confused and stressed

SK say they hate me and their dad. They refuse to come here, never call, EVER, only text to say they aren't coming or to say something horrible. My husband says he loves them but its there choice. I don't want them around bc of some much that's happen, but I cant stop obsessing about it! Dad seems fine with it. I disengaged awhile back and have even decided if they come back around I'm leaving the marriage its been so bad. I have exactly what I wanted (in the beginning I wanted the Brady Bunch, didn't happen)and now im obsessing over it! Is he really ok with all this or just saying what he knows I want to hear?

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Second-guessing and doubt are

Second-guessing and doubt are just normal. DH may be giving you lip-service but he may feel relief at the hiatus from drama. He may have his own entire wheelbarrow full of second-guessing and doubt and not want to add to your burden by sharing it. Consider this time a break 'cuz the skids will more than likely be back around at some point.

Good people sometimes re-evaluate situations; Jerks never look back.

He has actually said hes

He has actually said hes relieved to have a break from the drama. The oldest hasn't spoken to him for 2yrs other than to send nasty text messages. I don't want them to come back, that's why I feel so bad.

Good point. I never thought

Good point. I never thought of "... releasing them from the stress and pressure."

The oldest is 17 and hasn't

The oldest is 17 and hasn't spoken for 2yrs. The other 2 are 11, they were coming a few hrs one night a week and every other Saturday for the day and sunday for the day. They haven't spent the night for over a yr. After Christmas is when they stopped coming at all. We have sent them messages ( wont answer an actual call) and tell them we love them and will come get them any time they want to come. DH says to stop sending messages. They said they don't want to come back and I need to leave it alone. I don't know why I even worry about it bc I know if the oldest one ever comes around a divorce is in our future.

You worry about it because

You worry about it because you are a sane, loving mother who dreamed of the Brady Bunch.

I so needed to hear that!

I do ALOT of praying!

BM tells them he doesn't pay

BM tells them he doesn't pay child support and doesn't want them. Both which are total lies. He says shes's tried to brainwash them about him and his entire family all their lives.

Pas?

I have read some of the stuff

I have read some of the stuff on here to DH. He said that if his kids ever acted like that, he would have no problem letting them go. Fortunately, my S-kids, while annoying, are good kids. They treat me with respect (most of the time), so I haven't had to deal with a lot of issues that some do on here.

I think your DH may be relieved and honest about what he says.

The oldest flips us off every

The oldest flips us off every time she sees us. I have been slapped and shoved by the younger 2. We attend all their ball games and they won't even acknowledge us being there. I guess I have such a hard time with it bc I adore my children and they would never act like this. If they even tried I would end it very quick! All kids are going to push the limits but this is way beyond that.

You are right.

It is a struggle to let go.

It is a struggle to let go. and DH im sure has some sort of emotional battle going on in his own head. I am sure he is handling it his own way to not put any pressure on you. Enjoy the moments you have and stop stressing about the skids. I would love to go a day without being with "princess" so take the time you have and focus on your marriage. instead of stressing about them find something WORTHY of your time. becuase stressing is not WORTHy of your time. Easier said than done. focus on something you like to do. You are normal for wanting more with the skids. but for some sparents its not possible.

>>hugs<<<

Thanks everyone for the

Thanks everyone for the input. It helps so much to have someone to talk to about it that knows what I'm talking about. I adore my husband and want to be exactly where I am, without them. As the old saying goes, guess I shouldn't borrow trouble.

Just let him know that if he

Just let him know that if he ever wants to talk about it you are there for him. It is hard to let go even when to keep at it causes you stress because you love your husband and you think he is hurting.

Let him dictate what his relaionship is going to be with them. You just need to be by his side.

That's it exactly!!! I keep

That's it exactly!!! I keep waiting to see what they are going to do next. I really don't think they will ever come back. I worry that they won't come and then I worry bc I don't want them to come and I'm afraid they will! We never argue over anything other than this topic. We don't argue bc of me not wanting them here or anything about them really. We argue bc he says I can't let it go.

LOVE IT!!!!!!!

I have one more question.

I have one more question. Should we continue to text them when its suppose to be their time to be here and ask them if they want to come? They have said they do not want to come back. DH says leave it alone and let them tell us when they want to come. I have sent a message and told them we will come get them anytime they want to come.

I need to clarify something I

I need to clarify something I said. NOW we dont' fight about the kids. When they come we argue the whole time they are here and days after they leave. He does discipline them and he NEVER disagrees with me around them. It's jus the stress of what they do and how they act. The things they say is rough. I would start tensing up the day before they came bc I knew what was coming.

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