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SD Moving out and taking what she wants!

Scorpiomum1111's picture

Submitted by Scorpiomum1111 on Mon, 07/19/2021 - 8:05am

I know I have been MIA on this yet another issue has arrised. SD is moving out next week. She has been bounsing from friends house to friends house since she is only 17. (BM kicked her out and we would not let her move in). SD came over last night which was the first time in about two months. She was making comments on the things she is going to take from our house that his hers. Like her bed set and clothes. When talking with my husband I agreed since we really have no need for it and its really no worth selling. SD then made a comment about wanting a necklase we got her while on our honeymoon. I personally do not think she should have it since for one it was expensive and two she never wore it. I wear it more then she does. Plus if you read my other blogs I do not think so deserives it. I am hoping for some advise on how to tell my husband that I do not think she should have it, yes at one point we said she could, but that was before all the fuck ups she has done and all the headaches she has caused. Plus she never wears it and never asked for it till now. Another think with her living with a bunch of people I am sure it will get stolen or misplaced. Please advise. Thanks.

Comments

missgingersnap2021's picture

Submitted by missgingersnap2021 on Mon, 07/19/2021 - 8:30am

I don't think it's right to give someone something and then take it back. It has a name but isn't politically correct to say. Smile But what I think your DH (not you) should say to her is that he wants to hold onto it until she's settled somewhere for awhile. I was thinking she asked for it so she could sell it.  Then wear it a lot and plan on giving it to her in the future 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Submitted by TheAccidentalSM on Mon, 07/19/2021 - 8:32am

Agree

caninelover's picture

Submitted by caninelover on Mon, 07/19/2021 - 8:32am

It was a gift and it's hers.  Offering to hold onto it is a good idea but it sounds like she wants it out of spite.  Either way I'd give it to her.

Scorpiomum1111's picture

Submitted by Scorpiomum1111 on Mon, 07/19/2021 - 8:38am

That does make sense. She has stolen from me so many times and now she has sold my clothes social media a few months ago. I should my H the screen shots but since I did not have access to the main page she created he didnt believe me and stated that could of been anyone. So its really hard to see things that I helped buy that are pricy to just leave the house for her to sell or lose. Just like concert tickest we got her for xmas. Since xmas she has done so much danmage then good that I did not think she should get those tickets. We had plained doing a big grad vacay for her when she graduated high school but since then she has dropped out, moved out and only stops by when she wants something. So I flat out told my H that if he even thinks about plaining a trip.. like to the bahamas... for her after all the things she has done then I am done. I will not bust my ass at work, save money for our family to go on vacay or fix the house up... just so that she can boost about her being on a trip she never even worked for. All we asked of her is to get desent grades, stay out of trouble and graduate. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Mon, 07/19/2021 - 12:44pm

The term is historically inaccurate, not politically incorrect. Native Americans did not give "gifts" and then take them back. As was their cultural norm, when they gave something, they expected something of equal value in return, as a form of barter.

missgingersnap2021's picture

Submitted by missgingersnap2021 on Mon, 07/19/2021 - 8:42am

So you had pics of your clothes online and they were no longer in your house but he didn't believe you??? Maybe you need to sell the necklace and tell her it was to cover the cost of the clothes she stole!!! 

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Mon, 07/19/2021 - 8:59am

It was intended for her and was given to her.  Yes, she might sell it but that money might keep her away from you longer.  I'd draw the line there, though (her bed, her clothes, the necklace).   You dont want her getting the idea that whenever she needs or wants something, all she has to do is come over and point.

Scorpiomum1111's picture

Submitted by Scorpiomum1111 on Mon, 07/19/2021 - 9:07am

Yea well DH already stated she can take her bedroom set. Funny is that she is not even using it her room mate is. But I plain on bagging her room up this week. I also plain on talking to him more about certian things going forward. His daughter is "an adult" now and she needs to find ways to make it in life on her own. I get we all struggle but this is that path she chose. Not go graduate school, not to work full time and sell things that do not belong to her.

I did exchange the clothes she got from xmas. They sat in the box for over three months and DH gave me the go ahead after we caught her on the camera stealing from her dad in out bedroom. See we have a lock but forgot to shut the door and you can see her sneak in, go on his side of the bed to take money and flower he had. 

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Mon, 07/19/2021 - 9:13am

My SD59 still sees our house as some kind of a free Wal-Mart.  So keep your eyes open.  

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Mon, 07/19/2021 - 10:36am

This sounds like a horrible situation.

The gift is a gift and its hers. Draw the line there.

Shes still a minor at 17, so try to push forward, and lock everything down. That also means no vacations.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Mon, 07/19/2021 - 10:57am

The necklace was a gift to her, so I'd let that go. If she sells it, thats on her, not something you can control.

BUT

in the meantime that necklace can go MIA  ;)   Act all innocent, Gee I dunno SD where it is. ?  Then if she ever matures and is remorseful (probably never but still) you can give it back to her.

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Mon, 07/19/2021 - 12:14pm

I was thinking you should give it to her (or hold it until she's 18 and then give it to her), until I read that she steals from you and she sold your clothes. No way, no how would I let her have it knowing that. It would disappear. Oops, maybe the same thief who took all your missing stuff (and your clothes!) got that necklace as well. Obviously things in your home have a tendency to disappear, so this won't be out of the ordinary.

superlado's picture

Submitted by superlado on Mon, 07/19/2021 - 7:56pm

Yea I'd be like I sold your necklace. I'm so sorry I thought that was what we did to each other ?! Then a little smack on the shoulder and you wink your eye. 
 

then change all the locks because she's gonna be back for your shit !  So as no to cause more drama the adult in me says either give it to her or tell her you'll save it until she's more mature.