The kids did not win. He chose a relationship with his children. This would have happened to me too had I taken a tough stance and not tried everything legally possible to prevent a break in my relationship with my SS and our home. Ram I honestly do feel for you but I saw this outcome when they refused to visit. You are in my thoughts.
The children were willing to half tolerate you until you decided to rush it and move in part-time with Dad.
I'm sorry, I'm sure being asked for a divorce came as a surprise and you're hurt.
Focus on continuing to build a life for your baby and you and work with DH to ensure the baby gets parenting/family with both households. Having a bad attitude towards your soon to be ex skids will not be beneficial to your baby. What happened with your PTSD is not their fault...they didn't "win", no one won in what happened.
I read your Blogs to get some background. Your story is out there - in black and white - and I am so sorry that you are going through this
I thought myself, through the past 3 years, that my SO would leave me because his one daughter did not like me and was yelling at me and disrespectful. Now, I feel more confident and we are all trying our best to get along. Its not a one-way street - you can try your best, and do everything in your power, and if they do not want to, it wont ever work.
I hope that you find the love you are looking for and deserve!
And this will repeat itself over and over again. The next woman will get the same problem. His kids want their father all to themselves or back with their mother. They think by driving these women away hey get their father all to themselves.
In time he will realise what a bunch of manipulative people he has raised. Keep your child out of the mess and let him fester in his own crap-family.
I am sorry about his decision. But please look at it this way .... he lost because he lost you.
The OP freaked out on her husband's son due to postpartum depression. She refused to have his kids in their home. She flipped out on her SS when she saw him holding and feeding her baby. Her actions are the reason why his kids no longer want to be around her.
They didn't give dad an ultimatum. The kids want to spend time with their dad, but not the OP. They no longer want a relationship with her due to her actions.
These kids are making the same choice SMs here make every day- to disengage. Dad could very well have a relationship with his kids that doesn't involve his wife. He is maki g the choice not to do so.
This divorce on the OP and her husband, not the kids.
They refused to see him(even when he offered to take them to dinner without the OP) after they found out the OP would be spending weekends at dad's house
In my opinion, disengaging can take on many forms. For one person it may mean stepping back from all parenting stuff. For someone else it may mean having no contact with the other person/people.
This isn't a one size fits all type of thing.
Let's say the kids gave an ultimatum. Isn't that what the OP did when she refused to allow them back in her home? Didn't her husband show her(and his kids) what he would do if he ever felt he had to make a choice between them and her?
The OP forced his hand last year and he picked his kids. It can be argued that kids forced his hand this time around. Again, he picked his children.
Right,wrong or indifferent, this man has made it crystal clear what his deal breaker is.
I'm sorry to hear this Ram. I'm in the process of this although we don't have kids together it doesn't take away the hurt. The only thing I can say is focus on yourself and your child. I know it hasn't been an easy road as far as dealing with your ppd. Take care of yourself and everything else will come together.
You might be hurt now Ram, but this is for the best. You and skids never would've gotten along, not after the kittens.
Simply because you can't get over it, I don't think any one can get over it.
Cry scream and put it behind you, take the new adventures life is offering you, and next time... make sure the guy does not have kids or get some one more like you
Comments
You moved back in too soon,
You moved back in too soon, you should have taken it slower. Sorry.
Oh dear, looking at your
Oh dear, looking at your blogs, you and your DH have been separated almost a year?
I wouldn't say skids "won" I'd just say that you two didn't work out. Are you going to continue 50/50 with your son together?
The kids did not win. He
The kids did not win. He chose a relationship with his children. This would have happened to me too had I taken a tough stance and not tried everything legally possible to prevent a break in my relationship with my SS and our home. Ram I honestly do feel for you but I saw this outcome when they refused to visit. You are in my thoughts.
The children were willing to
The children were willing to half tolerate you until you decided to rush it and move in part-time with Dad.
I'm sorry, I'm sure being asked for a divorce came as a surprise and you're hurt.
Focus on continuing to build a life for your baby and you and work with DH to ensure the baby gets parenting/family with both households. Having a bad attitude towards your soon to be ex skids will not be beneficial to your baby. What happened with your PTSD is not their fault...they didn't "win", no one won in what happened.
I read your Blogs to get some
I read your Blogs to get some background. Your story is out there - in black and white - and I am so sorry that you are going through this
I thought myself, through the past 3 years, that my SO would leave me because his one daughter did not like me and was yelling at me and disrespectful. Now, I feel more confident and we are all trying our best to get along. Its not a one-way street - you can try your best, and do everything in your power, and if they do not want to, it wont ever work.
I hope that you find the love you are looking for and deserve!
And this will repeat itself
And this will repeat itself over and over again. The next woman will get the same problem. His kids want their father all to themselves or back with their mother. They think by driving these women away hey get their father all to themselves.
In time he will realise what a bunch of manipulative people he has raised. Keep your child out of the mess and let him fester in his own crap-family.
I am sorry about his decision. But please look at it this way .... he lost because he lost you.
The OP freaked out on her
:? :? :?
The OP freaked out on her husband's son due to postpartum depression. She refused to have his kids in their home. She flipped out on her SS when she saw him holding and feeding her baby. Her actions are the reason why his kids no longer want to be around her.
The kids are not at fault here.
https://www.steptalk.org/node
https://www.steptalk.org/node/235969
They didn't give dad an ultimatum. The kids want to spend time with their dad, but not the OP. They no longer want a relationship with her due to her actions.
These kids are making the same choice SMs here make every day- to disengage. Dad could very well have a relationship with his kids that doesn't involve his wife. He is maki g the choice not to do so.
This divorce on the OP and her husband, not the kids.
You're right. They refused to
You're right.
They refused to see him(even when he offered to take them to dinner without the OP) after they found out the OP would be spending weekends at dad's house
Aaaannnnd this is why
Aaaannnnd this is why children should NEVER EVER call the shots in adult matters. Period.dot
This isn't just an adult
This isn't just an adult matter. The OP's outburst were directed at the kids. They made the choice to never subject themselves to that again.
In my opinion, disengaging
In my opinion, disengaging can take on many forms. For one person it may mean stepping back from all parenting stuff. For someone else it may mean having no contact with the other person/people.
This isn't a one size fits all type of thing.
Let's say the kids gave an ultimatum. Isn't that what the OP did when she refused to allow them back in her home? Didn't her husband show her(and his kids) what he would do if he ever felt he had to make a choice between them and her?
The OP forced his hand last year and he picked his kids. It can be argued that kids forced his hand this time around. Again, he picked his children.
Right,wrong or indifferent, this man has made it crystal clear what his deal breaker is.
I'm sorry to hear this Ram.
I'm sorry to hear this Ram. I'm in the process of this although we don't have kids together it doesn't take away the hurt. The only thing I can say is focus on yourself and your child. I know it hasn't been an easy road as far as dealing with your ppd. Take care of yourself and everything else will come together.
You might be hurt now Ram,
You might be hurt now Ram, but this is for the best. You and skids never would've gotten along, not after the kittens.
Simply because you can't get over it, I don't think any one can get over it.
Cry scream and put it behind you, take the new adventures life is offering you, and next time... make sure the guy does not have kids or get some one more like you
Nope- YOU win. You don't have
Nope- YOU win. You don't have to deal with the step bullcrap anymore! Meanwhile, they will never escape their own dysfunction. Fly free!