Rules and such
Hello I am a stepmother of two girls 6 & 14. I am a new stepmother and have no children of my own, but I am very wise and have been around plenty of children. To some degree I do know what I’m talking about and doing, but however dealing with step children I do need help in some areas. So here goes…..
First the 6 year old, she is the sweetest thing but I can’t get it through her head that every time we go to a store she can’t always get something, or expect to get something so we have this talk before getting out the car, but when we get in here she goes asking and I say no then here comes the pouting and the you’re a meanie.
The 14 year old, stays in my makeup, perfumes, jewelry, hair stuff. Apart of me don’t mind and there is the part that says get out of my stuff, only because some of it is expensive so it’s not for you to play in this didn’t come from the dollar tree store is MAC, SMASHBOX, VICTORIA SECRETS AND SUCH. She wants to stop every day after school and get a slush, no it doesn’t cost much but still.
I now have this feeling of I can’t go to the store and wear makeup, whatever I do and go they feel like they are allowed to as well, so I find myself stopping by the store before I pick them up so we can go home and I don’t have to deal with the store issue. I can’t help but to feel like the incredible hulk coming in and changing shit. In reality I have no problem saying no but I want the father to set some rules or clarify something’s. I believe if I had children that my style of parting would be different than the father’ she a little more lenient than I am or would be, and I think it has a lot to do with the way I was raised, kind of ole school, eat your food, do what you’re supposed to and maybe get rewarded. Whatever we were told we did, I know times have changed up still… Please help!!!!!!!! It’s not life or death but it is nerve racking.
- promise2hrt's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
ok first of all calm the fuck
ok first of all calm the fuck down. lol i am asking for advice these are not my real children and i am trying to make sure im not being petty on these things and she is not stealing she is a little girl who sees a woman beautifiying herself and wants the same thing im asking for a pleasant way to handle this and not be mean to her, and who said i fold??? thats why i said calm the fuck down smh, and read. i do try to explain things to them. if they where my own again i would do things different, but im trying to respect their parents and i am new in this situation. i am observing how their real parents handle things and where i can slide in and help improve things.
YOU SO VERY MUCH YOU WERE
YOU SO VERY MUCH YOU WERE VERY PLEASANT AND I THANK YOU FOR THAT. MAYBE ISHOULDNT HAVE REPLIED BACK TO THE OTHER PERSON THE WAY I DID BUT I WASNT EXPECTING THAT LOL. AGAIN THANKS!!!
again for some of you i am
again for some of you i am new to this situation and the children were and are spoiled and spoiled rotten before me so its like im coming in and changing things right off the batand have a problem with everything and thats not the case i just see and do things different than the grand parents and parents. also what a good allowance for a 14 yo girl??
Sweet pea I liked your
Sweet pea I liked your advice. Taking the upper hand from the start is necessary.
One of my favorite things my
One of my favorite things my daughters' school taught them in KINDERGARTEN is opportunity cost. Sure, I have $5 and I could spend it all on slushies or makeup, but I have to give up something else in order to do that. So if I spend $2 a day on slushies, then at the end of the week I can't go to a movie or out to eat or whatever else their currency is. My kids learned very quickly that just because you have money doesn't mean you need to spend it like water.
I had the same store problem
I had the same store problem with my son when he was about 5-6, I just would tell him no and after a while he stopped asking. So what if they think you are mean, I'm sure my son would tell you to this day that I'm mean but he still loves me. Being a meanie is not a bad thing. There are rules, no toy every time you go to the store and wearing my makeup is off limits, don't have to be ugly about it, just be stern. They will get over the disappointment. It's a part of life, you don't always get what you want.
I understand your dilemma.
I understand your dilemma. It’s a classic case of walking on eggshells as a SM because you feel like you’re under the microscope and if anything you do is perceived as being slightly “off” you know you’ll get called out for it. Even though the kids’ dad may not allow a certain behavior, there are likely times he will unfairly criticize you for not allowing the same behavior. The old double standard.
I would definitely not let the 14 year old in my makeup. As ripleyV2 said above, no one should share cosmetics because it’s unsanitary (hello, pink eye!). If she wants to have some makeup to experiment with, she can get something affordable from Cover Girl, Almay, etc. She would not be using my perfume either. Girls that age don’t understand that less is more. My SD12 always overdoes it on body spray and it’s gag inducing. No way would I let her waste my good perfume by using too much.
Today’s parenting style of not wanting to upset the kids by giving them the world on a platter is ridiculous. Letting kids think they can always get what they want is going to kick them in the arse when they become adults and find out the hard way that the world doesn’t work that way.
If your SD6 whines and
If your SD6 whines and complains what happens? Seriously, consider what happens. A) Some people will think you are mean (people you don't know and have no impact on your life)
Some people will think you are awesome (Again, people who have no impact on your life).
So now we have determined that the world doesn't really matter as long as you are not abusing the child or mistreating her you may want to speak to her in the car and say "SD6, when we go in the store and you ask for something the answer will be no. As long as your ask it will always be no. I do not care if you scream or cry or whine. The answer will be no. I am not a meanie and making a fuss will also get you nowhere. SO what is it to be? Good behaviour or bad behaviour?"
You are allowing a 6 yr old to hold you hostage. Silly isn't it when all you want to do is be a good stepmother.
The 14 yr old .... tell her when she saves up she too can buy the expensive brands. But these things are out of bounds for her. Not only is it stealing it is also unhygienic to use someone else's makeup esp mascara. But when she does xyz chores you will take her shopping for her own stuff. She wants thye expensive brands... this is what Christmas and birthdays are for. As for the slushie .. make Friday Slushie Day.
Thanks to you all for the
Thanks to you all for the advice, however i still find it hard when they are super spoiled by parents and grand parents prior to me coming into the picture and its hard to break bad habits, but ill try some of these things out and give it time and see what happens. Thanks.