Last night was SS11’s 5th grade graduation. He was given 2 invites with 2 tickets each, so he gave his dad one and his mom the other. 

Yesterday morning, SS11 told SO “make sure and call Mommy to remind her of the graduation!” BM often forgets things. SO had SS17 handle the reminder. 

The ceremony seemed like it was going pretty well. At one point, i actually felt sorry for SS11. There was a behavior award given, and the kids were seated by class. For this reason, it was obvious that SS11 was the only kid in his homeroom who didn’t get it. I was angry for him. Until, that is, he went and showed why he didn’t get it. 

After it ended, he came up to us and said “Ms. Rumples, do you want to talk to my Mommy?” I said “I want to go look at that artwork over there on the wall.” SO said “No, we do NOT want to talk to your mom!” SS looked sad, so i told him “If you want to go talk to her (seated with her husband a few rows over), go ahead. Your dad and I will be over here looking at the art. Come find us after." 

A few minutes later, SS walks up, dragging BM by the hand. He walks her right up to SO, and pulls her hand to SO’s hand. They didn't actually join hands but it was awkward. He says in the babyish voice that he uses a lot “Mommy! Come see Daddy!” It was awkward, but we all exchanged polite but awkward hellos, and we went to the car. I thought the adults handled things well, considering. 

Once we got to the car, SO was visibly very angry. He said “I want to punch that mustache off his face!” He was clearly talking about BM’s husband, who was just sitting there quietly, but has recently grown a distinctive handlebar mustache. 

When we went home to pick up the other kids to go out to eat, i asked SO (out of listening range of the kids) if BM’s husband had said something to him or done something that made him want to punch him. He said no, he just hates the guy. I reminded him that it was BM who filed the ex parte, and BM who had the kids temporarily removed, and BM who made the false allegations. 

On the drive to the restaurant, SS11 was loudly crying. When SO asked why, he said “I don’t like hearing you say you want to fight Mr. BM!” It was a big drama-fest and a miserable dinner. 

My issues are 2. First, I also don’t understand why seeing BM and her husband together, after everything that happened, would make SO want to fight her husband.

Second, I don’t think SS11 necessarily understands everything that went on with BM, but he knew drama would ensue from trying to join BM and SO’s hands, right after SO told him he didn’t want to talk to her. SO just seems to think SS is too innocent to know any better, but i think it was sort of an experiment to generate drama. Like, let’s see what happens if i do this. SS didn’t deserve to be singled out at the ceremony, but his behavior is problematic a lot of the time and at 11, i think a lot of it is willful. He has made false abuse allegations at school against his dad, been violent toward younger kids, and i won't watch him alone because of some of his behaviors. I think he would benefit from counseling and an age appropriate explanation that he will be taken care of by both parents, but separately, and there are to be no more attempts to get them together. 

I am blogging mostly as documentation for myself, to refer to when things are good and i need a reminder why we can’t move forward and move in together the way things are now. We got back together and things were good for a while, but there was a recent incident with SO's mother (dislikes me, likes BM, wants SO to be with someone from their country and if not BM, basically anyone else from there will do.) I know how f'd this situation is.