How much of "I brought you in to this world and I can take you out!" applies to StepParents?
My kid (SS-18) is about to be strangled and fed to the fish.
He is still the most polite, well behaved and personable kid imaginable but he is LUCKING FAZY!!!!
Since the kudos he received from the recruiters he has done what he always does after a success. He blew the doors off of his interviews with the Armed Services recruiters, aced the ASVAB, basked in the glow of the kudos and ...... has done absolutely nothing to move foreword with is life.
He has been laying around the house for two months. He does nothing until his Mom or I put our foot up his ass.
He is continuing to prove that the only thing that will motivate him is to avoid abject misery.
So, I had a man-to-almost man with him on Monday and let him know that he had 30days to sign on the dotted line with one of the Services, have a job and apply to Community College. Currently it can take as much as a year to get started with Basic/Boot Camp and I am not having him laying around the house doing nothing but growing nose hair.
He also heard the message that since his mom and I work and he is an unemployed do nothing couch potato that he was our beck and call boy until he was self sufficient. The kitchen, dishes, vacuuming, bathrooms, etc will be done daily. Failure to deliver on any of these items would take days off of the 30 that he has. Whether he actually comprehends the message remains to be seen.
I also told him that if he could not demonstrate to me that he had made significant effort in the all of these areas that he could use the last of his money to buy a bus ticket to SpermLand.
No screaming, no yelling just a very focused talk.
We shall see if he got the message.
His mom came in for the recap of the man-to-almost man, agreed with me stood there with her arms crossed, her hip cocked, taping her foot and giving him THE mom look. We shall see if she backs me as I pitch him out the door if he fails to perform.
Any thoughts, suggestions, good places to dump a body?
Best regards,
- Rags's blog
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Comments
You are very lucky that your
You are very lucky that your wife backed your plan. Most moms are not that smart about doing what is best for their own child.
What is SpermLand? His biodad?
I have a very lazy stepson also. He used to go and live with his biomom for months/years at a time after he got out of high school. She had very low expectations and demands about his progress towards self-sufficiency. I didn't care if she supported him - I did my best to raise him from age 8 to 18 while she lived in another country and never once visited him. I beat my head against a wall trying to make him self-sufficient but when he turned 18 I felt justified in throwing in the towel and I quit caring what happened after that. He is now 26 and has been living on the street, homeless, for 2 years.
You are doing the right thing Rags. I wish my DH (my stepson's dad) had backed me like your wife does. Things might have turned out differently for my stepson.
i admire you A.Deville, i
i admire you A.Deville, i really do and i wish i had your strength. I am to my wits end out of things that i probably talk myself into will happen. the reality ss17 is a sr in high school, he has already been accepted to a 4 yr college in the fall. ss15 talks randomly about all this stuff he is interested in taking up, mainly auto tech schools. his BM is telling him that he should do a 2 yr college and move on to something from there.
NOW in my head i see ss17 deciding after a week of college that there are too many people, Dh and BM didnt' agree with me that ss17's would be better somewhere smaller because he's such an introvert, so he's going to a state school, deciding it's not what he wants, moving in with Dh and i and going back to his ways of computer and legos all day long. i see ss15 himhawing around all 3 years remaining about sports broadcasting, bathroom attending - oh yes - this kid loves to judge bathrooms when we go places. i'm sure this was cute as a kid so he kept it up. weather man and an automotive tech - this is what Dh would like. i see time expiring and still no decision so ss15 will also be a permanent fixture in my house. dh will have his buddies to hang out with and i will be moving out because i'm almost there after 3 years of dealing with them all summer long adn i haven't chilled out from this year yet.
Dh has told me he has plans to make ss17's room a bigger livingroom/movie room with new couches and tv and ss15's room will become a big ass closet. we have limited closets in the house and Dh has more clothes/shoes than i do - but he's also 13 years older. this has me excited thinking that DH has plans for their rooms therefore the skids are not allowed to stay after 18, but DH cant' say no to them because THEY'RE MY BABY BOYS!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
SpermLand is where BioDad and
SpermLand is where BioDad and the SpermClan live. It is in the US but seems to be on another planet when it comes to good decision making.
It is sad that these kids seem to recognize the benefits that they receive from us parents (Step or Bio) but many have problem translating the example we provide in to action.
I know I did but eventually I figured it out and luckily did not have to live under and overpass panhandling before I caught a clue.
I hope your SS figures it out soon. Though you have done your part to raise him I am sure his situation is upsetting.
Best regards,