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Housewife 125miles away from family, all alone, with 3 rotten trolls, or step kids

psychobitch's picture

Submitted by psychobitch on Thu, 04/26/2012 - 12:20pm

Sad Good afternoon to you all. I cannot tell you what a relief it is to hear all your stories. I really did think I was the only one and that failure as a parent because I don't won't to be one. I knew from a young age I never wanted kids, they make too much noise and smell. But, unfortunately, the man of my dreams, the really real Mr Right for me had 4 and had been a single parent for about 6 years- alchy mother abandoned them when the youngest was 2.

At first, all the kids were pleased dad had a new gf that he was likely to marry. I was proposed to on Mount Everest and got married on a frozen lake in Finland in minus 15 weather, so we really have had some special times. HB is perfect, but being a single dad was not great on discipline or housework. I verge on the obessed side to HW. Well, I treid to instill some basic hygine and safety procedures around the house. I worked full time when i moved in with my husband which was 125miles away from my job. So after having a 13hour work day I'd come home and do all the housework.

Sorry to waffle on...now I have been a proper HW for nearly three years as working so far away wasn't good. My SK are so inconsiderate around the house I can't even comprehend it...the last straw was the other day when I had washed the kitchen floor and the kids came out of the pool and walked on the floor with muddy footprints and laughing in my face when I got angry. And then I found out they had secretly got a hamster which HB and I said no to.

Just got back from Dr's today and am now on anti-depressants. When the kids are at home I sit in my bedroom alone all night. I only come out when they are at school. Is the misery staying here better than the misery of walking away from the perfect man??? Only been a SM for 6 years, living with them for 3, and I just keep telling myself that they will leave home one day.

Oh, and they are verbally rude and nasty to me all the time when HB is not around, and HB never tells them off for it...PLEASE HELP ME...I'm about to put my head in the food blender...x

Comments

WickedStepMom18's picture

Submitted by WickedStepMom18 on Thu, 04/26/2012 - 12:26pm

Don't put your head in the food blender. He isn't the perfect man if he isn't sticking up for you and calling his bratty kids to the carpet for their disrespect. He needs to get his kids in line or they are going in the food blender!

psychobitch's picture

Submitted by psychobitch on Thu, 04/26/2012 - 12:29pm

Yeah, all 3 living at home still 'Troll Soup'..I bet it would taste bitter as hell }:)

I AM NOT ALOOOOOONE, THANK YOU SATAN }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:) }:)

Helena.Handbasket's picture

Submitted by Helena.Handbasket on Thu, 04/26/2012 - 12:34pm

I feel your pain. I'm sorry its come down to antidepressants. I have been where you are. The first line of defense is to get back to your old self again.

I can't say what will be the most correct thing for you to do to handle your situation, but here are some steps I took
1. Worked to get off meds
2. Exercise, signed up for gym
3. Signed up for some extracurricular
4. Found friends (even acquaintances) who would head out to dinner one night a week for a girls night. This also came in handy when SO and skids would be downright and boldly rude and gave me a place to go. One night this happened. As soon as the inconsiderate thing happened, I said "I'm heading to meet 'friend' for drinks, see ya later' I left so abruptly, without warning. He got the message. I came home 3 hours later happier after my margarita buzz wore off. Start finding friends! You need a life outside this nonsense.
5. I began disengaging. Its not for everyone so read below and see if it will fit you. I will advise that you NOT tell skids or SO ahead of time you will be doing this. Just do it. But you know your situation best, so if you feel its better to use disengaging and tell them first, go ahead.

This resonated so much with me. Maybe you will start seeing its not you, its them.
http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ls7orpXfSY1qa5z1ro1_500.jpg

Disengaging
http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
http://csmchat.weebly.com/disengaging.html
http://www.steptogether.org/tencommand.html

Come here as much as you need to for support!

psychobitch's picture

Submitted by psychobitch on Thu, 04/26/2012 - 12:56pm

OH MY GOODNESS...thank you soooo much. Just a couple of things I need to say though, in my initail blog I said pool, having reread this it might sound like I'm rich, well, the pool is a large paddling pool and my garden looks like a rubbish dump, HB and SK just throw rubbish out of windows or doors...I know.....But, unfortunately for me, the buses in my area do not run at night, no services on Sunday and i don't drive...too many animals crossing the road, would be beside myself if I run one over....I am completely dependant on HB for money as I gave up work, don't even have a bank account, and although my HB is far from tight, we don't have alot of money to spare. even if I could go out there's nowhere to go.

I did take up running for a while and the solitude did help, but I have a hip problem possibly -AT ONLY 40yrs, and so that is on hold until may when I have xrays. My only other hobby was shopping of course, especially shoes & boots-my most was 140 pairs-no exageration- and ebay is wonderful as I can do it at home, but I sit here and look at all my gorgeous things that only ever gather dust.

I have loads of things in my mind that I did have going on recently: a book idea, a few inventions, I alter my clothes, I have my own ebay fashion business, but I have absolutely no enthusiasm for any of it now. All I do all day is constantly find stuff to make me feel better and give me more energy such as cola, caffine, mood pills etc ect. Nothing works, not eaten for two days but I thought about leaving my husband yesterday and it made me feel physically sick not being with him...what a basket case I feel......love & hairy hugs (my HB nickname is hairy ape, as he's fat and hairy, just how I like men) xxxxx

psychobitch's picture

Submitted by psychobitch on Thu, 04/26/2012 - 1:13pm

Hello again, sorry to go on, but I've just been close to tears reading the sites you recommended, I thought it was just me being a crap parent as I all I ever wish for is for them to leave home. It is all so much clearer to me now, no instant miracle cure but such an amazing understanding of the situation that I have never even considered. Every single step parent should read that xxxhairy hugs and love xx

psychobitch's picture

Submitted by psychobitch on Thu, 04/26/2012 - 1:27pm

I have just read what 'disengagement' means, so simple but true. I can't believe I went from about to put my head in the food blender to being totally enlightened....but....I would love an answer to my home situation....I agree with everything about disengaging, but when it comes to the condition of my house, I am the only one that is not willing to live in filth and squalor like the HB & SK are. If I want a nice clean house I have to do it all myself. SK's never come to me for much as I don't drive, have no means of funds and they are at an age really where they don't need to ask permission to do anything, 14, 17 & 19. They would always ask HB anyway as he always says yes. But despite all that, they are still inconsiderate around the home, I have nothing really to threaten them with. BYW...my HB never had a problem with me dishing out punishments for the kids if deserved..xxx