I would be LIVID, SB....honestly, in reading your
blog and others, I think all these Hs are off their
rocker of late.

Is it ofical treat your wife like SH*T week or what?
It SUX in this case to know we're not alone; question
is, how much longer can we put up with this blatent
LACK OF RESPECT??!

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

and if you are too, just let it go. Do exactly what you want when you want to do it and don't report to anyone. When he asks you to do something, have other plans...if he wants you to take his kid somewhere, say no I'm busy (in a nice way of course). Be very very nice, but do exactly what you please. Act as though they don't exist. Not getting sucked into the drama feels great. Plus you are getting to do what you want. The less interested you seem in the whole drama thing the more they'll try to pull you in.
You are worth more than this. You deserve better than to be treated like this.

im hearing more and more about this recently and i dont get it. children are children, not lovers so why do some men traet their daughters almost as such? not suggesting anything incestous, but still...the behavior is out of line. i agree w lil_teapot...let it go and stop being available for him.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

It sounds horrible, but sometimes it seems like the ONLY way I can know what is going on between DH and his Princesses (especially SD16) is by reading his text messages.
Just last week, SD16 left him a text, asking DH to pick her and a friend up from play practice because BM refused to last minute (of course) leaving them stranded at school- and the friend's mom couldn't.

DH did. And he got home late and didn't tell me why. Here I was feeling SORRY for the man that he had an extra long day AT WORK, but come to find out (only through snooping) that he left work EARLY to go and pick up SD16 on a day when he was not supposed to- being BMs chauffeur once again.

When I found out about this (4 days later) I confronted him and asked him why he didn't tell me about it. He told me he "didn't want to get me upset."

Upset? Of course I'm upset! I thought we AGREED that we weren't going to play chauffeur for BM anymore just because she was too freakin' lazy to fulfill her responsibilities on her custody days. So WTF???

And upset that the ONLY way I found out about it was by resoourting to snooping. Is this what our marriage has come to?

So, yes, Sarahb, I completely understand your feelings on this one!

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

It feels like you are purposely being kept out of something "special" and "secretive". Like a little inside joke that only they share. It's childish and immature- like something 7th grade girls do!

And no wife should be made to feel like that by her husband.
I'm so sorry it's happening to you

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

remind him he has vowed to be with you 'til death, and it can either be heaven or hell! kids grow up, move away, have their own families. but he's going to grow old right by your side. it's great he has a strong relationship w/ his daughter, but HELLO! if he made plans with you first, he should get your permission to change them. i don't mean to sound controlling to any men out there, i'm SO NOT! but that is BEYOND RUDE! it's down right hurtful and inconsiderate, child or not, YOUR HIS WIFE! why does that stop to matter to our SOs so often? roles reversed you'd probably never hear the end of it, am I right?

I'm with Vic. Tell him you smelled a rat and looked for it. If it were me I would say, "Hey- I noticed all this texting on your phone. I know you hate texting so I actually thought maybe one of the kids was doing it without permission..."

I think your FH does have boundary issues with SD. I think though, that most of us SMs struggle with our boundaries even more. I'm about to post on that one myself.

I think I would sit FH down and say..

I am letting you know that I realized I wasn't asserting my needs enough here. When we have plans and you change them for SD, then tell me that you told her you'd have to check with me first, but had already told her yes...

you are taking my feelings for granted. And I don't think that's acceptable."

I understand how you feel to a degree. I think all of us need a workshop on the boundary thing. I picked up a book on the topic on my way back from SWs cabin. It's kind of hokey at times, but there's some good stuff in there.

I hope your FH gets this when you talk to him SB. It's so frustrating. My DH gets stuff, but sometimes the discussion is heated and tense, then he has to go somewhere else to absorb it. He feels stuck in the middle of SD and me all the time, and I'm sure that's not a comfortable place to be.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

I was uncomfortable with doing this myself before but we as women just KNOW when something is not right. I checked my FHs cell phone 4 months and his on-line bill and low and behold he was paying for the BMs phone who was calling him 40 to 50 times a month. So I got all that mess out of the way. He accused me of snooping and I said SO WHAT. I don't care you shouldn't have acted so dishonest and shady in the first place then I wouldn't have had to turn in to a flippin Jr Detective. I said we are a couple and you can look at my phone, mail, email, whatever I don't have anything to hide. My DH had a problem with SD before calling her pet names like how he would call me as well. He would call her baby and sweetie. We were together one time and he said hey sweetie look at this and me and SD both turned around and I said to both of them ewwww your daddy calls you that like you are his g/f or something that is so gross. You must be so embrassed and she was like oh yeah dad can you stop calling me that. I told my FH - when you call SD those little pet names it is really kinda sick since you call me the person you sleep with those names every night - I said you sound so perverted. He never called her anything after that but her name. Anyways sorry to go off on that tangent but DO NOT BE AFRAID TO CONFRONT HIM WITH THIS SHIT. YOU TWO ARE A COUPLE not him and SD. All this stuff I have been reading about with daddies and the girls have been sounding so incestal it is making me pretty grossed out!

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

My h's relationship with SD17, as many of you already know, makes me sick. It's gotten to the point that I hate even hearing her name-which he rarely calls her, preferring to refer to her as Babe. Crap, last nite he and I were in a store together, she calls, he anwsers, and making his voice go real deep says "Hellllo, Darrrrlin'". And, oh yes, they send pictures back and forth on their phones, private, texts, all the same crap.

Had a huge fight with H today=he spent all day yesterday complaining and critsizing me-first-I'd fixed my hair-so he acted like he was crying because I straightened it. Then, oh let's see-oh, one of the salt shakers got moisture in it-of course, my fault, then it was the trash can. I keep it (always have) by the back door, two steps down from the kitchen. He wants it in the kitchen. (I have a small kitchen). So, since I had put it by the back door, he throws the trash (above mentioned salt shaker & a carton of eggshells) on the floor-and leaves it there for me to clean up. All he did was lay around-again, sleep, watch TV. Eat. Talk to his darlin' SD17 on the phone. We had it out. My blood is still up from it-I told him if he didn't want to be married to get the hell out of my house. That felt so good. So then he says Well! what's mine-I'm takin it (couch, bed, tv, dining set, pots & pans) and I just told that a$$whole that he's not taking a thing out of here until he brings my things back from the apartment (my couch, my easy chair, my TV). Course then he's all mad again, saying that's what wrong here; you have the power to kick me out if you want to. Because this is your parents house.

Well, girls, this is my parents house. And he gets to live here with no rent, no house payment. How many of you would like that? Live rent and payment free? And you know what? I may never get to go back to school-but I will find a job. And save a few bucks, payoff a bill or two, then if he doesn't change 100%, I will kick him out. Along with his precious SD17.

Sorry. Total Rant. I think I'm beginning to hate him.

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

All I want to do is cry. But I won't give him the satisfaction. But it's hard. We're supposed to go to the Celine Dion Concert in Denver on Wednesday (I love her music), but I'm not even looking forward to it now. I don't want anything to do with him.:sad: