SS10 came for his Thanksgiving visit and we were told by BM that he ay have to stay with us for a while because she was moving. A few days later she shows up with  3 trashbags full of his clothes and his school laptop saying that he is in virtual school until January 15 and that after that we might have to enroll him in our district school. Fastforward 5 months SS has been in in virtual school in our district since January. BM has only seen him 3 times since then, we found out this weekend that she is living at a hotel that is known as a hooker/drug hotel. I only know this is where she is living becasue SS spent the night with her on Saturday and his phone has GPS on it. I have tried to make SS feel at home any way I can think of becasue I would imagne that the whole situation must be a lot for him to deal with.

Here are my issues with all of this. 

SS is a royal pain in the ass. He lies constantly about school and homework. If I don't check every night he will say he has no homework, I constantly get text from the teacher telling me that he has logged off early or not logged in at all. A lot of the times that he is supposed to be in school he is logged into Youtube watching videos. He sneeks into me and DH bedroom and roots through drawers and moves things. I put clean laundry on the bed as a deterent but he only knocked it all onto the floor. If I tell him to stay out of my room he gets argumentative and slams doors. He constantly forgets to close the refrigerator door, last night he did it and milk and lunchmeat was bad this morning when we came down for coffee. I have told DH that he needs to start being punished in ways that hurt him (take away his phone or game controllers so he can't play). DH yelling at him dosen't do any good and he has started yelling back. DH laughed when I suggested taking things away from him but it will be the only way to get to him.

He is a slob and eats and drinks in his bedroom and never brings dirty dishes or glasses out unless you tell him to, I have said that I didn'ty want him taking food to his room anymore and was basically laughed at, I'm surprised we don't have bugs or mice in there.

I feel like a broken record constantly telling DH about SS and school but he is failing becasue of his lack of participation and I feel that if he fails it is on me because I am the one at home with him while he is in school. I raised my kids very differetly there were consequences for their actions. My son had ADHD and ODD and was put on medication at age 6. I think SS needs to be tested for ADHD and medicated if needed, BM said he had ADHD but was not actually tested and was put on a very mild medicine for it DH stopped that as soon as SS came to live with us so I don't know that it actually worked.

DH isn't doing his son any favors by treating him the way he does, he is more concerned with how SS looks and if his hair is brushed correctly than how he is behaving becasue he always seems to have an excuse. I find it disrespectful to me and his teachers that he cares so little about school. 

SS isn't a little boy anymore he is as tall as me 5ft and weighs 120lbs, It's like talking to a freaking wall most days and my anxiety is through the roof. DH doesn't understand why I don't go to karate with him when he takes SS, I thinks it pretty obvious that I don't go becasue I need that hour away from SS. 

Thoughts are appreciated.