Court Update, or Why SO is So Stressed
My SO has been divorced from BM for 10 years. He has SS13 and SS19. About 2.5 years ago, BM filed an ex-parte motion to have emergency full custody. She alleged that SO’s home was unfit due to SO’s drinking and drug use, and SO’s daughter’s (22 at the time, with BM1) drug use. SO does drink, but only at home before bed, and does not use drugs. SDnow24 is a pot head, but did not live with SO at the time and still doesn't. After much drama and the kids being removed from SO’s home for a few weeks, the ex-parte was thrown out.
About 6 months ago, BM filed for a child support increase. SO’s lawyer filed a motion for BM to turn over her financial records, since she works for cash and also is involved in rental property homes and holds money for her mom’s business, using several variations of her name. Last week, BM filed for an extension so she could have time to gather the info. SO’s lawyer also found out BM got a DWI last year.
SO just wants to keep things like they are. 50/50 custody of SS13, he pays her about $750 per month, plus he carries both boys on his health insurance, pays their phones, all school costs, and pays for SS19’s car, car insurance, and SS19 lives with SO full-time. SO also keeps SS13 after school on BM’s weeks for free.
Seems more than fair for BM, no? She lives in luxury, with expensive cars, clothes, and purses, and takes lavish vacations. SO is wondering if he should do anything with the DWI knowledge, since BM’s whole ex-parte had to do with substance abuse making SO unfit. He also is thinking of reporting BM to the IRS. All this to keep her on the defense so she will be less likely to keep coming after him. Idk. I just want peace, which is why we don’t live together yet.
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Heck yeah he should use it.
Heck yeah he should use it. Although it might be good to mention it first, and if she continues drama then slide the envelope of documentation to her (copies of course). How worried is she about her image?
I think she is definitely
I think she is definitely worried about people finding out about the DWI, because the lawyer also found evidence of her filing a civil action to get it expunged. Not sure how all that works, or if it's even possible.
Ugh, these men and the way
Ugh, these men and the way they shy away from the hard stuff. Yes, he needs to play hardball - after all, that's what BM is doing, and that's what he pays his attorney to do. She's defamed him, lied etc to get what she wants; fine, now he needs to use his leverage and meet her on her own level.
His attorney should threaten BM with exposing her shady dealings and alcoholism /s if she goes to court, and offer maintaining status quo as an alternative. She's currently getting a pretty sweet deal.
This. He needs to play hardball now, and put a stop to this
This. He needs to play hardball now, and put a stop to this nonsense. She isn't going to stop as long as he keeps not really fighting back.
She is currently getting a
She is currently getting a sweet deal. What she's mad about is that it used to be sweeter. Before I came along, SO let her come and go as she pleased. He took responsibility for both kids all the time, and she could come and visit them at his house no questions asked. She would show up and cook dinner at his house without calling first. She would show up 2 or 3 times in one day to bring them food and gifts, then disappear for weeks. Never any warning or planning. She successfully ran off several of his "relationships" so she could keep him lonely and desperate, and all this time he paid her CS on both kids. When I came along all that stopped. She still got the money but she had to follow a schedule (and the current "schedule" still sucks but at least it's predictable) and couldn't hang out at his house anymore. She is royally pissed about that.
CS has little to do with fairness or BM's life of luxury.
Though I would question if SKid-19 even matters to CS amounts any longer. Are you in a State where CS goes beyond 18 or HS graduation, whichever is the later? If the 19yo has aged out of the CO, then DH needs to have CS reduced rather than continuing to unneccessarily supplement BM's lifestyle.
And yes, he needs to smack her in court with the DUI issues and .... have his attorney bare her ass for trying to hide resources before she finally shows up in court.
Bare her as. Repeatedly.
I would. Her kids need to see mommy get her comeuppance in court for her lies, manipulations, and lack of character.
Lather.... rinse..... repeat.
I get that the calculation is
I get that the calculation is standard by state, and people should get what they are legally due, even if they do choose to spend it on a Mercedes and a new Gucci purse every quarter. BUT - the luxury life is relevant because BM is hiding income. She works for cash doing eyelashes and eyebrows, which apparently people pay a lot for. She also brags to SO's family members about how she owns multiple rental properties and also gets significant income from her mom's business. In the CS calculations, though, all she reports is what she reports to the IRS, which is an income equivalent to a minimum wage job.
Her "poor single mother struggling for her kids" act is just that. She has very little interest in her children outside of showing them off at parties and dinners. The CS in question is just for SS13 half the time. SO works a straight salary job and his income has increased over the years. BM still reports the same income she did 10 years ago. Based on both of their reported incomes, BM will now get more for one child than she did for two.
Also, i know that neither parent is legally obligated to house or fund SS19. It just pisses me off and speaks to what a greedy POS BM is, and how SO is getting screwed. It will be difficult to prove her income, as she was not born in the US and uses multiple variations of her name for things. I've also seen her age listed as different on different things. She is supposedly married but SO can't find the record. It may be under a different identity. When they try to look her up, there is no record of an address or really anything after she moved out of SO's house over 10 years ago, besides the DUI.
A Private Investigator may be a good investment.
Let a professional dig up her secrets and then go after her in court, and feed her to the IRS for tax fraud, etc....
Lather... rinse.... repeat.
The good news, YSS will age out from under the CO in 5yrs. Then... all you will need to do is continue to feed the IRS BM's fraudulent crap.
I would never stop.
We still bill the Spermidiot for unpaid medical costs for SS-31 who aged out from under the CO 13yrs ago. Adding penalties and interest at the same penalty rate as the IRS charges for unpaid tax penalties and interest. We know we will not get the money out of them, but... if we ever decide to take them to court, we have kept our claim active by billing them regularly. Every few years they whine and beg for us to let it go, nope. If we ever collect, it will go to SS as some kind of gift. From us.
Do not tolerate BM's crap. Put your foot on her throat with every legal and financial tool available and keep stomping for as long as it takes to marginalize her crap and protect yourselves and YSS from her toxic influence.
IMHO of course.
He should definately use it.
He should definately use it.
I hope that his lawyer responded back to the extension that the records need to be certified in some way from her bank. BM here would have totally found a way to photoshop her bank statements.
He should be getting a reduction in CS not an increse. She really should realize that this will end bad for her if she wants to play games.
Was she convicted of the DWI
Was she convicted of the DWI or just charged? it may make a slight difference in the power it would have over her.
I do think it would be appropriate for his lawyer to lay out things for her lawyer.
1. We are aware of the DWI conviction (assuming it was a conviction)
2. My client is currently providing free child care during her custody time..
3. He is currently supporting their 19 yo son and paying for his ins (in his state.. does CS stop at 18?).
4. He is aware that she may be involved in illegal dealings and intentions to hide earnings..
In light of these issues.. he is willing to keep things as they are.. but if forced to move forward.. this knowledge will be made more officially public.
I asked SO for more details
I asked SO for more details about the DWI and all he could tell me was it happened some time last year and it happened in our town. I told him he should get more details. CS goes only to high school graduation. If it went longer it would help SO. SS19 has lived only with SO for the past 6 years. The problem is that SO's income has increased, and BM's *reported* income has stayed the same. Her cars, vacays, recent large home remodeling project, and other luxury items would require an income of much higher than she reports, plus the bragging about all her rental properties makes it obvious she's also a tax cheat and CS fraud.
Run her name thru the states
Run her name thru the states court cases.
Many states the outcome of
Many states the outcome of court cases is public.. I can search online where I am!
I tried googling all possible
I tried googling all possible versions of her name with the terms "DWI", "DUI", "arrested", as well as the name of the town it supposedly happened in. I've tried looking up arrests and criminal records for others before as part of my job, and unless someone is a registered sex offender, you don't get much. Any other advice on how to find this info?
In my state.. I just googled.
In my state.. I just googled.. "my state" Online Court Case Information.. and there was a site for judiciary filings and cases... general district, and circuit court civil and criminal... it doesn't give you a lot of details.. but you will see the progression of the case.. as in court dates.. and it usually has date of offense.. then ultimately a final determination of the charge... guilty nolle prosequi etc..
some states I found it by googling the county name court records.. and even in my state.. you used to have to search by county individually on their online system.
Some states you have to register online for access.. and a few may even have some cost. but if the lawyer is able to see the charge.. they should be able to see the outcome.. whether the final date of court has happened.. that might be why they don't know the out come.. yet.
I'm going to try that using
I'm going to try that using the name on the court documents that she's using to sue SO for CS, the name that's on SS's birth certificate, and the names she uses for her cosmetology business and her real estate holdings (they are all different names!!), and the DOB that SO has as well as the approximate DOB she uses for her social media (she sometimes claims to be 4-6 years younger than SO has her age as.) Problem is, she wasn't born in the US, and idk what the process was for verifying her info when she came over. She was about 18 (or 14 if you go by some), and it's hard to know what her "true" identity is. ETA or SO could just get the info from his lawyer, which he seems weirdly hesitant to do....
My understanding is that you
My understanding is that you need to be violation free for a period of time before you can get an expungement. As in You have prove you can stay sober while driving.
Hmm. Yeah, normally I wouldn
Hmm. Yeah, normally I wouldn't try to pile on to someone who is struggling with substance abuse or mental health....but. Those exact issues were what she used to have the kids forcibly removed with an emergency order 2 years ago. TBH, she probably doesn't pose any risk to SS because of her total lack of interest in him. She "farms out" his care and transport on her weeks to various suckers, but still. She will keep coming back for more if not stopped.
Lets start with the DUI . It
Lets start with the DUI . It happened over a year ago and SO knows nothing? Really? I could find that info out in less than 5minutes. You can too.(see below)
Sorry but SO, lame answer to you---"I asked SO for more details about the DWI and all he could tell me was it happened some time last year and it happened in our town. I told him he should get more details. "
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. You can run a case search at your local court house. Just walk in to the clerks office and ask for help OR check on line. No need to dilly dally around waiting for info. Matter of fact your lawyer should have already informed dh of that status.
...HE should be chasing it down because if bm has a felonly DUI that IS a problem for her.
Are you guys married?
No, not married and don't
No, not married and don't live together. Engaged and dating 5 years. I know SO's lawyer must have details. I don't want to go up to the courthouse myself because i know a lot of people who work there and i don't want them gossiping. I don't want to hound SO about it, though i do think he should use it or at least file it away in case she tries the "he's unfit due to substance abuse" BS again. I also (evilly) just want to know for my own curiosity. I haven't told anyone about it and i don't intend to spread it around. I just think it's a defensive gift that SO doesn't need to squander before it gets expunged if that's possible.
https://www.americanbar.org
https://www.americanbar.org/groups/public_education/publications/teachin...
Document her luxury cars, etc... and get that in front
of a Judge for a CS review showing proof that she is living far beyond what a minimum wage income would provide.
Get a Private Investigator to dig up her crap, and then build the case for a Judge demonstrating her fraud and to inpute an income required to provide for her elevated lifestyle.
Once you have the picture documented with facts, data, and the PI report, call it in to the IRS and get them hip deep up her ass.
I would.