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O/T - Adult Truths. My wife lost it on #24.

Rags's picture

I am sure most of you ladies will like that one too. Personally I was offended ... but only because I resemble #24. Sometimes the truth hurts.

Enjoy! Blum 3

*** Adult Truths ***

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Comments

helena_brass's picture

#5. Everything else is so nicely folded, but that just gets rolled into a little ball of failure. I hate it in laundromats.

Great list. Thank you!

Rags's picture

My mother actually can effectively fold a fitted sheet. That gene did not stick in me.

I completely understand your frustration. For years I did not use fitted sheets. I used flat sheets on top and bottom. Military School will do that to you.

My wife hated my flat sheet on the bottom thing so we went fitted after we married. They actually work well and tend to stay on better during "active" sleeping. Wink

Asher10's picture

You have to hold it spread out then take the wrinkly edges and fold them in.then fold sheet in half and continue folding like you would a flat sheet.the most important step is to fold the elastic wrinkly part in first to make the edges even and smooth.it works:)

Rags's picture

:jawdrop: Obviously the most simple solution is best and most elegant. I never thought of that. My mom tucks the elastic corners inside of each other than goes from there with some mystical and arcane secret method that she has shown me countless times but my brain just does not grasp.

I like yours better.

Where were you 35yrs ago when my mother was all over me about folding the fitted sheets?

Colorado Girl's picture

Hey Rags.

This made me smile wide today.

You are faithfully... and the often most capable of such a thing... on any given day my ol' friend.

~CG

Rags's picture

My wife laughed her butt off over it last night and I asked her to forward this list to me. I figured that the STalker ladies might enjoy it.

I know that as a man I should be offended by how much enjoyment she got out of #24 but her laughter is a treasure and I love to hear it even when it is at my expense or at the expense of my half of the human species.

It always brings a smile to my face to see you on STalk my friend.

Best regards,