I don't think it's wrong to prove to the teenage kids that their parent is LYING to them at all. Why should BM get to tell SD something that's not true about herself or DH or the situation and get away with it? SD already believes everything BM says no matter what. DH is just fed up with being made out to be the bad guy.

BM will never take blame and neither will SD because she's being taught by her mother. DH has done all he can so he is just not sure what else to do at this point. He's definitely taken the blame for his part in allowing the kid to dictate their lives up until last year and says they never should've spoiled the shit outta her. He's tried fixing it and being a parent to her, but that's when she decided to live with BM full time since BM still treats her like a friend.

She is and you're right. All she cares about is herself, but BM and DH raised her that way. When DH stepped up and told her he was wrong for spoiling her, she went running to mommy.

He's tried giving her space and time, tried forcing her, tried leaving everything up to her. Everything has failed so now he's back to square one and doesn't even know what to do from here on out. He hopes she grows up and comes around, but who knows?

He's love to come with me but airline prices are almost triple what they were when I got my ticket in October so we simply can't afford it now.

Thanks. It was hard on him and the realization that his daughter could care less about him hurts a lot.

Thanks and I believe you're right. He was as stern as he could be but it came far too late. She's been spoiled and PAS'd and she just doesn't care about him or his family.

I'm just going to continue being there for him. I really hate that she's doing this to such a sweet and caring man. One day, she'll regret it.

Thanks and it is. I just wish things could be different for him, you know? But since they're not, I'm just going to be there for him whenever he needs to talk.

He still plans to try and contact her to let her know he wants to be her dad, but he's not going to expect to hear back from her. He said he just can't set himself up to be hurt again and I get that.

I agree with you. Even my daughter who lives with her dad full time in Michigan says she'd LOVE it if her dad wanted to spend time with her like DH does with SD. She says "SD is throwing away a perfectly great father and I just wish she knew what it was like to have one that seemingly doesn't give a shit about her"

It makes me resent her, for sure. He WANTS to be a part of her life. He WANTS to spend time with her. But, if he's not bowing down to her every need and want, she says ffff you! Sickening.

I most certainly will support him no matter what, but you're right. It kills me to see her throw him away like this and hurt him over and over again. It's sickening to the core.

Even if she goes back to BM, BM will spin it and she'll end up believing whatever bullshit BM comes up with. She has done it so many times already. SD14 thinks BM and her boyfriend hung the moon and probably doesn't even care at this point if her mother IS lying to her.

Sucks about your SD16 as well. Funny how the dads who WANT to spend time with their girls don't get to and the ones that can, don't want to!

Sad isn't it? SD14 is jealous of me and didn't want us to get married either. DH could say the same about my DD14 as your DH said about your niece. My DD LOVES spending time with DH and he never has to spend a dime on her and she's perfectly content. DD lives with her father in Michigan and he really doesn't pay much attention to her at all.

DH plans on calling or texting her at least a couple times a month to keep showing her he wants to be a part of her life and he isn't giving up (but inside, I think he just feels so defeated).

Yeah, he knows now where he stands with her, which is why he's hurting so very much. To come to the conclusion that your own daughter doesn't care to be around you has to be extremely painful and I can't imagine feeling that way. My daughter and I live apart and have for years but we have a great and open relationship so it makes the distance and time a bit easier to handle.

It makes me resent SD14 that much more to see how she just carelessly tosses her dad aside when other kids would KILL to have a dad like hers!

Unfortunately, you guys are right. I'm going to show DH all the support here that we both are getting from you all. Maybe it may help him some?

SD doesn't call, text or anything - so it's almost as if she's just writing him off completely. I think he'd be ok with an over the phone relationship with her for a little while as it beats nothing at all for him, but sadly, she won't even do that!

Thanks for the concern and hugs! It does help. I'm ok, I just feel for him. I know he'll put on a happy face when I see him after work and likely won't bring it up again, but inside, I know he's just dying!

Thanks and I'm sorry your SO had to deal with that with his daughters as well.

I did tell DH that she will mature eventually and hopefully see what she has in him. She's very immature for her age already though so it'll be quite a while, I'm sure. DH isn't so sure she ever will see what she's missing out on by bailing on him. And yes, once she's out of BM's home and from under her PASing crap, she may see BM for what she's really worth too! One can only hope right?

I'm sorry that your father has to deal with that with your sisters. My parents got divorced when I was 17, my brother was 13. He went to live with my mom, I was pretty much left in their rental home to fend for myself and dad moved in with his mom. Even though mom initiated the divorce and cheated on dad with a MUCH younger man, I still maintained contact with her. I let her know how pissed I was that she chose to do it that way instead of divorcing him first, but I also knew how unhappy the two of them were in their marriage and us kids suffered for it.

I still have a great relationship with both parents. Mom ended up marrying the guy she cheated on dad with, then divorcing him after she found out he was cheating on HER. So, karma got her in the end. Although she made the mistake of marrying him a SECOND time a few years later. UGH. Now she's 56 and will NEVER get married again, she says. She hasn't even dated in a few years now.

Dad married a couple years after mom divorced him and he's still with my stepmom. I love them both but they're extreme alcoholics and unfortunately, fuel each other's addiction. My daughter doesn't have a relationship with them anymore just because they're really selfish people in that they will use what little money they do have to drink instead of coming to visit her. She's only 14 so she can't drive yet.

I agree when you say a person can only try so many times. He's at that point now where he just feels like "why bother?"

Isn't it though? DH did tell me when she bailed on him over Black Friday, that he helped create this monster but at the time, she was his world and he and BM thought they were doing right by her by giving her everything she wanted and never disciplining her.

My daughter went through much more than she should've and for that, I'll never forgive myself. But like your tagline states "out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars". I actually posted that on her FB page a few weeks ago. She has massive emotional (and physical scars on her forehead from our ATV accident, of which I created my first blog here ever) scars and she's become quite a strong girl from all she's been through.

SD will never experience that strength or that passion for life. She's been handed everything on a silver platter since the day she was born. All she knows is how to beg for attention, affection and gifts. It's disgustingly sad.

Thanks so much. It's hard for me to watch such a wonderful, sweet soul like DH get hurt by the one person who he loves like no other.

I don't feel he was wrong showing her the letter from the attorney either. This kid would believe her mother if she said the sky was made out of chocolate pudding though. She's been proven over and over again a liar, but SD just doesn't care to see it. In her eyes, no proof is proof. It's always "my mommy would NEVER do that" or "my mommy won't lie to me". She just has no clue what mommy truly has lied about even when DH has sat there and PROVED it to her. It's disgustingly sad.

She's been shitty and cruel to him since she was 12 and I came along. She'll just continue with it as long as she's under BM's influence. All we can do is hope one day she sees what she's missed out on with DH and she also sees BM for her true colors.

As far as gifts are concerned, he's done with them. Completely. He gave her a birthday card back in Aug for her bday and she asked "what are YOU doing here?" So yeah, she was told that if you can't put in the effort to be bothered to return my phone calls or texts, you get nothing. She knows after saying to him that she didn't want to spend xmas eve with him as originally planned, she's now not getting a gift and doesn't seem to even care as long as it means she can stay home with mommy and mommy's boyfriend (both of whom shower her with attention and gifts).

She's giving up on him, so he's giving it back. You get what you give in this life and she's being taught that now. He'll likely text her at xmas and say Merry Christmas, I love you, but he'll get nothing in return.

Thanks for your post. I appreciate it. I'm leaving everything in his hands as I have for a while now. Just sitting back and supporting him.

He's not going to go out on his own and pay the BM more money because she's been successful at turning their daughter against him. He'll fight tooth and nail in court if he has to. There's no reason in the world for him to give up his 50/50 on paper because he's a good father and would exercise visitation if the kid wanted to see him. That's his decision, so I'm standing by him.

Glad to hear that your SD finally came around. She's been pretty much absent in our lives aside from when he and BM forced her to come over in October, since June. She boycotted us getting married in June and things just went downhill from there. I honestly could care less if I ever see her face again.

Yeah it sucks for him. I'm not going to let it bring us down as a couple and I'm going to make sure he knows I'm putting our marriage ahead of his kid's issues so hopefully he will be able to pull himself out of this rut he's in with her.

Sorry to hear of your skids as well. It sucks to be in this boat, but frankly, I'm SO glad she's not coming over anymore. The tension, drama and just outright suffering was horrible for us all and put a strain on our relationship. I truly believe that kid would've succeeded in breaking us up had DH not put his foot down when he did. He was SUCH a passive pushover with her in the beginning.

Thanks for commenting. I appreciate the support and have shown DH some of the more positive messages here on this blog.