Here we go again. I'm fairly new to this site, so let me give you some background. My dh and I have been married for just over 2 years, together for almost 5. I have a SS8 and a SS11. We do not have any children of our own...not for a lack of trying (we've had 4 miscarriages in the last 2 years). We have a solid marriage...accept for the SS's.

SS8 is awesome. He's a lot like dh and I, outgoing, into sports, sarcastic, just an all around fun kid. SS11, on the other hand, well, he's something else. As my sister says, he's just a weird kid. He has no interest in sports, the outdoors, social activities, nothing. As I think back, he never really did have an interest in those things. It's hard for us to bond with him because all he wants to do is play video games. SS8 does great in school. He struggles in some places, but is always will try and puts forth a great amount of effort. SS11 could care less. I know what you are probably thinking, he's depressed. We have gone down that road, taken him to a counselor at school, professional, and at church (his BM took him to the church one). He also lies.

His most recent lie came out on Thursday. We got a call from his SD(BM has primary custody)that SS11 had failed his final 5th grade project, a report on cougars. He had been telling his teacher that he was working on it at home and telling his BM that he was working on it at school. When it came time to turn it in on Thursday, he had nothing. The teacher called BM and the truth came out, he had lied to everyone. There should have been more communication between BM and the teacher, but regardless, SS11 should be held responsible for his actions.

This happened on Thursday, and we got them yesterday for our weekend. DH wasn't home from work yet during drop-off, so I had to talk with BM and SD about what had happened. Don't get me wrong, I do not like BM. She is a hypercritical "Christian" who is a "stay at home" mom and does not contribute to society. SD is also not my favorite, but I feel that we have a sort of bond because SS's are not ours and we both get annoyed at the same things. So, when talking to them yesterday, I found out that SS11 goes back to their house and tells them that I hate him (SS11) and I only buy him things to keep him out of my hair. He also said that dh and I fight all the time (we have never fought in front of the kids for this very reason) and that dh says that he can kick SD's ass (never been said, but probably true ) Not surprising, SS11 says similar things when he's here.

Besides buying the essentials like shoes, clothes, and food, the only other things I have bought were a DS (for his bday 2 years ago) and wii or xbox games that the family can all play. I also took our family to Disneyland 2 years ago, a trip that he ruined by crying on every ride and being scared to even stand in line. He is right in the fact that I do yell at him a lot and get mad, I have high expectations for an 11 yr old and he acts like a 5 year old. I wish I could have a refund for that trip! (I go to CA every year for Thanksgiving with my mom's family. She passed away almost 3 years ago from breast cancer).

Needless to say, SS11 is grounded for the next month. Last night, he was sent straight to his room when he got here. He was given dinner, but that was it. He's been out pulling weeds since 7am this morning. We are running out of punishments. We feel like we have tried everything in the past when he's lied and nothing works. I've given up on him being anything in life other than a non-functioning member of society. Mean, yes. Realistic, yes.

I did tell him this morning that what he said about me buying him stuff to keep him out of hair really upset me. I told him that the DS was a present because I love him. I then proceeded to say that it would take years for him to rebuild the relationship we had because if he were truly my son, he would never have said those hurtful things. Then I slammed the door. Point made? Hopefully.

So, the point of this?? I don't really know, other than to vent!! SS8 and I are having a fun day today-movie, shopping (he likes to shop with me), smores tonight...all while SS11 does chores and sits in his room when he's not doing chores. I feel slightly bad for him, but he is the one who got himself in this situation, with his lies and his laziness.