Dear BF,

Perhaps you and (SS) are already on your way out. I love you dearly and it's not what I really want, but if that's what is easiest for you or your choice, go for it.

I don't hate (SS) and think he has all the potential in the world. What I resent beyond words is your unwillingness to stop being his 'only best friend in the world' and BE A PARENT! In short, you need to grow a set and use them so he learns how to grow a set and use them before he's 40 years old. Or never.

The most disabling thing that has happened to (SS) in his 13.5 year life is not his 'special' arm. It's his bioparents failing to parent him so that he's able to grow up into a healthy, functional and relatively normal man. I don't doubt your intent in being so soft on and giving in to him for most of his life was noble and loving, but it has put him far behind the emotional and mental development of a teenager. His peers see this and I daresay that's why he can't make any friends. Who wants to hang out with someone who is bitching, asking stupid questions, whining and manipulating all the time in an effort to make things go exactly how he wants them? Do you really think a 13.5yo has any clue what is best for him or what he really needs? But everyone is supposed to feel sorry, give in to and accept the gazillions of excuses for (SS). Why?

How would (SS) feel if you phoned and left messages repeatedly to "remind" him of something he has to do several days away while he was out on a date or getaway with a really special girl? You wouldn't, because you respect his privacy and need to have his own time to himself. He does NOT respect ours, as evidenced by his calls from camp and the placement of his bed and pillows as soon as he returned home. I might be understanding of this if he were less than 6 years old, but he's more than twice that age! How dare he demand to know exactly what you've done every moment of everyday while he's been away in a safe setting with his own activities where you, THE PARENT, placed him. Who is he to think he needs to be on top of every sound and movement in our hallway, bedroom and bathroom? Who is the parent here? I often wonder...

I'm sick of the excuses for (SS), (BF). If you cannot be a parent to him, set appropriate boundaries and discourage inappropriate behaviors, then yes, we are done.