Facebook Message from BM
This is the first real interaction I had with BM. She sent me this Facebook message last summer. I requested for my FH to be my friend on FB, knowing that she was the one that had made it for him. I kinda knew she was the only one that even looked at his page, but I just thought it would be fun to see what would happen. This is what I received. I will post the response next. KEEP IN MIND...THEY WERE NOT MARRIED OR IN ANY KIND OF A RELATIONSHIP WHEN THIS WAS SENT TO ME!!!
"I suppose you are not aware that I am in control of "George"'s accounts. And the only reason why he is still in contact with you is because I allowed him to do so, I am sure he does not tell you that. For years I have managed to keep a lot of women away, far more beautiful and way younger than yourself. But I am tired. I get that a woman your age, recently divorced and about to go downhill, is desperate to find a guy in the few years you still have left before age spots and menopause happens and you are unable to find someone to take you in. Good for you, you must be quite desperate to keep coming back to a guy who has dropped you twice at my request. regardless of what he may say to you, he did as I said. You may say the same about me, and that is fine, I was, in fact married to him for 8 yrs. and together for 12. I have a lot of interest invested in "George", as whatever he does with his life affects mine and that of my children. So I will always have a say, forever.
You must understand that I have to take this chance to address you because it is the last time I may have the opportunity. I may sound callous,and aggressive, but I have the right to be.
"George" decided to finish things with me 5 years ago, but he never told me so, he seemed changed but refused to accept it. He said he wanted to try to fix us, but he kept on cheating. And so this last December, he finally said it. And so I had this past several months to assimilate that, I was just getting used to the idea of our marriage being done, when you appear in the picture, there was another woman that I scared away, her name was "Susie", you may know her. But as angry and shocked as I was and as nasty as things turned this past week, I realize this is for the better, I need this, this makes it painful but at the same time easier for me to move on. I have never encountered a woman as stubborn as yourself. you just wont go away, this that I am doing right now, you may or may not understand, you may laugh at me or find me
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...whatever comes to your
...whatever comes to your mind.... I'm not doing this for your benefit, this is for me, it does not matter what George tells you, he just got done with me, he loves to say he was done a long time ago, but it is not true, this just happened, he had 5 years to get over me, 5 yrs to prepare, I have had months, and so I reserve the right to be angry, and hurt, and jealous. I can make life hell for you two, as you may already know, I am the mother of his kids and he will put them ahead of any woman, so have respect for me, and I will try very hard to do the same for you."
OOps, I forgot to change the names in the first paragraph...
Here's my response: "i'm
Here's my response:
"i'm sorry. I was under the impression that you two have been divorced for @ least 3 years and not in a relationship for about a year. I appreciate your concern, but I am a good person, good mother & am self sufficient in my career to take care of myself. I don't need anyone to take care of me financially and if I knew you were in an actual relationship with him, I would not be persistent, but that is not the case. I dont think that this warrants threats to me. i assure you that if things should continue with George, you will have no problems with me. yes, i am older, and i have not witnessed this level of immaturity for years, but i can understand where you are coming from."
Her response: "If immature is
Her response:
"If immature is the label you want to use, feel free, yes we have been divorced for almost 4 years, but we were still together in December, I mean living together, and in a relationship. I understand that George probably wanted to make a better impression by saying otherwise. I have access to all of his bank accounts, all of his e-mail addresses, his statements come to my house, I check his phone, by this I mean I have kept absolute control over him over the course of this marriage, and divorce, and he still manages to hide and do things behind my back. I had told him about 2 weeks ago, that he was free to pursue life on his own, as I am moving to Springpatch. All I asked from him was to wait until I was moved out. out of respect for me, but I find out that he had been talking to you, and you even came to his house and I was furious that he couldn't even do that for me. He agreed not to contact you again since the incident Monday, he is on the phone with me right now, as I write this, he promised once more not to contact you until I leave. But he also promised that if you cause me any trouble in the future he will drop you. I really don't care if you think I am crazy,or immature or psychotic, I embrace those labels."
The incident she was referring to was she threatened to commit suicide...
Me: I am sorry that i have
Me:
I am sorry that i have caused you any problems, as that was not my intention. i simply added him as a friend on facebook. I didnt realize it would cause such problems. i understand your concerns and appreciate your feelings. I assure you I am a peaceful person that you do not have a thing to worry about. I feel you have gotten the wrong impression about me. I was only aware of Monday that you told him not to talk to me again. I made the decision not to talk to him when you sent the text from florida. I am not fully aware of the circumstances of Monday. I am sorry to cause you problems. Wasnt my intention.
Her final response: "gee! you
Her final response:
"gee! you are making it really hard to hate you right now. I am a good person, I am a good mother... I just so happen to have a broken heart right now, all the other women were arrogant and confrontational. That is why they didn't last. You have to understand that I will forever have to see George, I have 3 babies with him... if they had stayed I would have found myself in a lot of bad situations. I hate this so much, I want to hate you but I just can't, I am so tired. I absolutely despise the realization that I did in fact got the wrong impression of the type of person you were or are. I am used to dealing with trashy whores. That is what he usually goes for. I want to exit this with as much dignity as I possibly can. It is sometimes quite hard because he is very cruel and dishonest. George is stubborn but so am I. Listen, yes this causes me a great deal of hurt, but if he is going to move on with another woman, I would much rather have a civilized one such as yourself. As I am civilized and educated myself, I just carry my feelings on the outside. Do not mistake this as a sign of weakness, I am strong, I am confident, I am very smart. I sincerely apologize for having called you a whore, and having commented on your age, this goes against my feminist beliefs. It was the hurt talking.3FK
what a psycho!! lol!!
what a psycho!! lol!!
Reading this, and coming off
Reading this, and coming off not even a week and a half of finding my husband talking to someone else.... I want to say I honestly think that turned out really well on both parts. I do feel she opened herself up to you and while I cannot say she was honest about everything.. the lines of communication were opened.
I tried to be nice to her &
I tried to be nice to her & keep peace with her from the very beginning. She did open herself up to me, but she is CRAZY! I tried to be nice to her & was willing to try & get along with her for the kids. She hated me from the minute she found out about me & was never willing to follow through with any of the things she said. She didn't mean any of it. It got progressively worse without me even acknowledging anything she said.72
Of course she hated you. He
Of course she hated you. He cheated. How would you feel if you were in her shoes?
He didn't cheat. That's the
He didn't cheat. That's the whole deal. They were not even together. In her mind they were because she was so controlling she didn't let him even have a girlfriend after they were divorced 3 years & not even remotely dating. She has Borderline Personality Disorder, keep that in mind. We were together, but we kept it a secret from her bc she said if he got a gf, she would flee the country with their kids. So, we kept it a secret for awhile, then when he finally decided to tell her, she was ok with it for about 5min, then decided she didn't want him to move on. He had moved on long before! 8F
Wow. Well, I commend you for
Wow. Well, I commend you for keeping your wits about you through all of that. She obvioulsy was hurting, and confused and not wanting to let go. I am anxious to hear how things are with her now. This all happened a year ago, right?
I have went through alot with
I have went through alot with her & the whole time, talking to a lawyer & doing the right thing by not even talking to her. I actually had to change my number & block her on my facebook page. She may have been hurting, but we don't even know why she was hurting bc she hadn't been in a relationship with my FH for at least a year when she sent me this message. She has BPD & is very controlling & yes, she did have alot of control over him, but she didn't have the control that she said she had of his phone, bills, yada yada. She is dilusional....seriously.
Things are better now only bc we had to get an order of protection against her, then when that ran out we actually changed FH & BM's divorce decree to include a No Contact Clause. It's bad. The only way she can harrass us is from the one weekly email the court set up that is just supposed to be about the kids. She has already abused that within the whole 2 months that we have had it. She will never change.
I'm still trying to figure
I'm still trying to figure out why you opened that can of worms in the first place?
Im sooo cunfused. Why does
Im sooo cunfused. Why does she still have his passwords and such? And I am sorry...but...your DH may end up cheating on you too..
Wow, you thought it would be
Wow, you thought it would be FUN to add to her pain. That's not very peaceful.
I guess I didn't make myself
I guess I didn't make myself clear on this. I had posted a previous blog telling my story. then I posted this to show how crazy BM is. He didn't cheat on her with me. She lied to me telling me that they had a relationship when they hadn't been married for 3 years & hadn't been in a relationship with her for over a year after they had tried to work things out. It didn't work out, he was single, we met & this is the result. Drama. She has BPD. So, she thinks they had a relationship bc she was still trying to control him. I came on this site to share my pain, not hers. This was supposed to be a supportive site, I thought. I felt like I had found a home here where I could talk to others who know or have BPD's in their relationships & they would understand. I feel a little bit like I got a hard time over this from some people. The truth of the matter is, she has BPD, she is delusional, literally, she tried to extort him for ALOT of money, that didn't work, so she threatened to kill me & my daughter who is 6 in front of him, then off him too. So, we had her arrested, she went to jail, we had an OP against her. It ran out, the court changed the divorce to include a No Contact Clause so that she cannot be in contact with us EVER unless it's the weekly email to him to find out how her children are doing. She doesn't have custody, bc when they got divorced she signed them over to him. She has said in texts that have been taken to court, that she doesn't love her oldest child, she said FH & me(whore) could have her, she doesn't even want her. She has forgotten all of this, said she was sorry & that we needed to just get over all of it....
So, I hope that everyone reading all this understands that she has a mental problem. Almost all of her facebook message was lies. I thought everyone would understand. Now I am half scared to post anything else, here where I thought it was safe, bc people are thinking i am the bad guy. I hope not bc I really have felt comfortable here for the very short time I have been on this forum. Thanks to the ones who understand where I am coming from & I'm sorry if I didn't explain myself well enough to the ones who weren't thinking I was the good guy.
Why is DH allowing this
Why is DH allowing this control over him? How old are his kids? I think you should disengage from her truthfully, and request that DH do likewise, gradually decrease the transactions in bank accounts and open up new ones that she has no idea about and and open up a new facebook account and ease her out of the picture ... She's not going to get out willingly so let her have her wee delusion that she's in 'control'.
I suspect that she has not moved on because DH has not allowed her to. I suspect that they both have control issues...right? I would be going with a gradual phasing out there...
We did do the gradual phasing
We did do the gradual phasing out thing. Someone in the previous posts thought he was cheating on her with me. Which wasn't the case. We simply kept it a secret & phased her out. This whole thing took place a year ago. FH has nothing with her name still on it. She still isn't willing to let go of him fully. She uses the children as pawns. She is currently trying to bribe him, so she wont put the kids in the middle. It's messed up. She is the one who wouldn't let him move on. He didn't date for a long time before me bc he was scared she was going to run away with the kids. She has threatened to do that & much worse. She thought she had the control over him & he was kinda brainwashed by her. If you read about partners of BPD spouses, you will see how easy that is bc of the manipulation & the hold that they have bc of the kids.
I realize that this type of
I realize that this type of interaction was not good. This was a year ago, in the beginning of this crazy story. I have had no interactions with her since. In the above post I explain that she doesn't have control over his accounts & such. She never did. She just told me that to let me think that she controlled him.
Thank you for the advice of
Thank you for the advice of editing the first post. I was so into it, I didn't change the names to protect the innocent....or guilty!
I guess I should've told
I guess I should've told everyone to go to my first post before reading this. Sorry for the confusion.TL
I understand where you are
I understand where you are coming from. My FDH's ex tried the same shit with me. The only difference is she didn't know I work for a law firm and I had ran a background check before the first date. I found the divorce information as well as his traffic violation and his most recent location of address. (I am a little protective of my self I was raised by cops). So when she tried the whole we are still married he has cheated on me before I then recited the date the divorce was final and she screamed and yelled that it was a lie. I called her on all her bs it was great.
Just hang in there and record everything you can!