Those of you with SKids and shared BioKids...
Did your DH want to have a child with you initially or did you have to help him warm up to the idea? And if you did... how long did it take? Lol.
When we got together he was always talking about how all he wanted was a daughter and then he was done having kids (he has two sons with BM). I always knew I wanted kids but it was just sort of a thought in the back of my mind. Well now it's been 2 years and I'm starting to feel the broody motherly side of me. Constantly. BF is turning 37 this year. While I am younger than him, I do have endometriosis which will likely make conceiving for me difficult (I was pregnant once before in a previous relationship and had a miscarriage, and then my own mother who also has endometriosis took 6 years to be able to conceive me and needed to have IVF in order to have me). So these two factors are also on the back of my mind... if we ever want to have children together - how much time do we really have to be waiting around? I know with men age isn't QUITE as big a factor as women when it comes to conceiving, but I still worry. I'm probably more worried for me - the longer I wait to have kids, the harder/more unlikely it will be.
Anyway, so recently over the past couple months I have brought up the idea to BF about having a child. Not this exact second, but by the end of the year I'd like to be at a place where I'm either 
pregnant or (b) we're actively trying. He says he is not ready and goes back and fourth now between not wanting any more kids at all, not wanting kids with me, wanting kids now, wanting kids soon, and not wanting to discuss it at all. It's like every time it's a different story. This is very emotionally draining on me because sometimes we're talking and the conversation ends with, okay we're going to look into getting a bigger vehicle, stop using protection. Then even as soon as the very next day he's like "Well I'm not ready to throw the next 18 years of my life away again." I can't be in a relationship where starting a family is not an option, that is something very important to me. As it stands the last time we discussed it turned into an argument, he told me he's "sick of hearing about it" and that I need to "drop it" and if "I want to go pop out 100 kids" to "go ahead, because it won't be" with him. On that note, I got upset and started crying. He must have felt bad because after a few minutes of silence he added "You need to be patient. If there's anything you should know about me, it's that eventually I will do what you want, it just won't be because you've told me to." I haven't said a word about it since, but it is something I think about constantly.
I just don't know what to do. I feel like time is of the essence and the longer I wait around with someone who may or may not want children, the more I am risking my chances of conceiving. I love my BF, he's a great Dad, and I know we would great parents. I know I would be a great mother. I have so much love to give. BF thinks because I've never had children that I don't know what I'm getting into, meanwhile he does and uses that to explain his hesitancy. It's getting to the point that even seeing him with the SKids just makes me want to cry because they are not my family, and I want a family so badly. I don't know. I have a feeling that if we're still at this stand still by the end of the year I will regretfully have to move on from this relationship... Sigh. 
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fdh didn't want more kids. he
fdh didn't want more kids. he was too worried about "sd feeling more left out than she already does". i went off on him. i told him i was not having a 14 year old (at the time) deciding whether or not i could have another child. i told him having more kids was very important to me and it was not something i was willing to give up. i told him i had been giving up what i want for other people my whole life and i was not doing it again. i told him that if we don't want the same things out of life, there is no point in being together. i was very much serious. i wasn't trying to bully him into giving me what i wanted, i was telling him that i would leave if we weren't on the same page.
when he saw that i was serious, because i was a week away from recieving my tax refund and was making plans to move (not just over the baby issue, but lots of other things too, like sd and the bullshit she brings to my life), that's when he changed his tune in a hurry. and 4 months later i was pregnant.
as far as how long it took, it was 2 years before i got fed up and was ready to walk. that's what made him change his mind. he saw that i wasn't going to meekly resign myself to worrying about sd's wittow fee fees and that i would move on to someone who shared my desires if he didn't.
That sucks! It does not sound
That sucks! It does not sound like he wants another child. When DH and I first got together he kept saying how bad he wants to have a baby with me and that he was going to hide my bc pills. We got married and BD4 was born 6 months later! I was 33 and he was 40 when she was born so it was then or never!
I would be nervous that he is so flip floppy about the idea. It sounds like he is saying yes he wants a baby just to appease you but when it comes down to it, he doesn't want to start all over again. Its an adjustment and it changes your life having an infant around. I love my BD4 but there are many times that the older kids are gone for the weekend and it would be so nice just to be alone but it can never happen!
Don't let him cheat you out of your own happiness. If it comes down to him not wanting another child then you need to be with someone who is more compatible with you. If you stay with him, you might just end up resenting him and the skids.
Originally my DH stated he
Originally my DH stated he did not want more kids. Originally I was told for over 14yrs I could not have more kids. It was an oops for us to say the least, as we actually both thought it was my tumor growing bigger...hmmm...But DH had gone to doctors with me for my tumor prior to that and knew that I wasn't scamming him about not being able to have kids. Once I became pregnant and it was confirmed, DH was very supportive and immediately went and got our kiddo a new toy...yes, while I was pregnant.
However, I will say that had I deceived him, I doubt he would have stayed around and I can't blame him. If you want kids and he does not, that is a problem. You need to determine what you want in life and I would NOT settle for someone who was not on board with it if I wanted kids.
Hi Sammmx! My BF and I have
Hi Sammmx!
My BF and I have also been together for 2 years (well end of this month). He is turning 36 this year and I'll be 30 next week. The baby thing is an absolute deal breaker for me and he knows it. His son is 11 and his Ex's BD is 18 - who he basically raised since she was 4.. He says he always wanted more kids with BM but she was done so he'd love to have more kids..but anytime i mention babies or how I can't wait to have them ( I have major baby fever) he just pretends he didn't hear me or changes the subject. Now, we aren't married and we def need a bigger house so I can see why the baby thing might be a distant thought for him..but if he ever changed his mind, I would have to be done.
You've been with your guy for 2 years and he's acting like a jerk about having a child with you. He's being selfish..he already has his kid so it's not a real priority for him. He may end up resenting you, resenting your baby because he's got to put in 18 more years all over again. Thats not someone I'd want to bring a child into this world with.
It also sounds like deep down he doen't want another baby, but he might be struggling with making you happy. He keeps changing his mind day to day - not a good sign
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DH knew I wanted kids right
DH knew I wanted kids right away. Had DD 11 monthes after we married. He thought one would be enough for me. When DD was 2 I said I really wanted a second baby. DH agreed to start trying right away. DS was born 9 monthes later. He knew that his having previous children had nothing to do with my desire to be a mother. I would have never married him otherwise.
DH said he didn't want
DH said he didn't want anymore, but changed his mind. I didn't want to take bc so I told DH I wasn't taking it and he was happy when we started having kids, confessing he really wanted to have kids with me. He talked about getting a vasectomy for awhile but it turns out he really didn't want to do that. We have six now and he wouldn't mind having more. We don't use artificial birth control.
21? Oh Samm, give up on this
21? Oh Samm, give up on this guy. There are PLENTY of men out there who want kids who don't even have any yet. I wouldn't bank on this guy..he seems set in his ways and his current lifestyle. Don't let a man deny you the happiness of having a baby.
Yeah, you're pretty close.
Yeah, you're pretty close. He's 35 and I'm 21.
I know it's a significant age gap but we are at the same stages in life and we get along great. I've gone to college, got a degree, have a full-time job, my own vehicle, and we share a house. He owns his own business and works regularly as well. It just seems like that's the next thing we should be doing. And I am incredibly broody/dying of baby fever. It also doesn't help that everyone around me has a family. All my friends, my own BF, co-workers, etc. I just know deep in my heart I'm meant to be a mother and I refuse to waste time to let my body further deteriorate to the point where I am unable to reproduce. I love my BF and if he wants to have a family with me, that's where my path leads me. If he is too selfish to see that, then I will move on.
I wrote him a letter and left it for him while I was at work (I am much better at articulating my thoughts/feelings in written words than I am face-to-face when potentially faced with overwhelming emotion & possible arguments) just outlining essentially everything I had written in my blog. I know he read the letter as it was moved from the coffee table to the corner of the bookshelf. He never said anything about it to me initially, but he was being rather sweet (cooked me dinner, watched my shows with me). And then yesterday we were talking about the house and I was saying how we needed to organize the two spare rooms better to maximize space and he made a comment like "Well the baby will need it's own room"... I said nothing, but I certainly mentally latched on to that. I said in my letter I wasn't going to bring up/nag about the baby thing anymore, but made it very clear that if I'm not pregnant/we're not trying by the end of the year that, while it will break my heart, I will be walking away without a second thought. And after all the tears I've shed about wanting to become a mother, I think he knows how passionate I am about this and how I would certainly leave if he weren't going to father a child for me. I suppose only time will tell.
My partner said he didn't
My partner said he didn't want any more kids at beginning of the relationship (he had 4 already) - I was still quite young and thought I didn't want any but the the way he told me p**sed me off (during a minor argument he stated that there would be loads of other times we'd not necessarily agree with each other like him not wanting kids etc...as if I was supposed to just be ok with that). It came out the blue, we'd never discussed it before as it was still early days. Think that determined that I actually DID want kids but never bought it up. It wasn't until about 6 months later when his ex fell pregnant and we were discussing it because she wanted him to go back to raise the twins as his own as the father had buggered off, he realised that actually he just hadn't wanted anymore kids with her.
I can't remember when but we'd had a convo about my aunt not having kids because she'd wasted 10 years with a bloke who was adamant he didn't want any. I explained that she'd hung around because she hoped he would change his mind. His reply was simply "but, if you love someone then your love for them should override the wanting of a child". I couldn't believe he could have that mindset, some men seem to think it's a yearning you can just switch off. It's worse when that guy already has kids as it's something he shared with one woman but not with you.
I'm now on my second (planned), BM wasn't happy as the reason they split was because he wanted no more kids but you don't know how you're going to feel when you meet someone new OR are faced with the possibility of losing them. Don't make the mistake my aunt did but at the same time your partner may change his mind when faced with fact you're going to walk away if there's no hint of a baby in the picture by the end of the year.
Why do you want to have a
Why do you want to have a child with this man? He told you he still loves BM and that he'll go back to her if she gets her act together.
There are plenty of childless young men out there.