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O/T... My incredible bride is starting to shine through.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 01/29/2023 - 10:15pm

Here is her response to the reply from the managing partner.

Per my previous email the decision was deeply considered and has been made.  I care about you and the firm and absolutely want the best for everyone.  For health reasons I cannot discuss further.

Kindest regards,

This is going to be a very long two weeks.  She is starting to see the issues for what they are and giving herself some grace in this whole thing.  Though it will take some time for her to get fully past the guilt.

On a lighter note, DW said she is seeing herself go through my Three Day Rule.  Breaking up with an employer is not something I considered with the Three Day Rule. For me it was personal relationship break ups. IT only hurts the most for three days. Then each day after day three it hurts a bit less until eventually it is just an occassional upleasant memory. Tomorrow is day 3 though she has been recycling through this for a very long time.  Hopefully, the improvement starts a day or so early for her.

But, I am glad it is helping DW.

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Sun, 01/29/2023 - 10:38pm

Three days does not work for everyone. For some, it takes longer. Expect them to continue to try and suck her back in and for her to waver. When someone has been emotionally abused and gradually beaten down to the point they feel this is what they deserve, it's difficult to walk away and feel deserving of a better future. BTDT. Be strong for her, but be kind and expect her nerves to be frazzled for awhile.

LostinSpaceandTime's picture

Submitted by LostinSpaceandTime on Sun, 01/29/2023 - 10:44pm

Good she is keeping to the plan to leave.  
The feelings of guilt and letting people down will pass.  That only shows how dedicated to the work she was. I am seven months out of the job and have no guilt feelings at all.  My time in that job was a season in my life.  I did what I could with it.  The employer did not appreciate my work and dedication.  I will likely always have some PTSD from my time there.  So I try not to revisit the past.

We bought a used RV and come spring will be taking some little trips to visit family and friends.  We are setting it up and learning how everything works, will practice camping in the driveway with the dogs.  If I had stayed in that job I would have had a stroke by now the stress was so bad.  

Now is the time to be dedicated to her health, family and goals you both have for your lives. Not the goals a toxic employer has to suck the life out of her. 
She will be happy she left it behind. 
 

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Sun, 01/29/2023 - 10:53pm

I like her reply but Anki is right, they will keep it up.  Tomorrow might be the peak of it. 

My workplace was very seductive - above-market pay, good benefits, "family"-like atmosphere.   The truth is that many people stayed because it was comfortable but would  have been better off moving elsewhere ( the "Golden Cage").  As a management member, this was advantageous to me but I saw it for what it was.  I couldn't tell people to quit but I sometimes said, "We can't love our job because our job can't love us back".

I also know that thinking of job as "family" is deceptive.  I saw many times how people were abruptly let go when corporate plans changed, often right after praise, awards, promotions etc.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 02/01/2023 - 6:29pm

Worse than I thought. Though my thoughts had nothing to do with the firm. My concern and thoughts have and remain only on my DW. She is so invested in the guilt and continuing to invest in the guilt that the progress is slow on that front. Though it is getting incrementally better day by day.