on that narky man-baby every time he strays off topic (so, OFTEN). IMO, if you feel that you need to keep communication open for awhile, once he starts his shite, don't bother with DND. BLOCK him. You can unblock him later.

I know you want to continue seeing the girls, but I don't know if this will possible. See them using his mom as the contact. Don't see them if you have to have contact with him. xoxo 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I will!!!

justmakingthebest's picture

Congrats on the house!

Maybe the super cutie is waiting until you have healed more before trying any sexy moves on you- Maybe he is dreamy and a good person! Now that is a hallmark guy!

As for the ex- you are the one in control. Throwing him on silent was a good move. Just keep doing that and one day instead of silent, you will just block his number.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Maybe so. He's a sweet homie. Helped me out a lot over the past months. BUT. I don't really care either way, I'm not ready to date anyone Smile

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

We are all playing Animal Crossing.  I had to buy each one of my kids a Nintendo Switch and then I had to buy each one of them the $60 game and then I had to pay for some Nintendo online thing so they can go to their friends' islands.  So I bought a game and started playing it.  I did nothing else my entire three days off.  All my friends gave me their online codes and I could see that all my friends who I suspect should have been working from home were online playing Animal Crossing.   

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I WISH it was Animal Crossing! I lost the switch in the divorce! It's been world of warcraft.... LMAO.  THey talked me into it and all chpiped in to pay for it when I told them no. And now I'm an addict. lol

I tried to find a new one, but hte prices seem to have jumped with the quarantine, IF You can even find them.

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

I am now going to rename my ex husband ‘narky man baby’ in my phone! 

Best of luck probablyalready. 

SteppedOut's picture

I wish you were looking for a home in a different area.

I fear he will yet act in a very extreme way when you cut contact (which should be soon). 

I will also echo what others have stated above... I know you love the girls but you should also cut contact with them. It's not healthy for you or them. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

It'll be okay. The home is valued below it's last appraisal, in a desireable neighborhood, and the monthly payment is less than renting a single room where I couldn't have my dogs.

He may act in the extreme, but I'm not telling people my address when I move.  My family will have it, handful of close friends, and that's it.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Don't underestimate his ability to find and (continue to) stalk you. xoxo

StepUltimate's picture

Just sayin. A lot of my joy was robbed when I bought my 1st house as a single 31 year old... about six months after I had to get a restraining order for a schitzoid I dated for literally two dates before he unveiled his crazy (= 100% Nutz!). So my new homeownership quickly revealed (via mail offers to take out home equity loans!) how accessible my info was, and I had terrible anxiety for the first few months. Getting my 1st handgun and a fierce German Shepherd helped the most. Much more than the home alarm system I also had installed.

Fortunately, my creep never contacted me again. But just know that your info will be findable. 

I am so proud of you and excited about your new HOUSE! That is tremendous and I can't wait to read you & your pups are all moved in, motion detection cameras on RECORD 24/7/365, decorating in your own style. You're gonna have so much fun!

Team PAI!

SteppedOut's picture

My ex found me after I relocated temporarily to another STATE during divoce proceedings. I didn't buy, I had no utilities in my name. Nothing. But he had ties to law enforcement and was a military intelligence contractor (I located 2 gps devices on my car...who knows, maybe I missed one). My car was involved in an accident (someone hit me). My name was suddenly searchable. 

Does your ex have ties to law enforcement? 

ETA: In addition to real estate being searchable, utilites pop your address on backgrounds (the cheap internet kind). They update quarterly. So, once utilities are in your name, you have at the most 3 months. 

BethAnne's picture

Have you had your phone checked for tracking apps? Could he have installed something in your car? Your comment about him knowing that you went to the gym raised a red flag for me and his history of stalking you. Be careful. 

 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I did and I swapped gyms Smile

ETA: THe official gym swap was yesterday. lol. So hopefully that helps

Aniki-Moderator's picture

He may be watching and following you - no app needed - because he's a whackadoo. Constant Vigilance!