Does anyone use a Police station as the pickup/dropoff point for visitation?
A member of another step community that I belong to has an XH that is a substance abuser and posted a question on how to deal with visitation when the NCP is an addict/alcoholic.
Her original post and my response are included in this post.
Any thoughts? .......
on may 9th, ex husband drank and smoked pot while he had my son. After lying to me about it he then avoided me, when I finally got a hold of him I told him there would be no more overnight visits. I did make arrangements for him to see my son on mothers day for a few hours. On mothers day I waited 45 minutes to show up and he never showed up at his mothers house so I left. The next day I called to see what the issue was and he told me that he was stranded at his sisters without a ride home or a telephone. Which in his code language means he got so drunk saturday night was awake to get a ride home. It is a violation of the visitation order for him to drink 24 hours prior to seeing my son. I want to know if I should keep trying to arrainge times for him to see our son or make him do it. All sunday and monday my son kept asking him "daddy home yet". I don't want my son to feel like his father doesn't want to be bothered with him, but then at this point I don't think his father deserves such a great kid.
Posted 3 hours ago by Nellerray; Group member, 95 posts
Nell,
Sorry to hear about your XH's substance abuse and judgement issues.
My recommendation would be that you arrange times for your XH to see your Son but that you require that he call you ~.5hrs prior to the the arranged time to confirm that he will be there. No call, they you don't bring the kid. If you are not comfortable with him comming to your home or going to his then set the transfer point at a local Police station as close to half way between his home and yours as possible.
If it is in the judgement that he is not allowed to drink w/in 24hrs or a visitation then I would order a personal breathalyser unit and make him blow when he shows for a visit. If drugs are an issue then order the chemical screening tests and have him pee in a cup. If he either smells of alcohol or blows/tests positive then have one of the officers resident at the Police station transfer point document his intoxication for your future court activities and/or arrest him. If he smells of alcohol or blows/tests positive leave immediately with your child and let the Police deal with him.
My opinion is that, though some people have addictive personalities, that intoxication or drug use whether addicted or not is a choice. Calling it a disease just allows the person making the bad choice to abdicate the accountability for their actions.
Use the Police station as the return site when your XH is done w/ his visitation. Have him blow and pee when he drops the kid off also. If he refuses ask the Police to test him and let them arrest him for intoxication and child endangerment if he tests positive or refused to provide test samples.
Using a Police station as the drop off/pick up point and requiring a call ahead for visitation brings accountability for his actions to a whole new level and he will have to "shit or get off of the pot" as far as visiting his son is concerned.
I applaud your protection of your son.
Just my thoughts of course.
Best regards,
Posted less than a minute ago by Rags1; Group co-owner, 588 posts
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My In Laws do.
FH's mom is married to a man that has 2 young daughters. BM in their situation is SUPER crazy. She even tried to accuse my FIL of pulling a gun on her at one of the pick ups... too bad they all take place in the police station parking lot and everything was caught on surveylance camera... she was caught lying... nothing of the sort happened.. the judge smacked her on the hand, and let it go. Too bad... she is an alcoholic as well.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )
Yes we did after BM called the police on DH knowing he was
Coming to pick up SS "like usual" on the weekend- That is why we are going to get our court ordered custody/visitation starting at our first court hearing on Monday I mean she actually had the nerve to stand in the doorway calling 911 saying her kids were scared and that he was banging on the door and acting crazy.. Then she turned to DH and said "I got you b*tch" Wow.. Our lawyer is going to try to subpoena the 911 tape, after the fact she called back and cancelled the call- DH called the police dept. to explain what happened and apparently they have been to BM's house plenty of times before- We thought the police station would be ideal instead of BM's front porch from now on.
There are cameras in the parking lot and that way she couldn't pull anymore of the false stuff and would think twice about showing out- Meet right in front of the police stations front doors a lot of people do this.
We did this too for a while
We did this too for a while at the beginning...but as the kids get a little older, it gets harder. For example, we teach them that the police are there to protect good people from bad people, make people follow the rules etc. Well, if your kids are anything like mine, that got followed up with questions about bad people going to jail, policemen giving "bad tickets", etc.
So when we had to go to the police station to pick up SD, they started asking the questions about why were we doing it there? Was SD bad? Was SD's mommy bad? Was Daddy bad? etc...It became difficult to truthfully say why we were there without coming across as bad-mouthing either parent.
Their 5 year old minds are still fairly black and white, so it became difficult to explain. We have sinced switched the location to a strip mall parking lot halfway between both homes. A lot less questions and easier answers for those that do come up.