Why don't you talk to him? How would we know?

Wait why is it a big deal? I'm picturing one kid rudely touching another kids food and getting a tap on the hand for it.. unless he hit him hard, I hardly doubt this means he doesn't like him, it means he saw him doing something rude and tapped him on the hand to stop him.

But maybe I'm picturing it wrong lol I'm also big on table manners so I can understand doing something about it if a child is touching someone else's food

I'm also Italian so that might make a difference lol I got the hand slap if I tried to grab desert before dinner, snack before everyone was seated, etc. but I really don't see the big deal here. It's not like he spanked him... he tapped his hand

I think some context is missing. I've smacked BS4's hand when he tried to steal food from BSalmost2 instead of getting up to get more from the pot.

So what it comes down to is that your DH has been abusive to you, he's now being abusive to your son, and you are wondering if he dislikes your son? Violence does not disappear on it's own. If he is violent towards you and your son now, it will only get worse. Please seek help and get your son out of that situation before it gets worse.

You do know it's best for you to leave, right? If the school is asking and you plan on telling the truth, which you should, you risk having child protective services show up. Leave. Now. Like pack your stuff, call a friend or family member, and get out. I promise you, the violence will get worse.

It's a fact that a man who's grown up in a household with domestic violence is 3-4 times MORE likely to be an abuser. Don't let your son follow in his footsteps. Abusers only get worse and when it gets worse, it will escalate from slapping your son's hand to punching him, kicking him, etc.

Leave. Don't worry about the school, or what people think, or whether or not he'll come after you. Leave, call the police on your way out, and report him. Go somewhere safe. There are places out there that can help.

rewind please...

your husband slapped you around, and now he's slapping your son??

Why are you still there? Sorry to say but now you are raising 2 boys who will slap their wives and children one day cause you condone it in your house

OMG it was a smack on the back of the hand... not freaking child abuse. I went to parochial school grades K-4 and I vividly remember getting our hands smacked with a ruler if we got out of line. It wasn't abuse. I wasn't scarred for life. My mother did not run to the school and threaten to lay the teacher out. My land.

How does a smack on the hand for rude behavior=your DH hates your son???? Is there more that you left out???

My first thought was that if he'd given your son a tap on the hand to stop him messing with his younger brother's dinner it's probably not a big deal as a one-off incident. However if he's acting up at school so much they're concerned enough to send letters home, and then it turns out your husband has been violent towards you that raises massive red flags. If your son is living with domestic violence, there's your answer to his behaviour problems at school and it is only going to get worse. Your husband sounds like an abusive bully and, from someone who's had first-hand experience, I can tell you that the long-term effect on kids is horrific, not to mention the long-term effects on you. It's not easy, but you need to get this man out of your life for the sake of you and your kids. I'm glad you're planning on being honest with the school, let that be your first step to speaking out and getting some help. Please don't let this bully ruin yours and your kids lives.

Since your DH is an equity partner in your marriage as are you, you should both be equity parents to any kids in your home regardless of kid biology and includes as disciplinarians.

I see no reason to believe that because your DH disciplined your child he dislikes the kid. In fact I would say that his active parenting indicates just the opposite and that he is actively parenting.

I disciplined my SS because as his dad that was part of my parental responsibilities. He and I are thick as thieves and always have been.

The next question IMHO is did DH over react in his disciplining in this incident. Maybe, maybe not.

What do you think? You were there. If DH did over react I applaud that you did not confront him on it in front of the kids. If he did over react you should speak to him about it in private.

Okay, Upon further reading of all of the comments..... this asshole is abusive of you and at least one of your children. Call a lawyer and file for an RO/PO, file for divorce, rekey the locks, and get this prick put in prison for his abusive crap.

Do not allow him back in your life or the lives of your children even the one you share with him. Use every legal tool necessary to protect yourself and your kids.

Grrrrrr! I am thinking a baseball bat blanket party would be in order the next time this asshole falls asleep.