Vent: idiot BIL living with us and SD15 is here for spring break
My BIL separated from his wife in September and has been staying in our basement since October. He has 1 dog and we have 2 dogs and 2 toddlers. He hasn't paid the full $600/ month rent EVER and never buys dog food when I ask him to. He won't pick up dog poop in the yard because 2/3 are our dogs and the spare room (SD's room he's staying in) is always trashed. He lost DH's truck keys this morning (the rule is to hang them up) and took my car to work so now I have no vehicle for the day.
SD15 is sleeping in our older toddler's room this week and she is also being annoying and difficult. She made DH get her Tums last night at 10pm because her stomach hurts. All she ate was a leftover burger, a milkshake, and snacks. That's all she ever eats.
She also wants to shop for a prom dress before she goes back because "BM won't have time because of other siblings" and won't look on Amazon. She keeps giving us roundabout suggestions and wants to "stand out" but wont give clear opinions.
She acts so clueless and like she doesn't care but becomes hypercritical and walks around the issue without saying what she wants. At this point, i have no interest in finding the perfect prom dress she'll wear for 4 hours and will probably cost $300+ because daddy said so.
Send wine!
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Time to evict your idiot BIL,
Time to evict your idiot BIL, he's costing you more than the meagre dollers he eventually chips in. Get your DH on your side by saying your SD NEEDS her space back. Let him know he's got until the end of the month to find another place for him and his dog or you will be having him evicted. Do not let him get round you with offers to pay more, buy fdog food, pick up dog crap, clean up his space, you know it'll only last a couple of weeks.
He's also an asshole
He's also an asshole "libertarian" who is always mad about how much money everybody else makes and how he can never get ahead. Thinks he deserves everything. No wonder his wife didn't take him back.
BIL needs to go
Winterglow is right on all counts, BILneeds to go. Your SD sounds like a typical obnoxious teen. Have a big glass of wine, conduct a serious conversation with your DH and plan to take SD shopping later.
Sorry about your BIL
He sounds awful. I think Winterglow has a brilliant idea in telling your DH that SD really needs her room back. And it's not untrue; I'm sure if I were in your SD's shoes I'd much rather have my own space than sleep in a toddler room. Maybe that will help her get in a better headspace to figure out what she wants to wear for prom. I hated shopping so much as a teen that I always made it a miserable experience for my poor mom. *ROFL*
I told DH to explain to her
I told DH to explain to her that she would be sleeping in the toddler's room for the week and he said it was fine. As for dresses, we can't go until tomorrow so if we don't find anything, she isn't getting a dress. I told her to order something on amazon but she is insistent on trying them on in store so now that's our only option before she leaves on Saturday.
Make sure you have a list of
Make sure you have a list of stores that are on the lower end of pricing. Don't let her go straight to the top end. IF she doesn't find anything she likes well too bad. It's not as if she hasn't known the date for weeks.
I know I sound like a Grinch/
I know I sound like a Grinch/ Evil SM but it always seems we have *SOME URGENT TASK* when she is with us. Either from BM or something SD needs.
For example, I posted a couple weeks ago because we had to change SD's plane ticket details completely right after we booked it.
He lost DH's truck keys this
When inconsiderate BIL comes home tonight, take back your keys, and put them somewhere BIL does not have access. BIL needs to find the keys he lost or he needs to Uber.
DH needs to make it clear to BIL that he needs to be gone by the time of SD's next visit. She's 15 and needs some space when she visits.
So DH got BIL a job at the
So DH got BIL a job at the shop he manages and thankfully, he returned my car right away because they have so many spare keys. Still no excuse to lose keys to a $60K vehicle (belongs to the company). Yet, he complains his pay isn't enough but does shit like that.
DH is convinced BIL is always "broke" because he still pays his wife's rent and car payment. I wouldn't be surprised at all.
That's his problem to work
That's his problem to work out, not yours. If he's paying too much then it's up to him to sort it out. However, you should not be subsidizing his lifestyle just because he can't work out how to either lower his CS or get a second/better paying job
What notarelative said ^^^^^
What notarelative said ^^^^^
What a mooch bil is, Good luck getting him out.
Sounds like he is very happy where he is, why wouldn't he be. He has access to transportation, you pay for his dog food and he has an entire wing to himself, the basement. ALL for freeeeee. ANDDDDD he managed to boot his own niece out of a sleeping area.
That is a great set up.
I am so sorry, it is time for you to tell him to go.
*P.S. go to the atm and pull out equal amt of money DH spends on the prom dress. Stick it in your stash
You can do it in small amounts.
He bought a little truck but
He bought a little truck but it doesn't run and he never works on it. He was bragging about how much money he could make at other dealerships but is too chicken to put in notice because he works with DH and gets driven to/ from work everyday.
He is seriously our 4th child and I'm sick of it. He is the baby of their family and their middle sister died last year of alcoholism. I am convinced he has the "baby" complex as my aunt does the same thing and can never stand on her own.
The BIL needs to GO.
The BIL needs to GO.
I told DH when we first started living together that no other adult lives with us, it's very hard on a relationship. We once allowed his brother to spend ONE night on our couch and we made him leave the next morning when we went to work. Sounds mean, I know, but he would have stayed and stayed, otherwise.
SD's prom dress would be the very least of my concerns.
Lock him out
Hi Sadlonelyone,
The BIL has to go. He is being horribly disrespectful of you and DH's kindness, and your property. Give him a certain date to be moved out by. Then, you can take a day off when you know he will be at work, and change the locks on the house. Don't give him a key. (You could take his key off his keyring instead, but I assume he has probably made copies.) Then, put all his stuff in the driveway and give him a time limit to pick it up, then take it to the dump or put it in the trash. Depending on how vendictive he is, you may want to set up cameras around your home, so you can turn him into the cops if he does anything to your home or car when he is angry. Problem solved. SD can take a hint at how you deal with people who don't show you respect. Its a win-win.
OP, you need to manage things
OP, you need to manage things so that your H is the one being inconvenienced by his brother's presence and behaviors. Not enough dinner for H because BIL took too large a portion; no clean clothes because BIL's are still sitting in the washer; no soda/beer because BIL took the last one, etc. See where I'm going? Most men just want to be comfortable, so make sure he's being made UNcomfortable BY BIL. Become helpless at fixing, compensating or smoothing out the problems BIL is causing, and let the pressure of having both SD and BIL rest solely on H's shoulders.
You should also weigh the effectiveness of utilizing the Big Bi!ch Strategy. If you know your H to be simply incapable of booting his brother, you may have to don your shrew hat and bi!ch boots and handle the business yourself. Basically, you utilize shock n awe to be the bad cop.
At a minimum, be the one to collect the rent, and don't cut BIL any slack on it. Due and payable on the first, baby.