letting go of control
letting go is terribly hard........
i will be the first to admit, i like things to go my way. however, i am also ok most of the time if they don't. for some stupid reason, i CAN NOT let BM win. i hate her having control of every little thing! she makes me insane, and sometimes i almost feel on the verge of obsession about what she does! am i crazy, or do others feel this way, too?
she has to control everything, and i hate it. for instance, the weekend of our wedding, BM would only let us get SKIDS early if we did her a favor 2 weeks prior to that. now, though, she is claiming that we agreed to allow her to keep the kids this weekend since we got them early on our wedding weekend. at one point, we had tossed around the idea of letting her keep them so she could take them to her neighbor's wedding, but she is not following through with what she was court ordered to do, so we told her that this weekend we would be picking them up. when DH told her that, BM told him that she already RSVP'd to the wedding, and it was not in SKIDS best interest to come with us since they are looking forward to this wedding. (none of them care if they go or not!)
part of me wants to just say screw it, and not worry about seeing the SKIDS again so i won't have to deal with that woman......i know that the kids would be hurt, but is it better to let them be with BM all the time, or have BM ruin everything we ever try to do with them anyway???
all opinions are welcome!
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I have found that our BM was
I have found that our BM was fighting for control, not the kids. When DH finally somewhat let go, it was sort of like letting go of a tug a war rope - BM fell flat on her ass.
BM didn't want the kids, she just didn't want DH to have them. DH still caves to BM for pretty much any request - but I stopped changing plans.
If BM won't let you have the extra day or waits til the last minute to grant her permission - I am going anyway, with my kids and alone if need be.
You see, we have the skids 50% of the time - but BM has us on this split weekend schedule, meaning, she gets them friday night until saturday 6pm then we get them saturday at 6pm until sunday 6pm - every weekend. This means if we want to have ANY weekend plans with the skids, we have to ask her permission to do so. That means any kind of out of town trip like camping or anything for a Saturday.
As you can see, we never get a weekend alone either - DH has never once in the 4 years asked BM to WATCH the kids so we can have a weekend without kids - we have only ever asked FOR the skids - she has even said, I don't really want the kids but I just don't want you to have them or have any alone time with your wife.
Its all about control - always is - everything BM does is about control. At this point, we haven't been camping this year yet because DH doesn't feel like asking for a favor - its pathetic.
i agree with the others..it
i agree with the others..it is about control..so take it from her!!! it may hurt the kids but in the long run she'll stop using them for power..