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What's your birthday protocol for SKids?

sammmx's picture

Submitted by sammmx on Tue, 08/28/2012 - 11:14am

SS2's birthday is in 2 weeks and so far BF has said very little about it. I know BM is going to want to either Angel throw him a party with us (b) throw him a part without us or (c) come to whatever gathering we plan. But of course, BM is only allowed to see SS2 for 3 hours on Thursdays alone unless it is supervised by us. So chances are whatever we do, she will be there. Is it so bad that I DON'T want her at part of whatever celebration we have?

SS9's birthday was in June. At that point he was living with his Grandma who threw him a birthday party (well 2, one with family & one with friends). SS2 was living with us. We were invited to the 'family' birthday party but because BF had to work it ended up being just SS2 and I attending. It was horrible, worst experience of my life (basically it was BM and all BM's family... then me). No one acknowledged me, if I tried to say something I was ignored, basically everyone acted like I didn't exist. I do NOT want to have to deal with that ever again, and after this happened BF said "Well, no more birthday parties for us then." But I don't know what the means in regards to SS2's birthday...

Not only do I not want a joint birthday part for my own selfish reasons, wouldn't it be kind of confusing for SS2? I don't know. I think I'd probably be really upset and irate if I had to sit around listening to the boys run around "Look Mommy! Look Daddy! Mom, Dad!" etc etc. I don't know. But would it be completely unreasonable to just have BM do her celebrations on the Thursday when she's got her visitation (his actual birthday is the Saturday) and then us do our own thing on the Saturday? I don't know, I'm so stressing about this already.

What do you usually do for SKid birthdays?

Comments

bt-sped-gf's picture

Submitted by bt-sped-gf on Tue, 08/28/2012 - 11:16am

We have separate ones. Always. Sometimes, we do joint present with BM, like a bike or a big doll house. But that's it.

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Tue, 08/28/2012 - 11:20am

We don't attend events that BM hosts, and vice versa. This usually results in a race to get invitations out (most kids will not attend two parties for the same person in two weekends) and a LOT of money being blown to have the "better" party.

I help, but don't get overly involved. And the kids make out like a bandit.

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Tue, 08/28/2012 - 12:00pm

Oh isn't that nice. Last year for SD4's bday, BM found out when/where we were having our party (Sunday afternoon since we got the skids back on Sunday morning). She scheduled a party the day before at the exact same place. We had already paid the non-refundable fee and sent out invitations. So when we got to the place and half of her friends were there, the place had lost its luster and she was bored. Luckily at age 4 kids are pretty easy to entertain.

She did the same thing for SD6's party except we lied to her about when/where we were having it. She ended up having a party the weekend before at a totally different place. Worked out pretty well.

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Tue, 08/28/2012 - 1:12pm

Oh she ranted and raved about how dishonest DH is and how he's done nothing but lie to her since the day they met .. blah blah blah

DH pretty much told her that she has no right to know anything about what we do with the skids on our own time .. if that includes birthday parties, then so be it. He also added that her dramatics were basically just a failing attempt to cover the fact that she was simply trying to sabotage yet another birthday party for her own kids.

Her response to that? "Well at least I had MY party first."

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Tue, 08/28/2012 - 1:15pm

Hell would freeze over and devils would ice skate before she would ever admit that.

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Tue, 08/28/2012 - 1:15pm

I honestly think the kids get too damn much. Between the party places ($300+), cakes, presents, favors, decorations, etc .. it's EXPENSIVE!

They're not my kids though .. and birthdays have always been a big deal to DH (mostly because BM was deployed for most of them and he felt like he had to over-compensate for BM not being there). So it's his thing, and I pitch when I can.

Still Have Hope's picture

Submitted by Still Have Hope on Tue, 08/28/2012 - 12:28pm

BM totally went overboard for every skid birthday with limo rides to movies, arcades and restaurants for skids & their friends. DH was smart enough not to try to compete. We let them chose dinner (usually pizza delivery) and had homemade cake with ice cream. Then they got to open our practical gifts (3-4) that never excited them like BM's over the top extravagances. Funny now that Cs is over BM hasn't continued with this tradition.

lawyergirl06's picture

Submitted by lawyergirl06 on Tue, 08/28/2012 - 12:29pm

We had BM do the older girl's birthdays on her supervised visit. She threatened to get a court order and SO said fine, there won't be a party at all. That shut her up. We didn't want her to know we were taking the kids to see my family that weekend anyway.