How did this end up his (our) problem?
So the BM is having surgery this morning but will be out this afternoon. Guess who is picking her up from the hospital and taking her home?? Yep, that would be us. I am obviously not happy about this. Apparently she called several people she knows and no one would do it... no surprise to me that she doesn't have any friends, a comment he made to her on the phone too - so what's the matter, don't you have any friends? But he still agreed to do it and after I was done being speechless I said I was going too.
Question - am I being silly insisting on going? On one hand it does seem a bit silly interrupting my day to do this but on the other hand (the less logical one) I'm not about to let her play happy little family with BF and step-son #2 picking her up from the hospital.
Speaking of step-son #2 he had it out with her last night, absolutely refused to go with her so he ended up at our house an extra evening (which is a good thing, #2 is a pleasure to have around). She called crying after she left... it's too bad she is so self-centered that she'll never figure out that SHE is the reason she has no friends and her kids want nothing to do with her.
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OH- Hell NO!
Here we go AGAIN! Yet another drama-filled ex who loves to play the control game with her ex...and the ex can't seem to find his spine and say "NO!"
Too bad she's having surgery. That's not HIS problem. THEY are no longer in a relationship. She could call a cab, for all I'd care!
THIS is where the games just don't end! So let me ask you...
Is he going to stay with her, too? Just to make sure "she's ok?"
And is he going to run to the store for her to get her medicine?"
I'm sorry to sound rough here, but you gotta help find your BF's balls so he can tell this drama queen,
"YOU'RE NOT MY PROBLEM ANYMORE!!!"
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
for me
I would not want to be in the same car with her, listening to her whine..poor little me, however I understand you wanting to be there to keep an eye on things.
I dont think you are being silly.
cautious yes.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
I agree
I don't think I could ride in the same car with Bm. It would be too stressful and nauseating! One time Bm wanted to car pool with up to a dr. appt. for ss. We had ss with us but we told her that she couldn't ride with us because it would be too uncomfortable. Yuck!!
Dawn
You are not wrong. I would
You are not wrong. I would not be happy if dh was going to pick his ex up from a surgery procedure. That is an intimate thing to do.
Why can't she take a cab?
???
Your DH should have suggested this.
I agree Jess
And that's what I suggested, too. The fact that BF is so willing to help and get into all this drama would make me terribly uneasy.
Their relationship is O-V-E-R.
As another poster said. Surgery is an intimate experience and only close family & friends should be involved. This sends mived messages to both parties.
And it puts YOU, the current GF, in a terrible position.
I would not accept it.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
I guess it really
depends on the ex. If she is anything like DH's ex, he wouldn't be caught dead with her in the same room, let alone picking her up from the hosp. I am, by nature, a nuturing person, so if DH and ex had a good relationship and we did as well, I would help her out. Being as that I don't know anything at all about your situation, I would say your gut is correct..... Tell him to gorw a pair and learn the word "no".
I'm with everybody else
Why can't she call a cab? They are no longer married he has no responsibility to her only to kids.
Stupidity is an equal opportunity condition.
Thanks everyone...
I love the taxi idea, and it crossed my mind too. Sometimes I think I’m the one who needs to grow some balls and tell him what I really think. Although it really isn't typical for him to even be nice to her on the phone, let alone go out of his way to help her - which is why this is all the more puzzling I guess. I think he just had a moment of feeling sorry for her - seriously, no friends, no family and she has to beg her son to stay at her house and help her while she's hurt because he wants nothing to do with her. Again, ALL of her own doing though! His comment was something about being a good example to his kids of how to treat people.
Thank you for the word "intimate"... that is a perfect description of exactly what bothers me the most about this. I am definitely going, I can at least take that away from her!
O my
Sound like Dh had a moment of feeling sorry for the X. My Dh would never say yes to something like this ( I hope) and if he did, he would ketch a long drawn out detailed earful about why its not appropriate for him to be "helping her out" and you can bet your bottom dollar that I would be along for the ordeal ( unfortunately). Not because I'm a jealous person, but Dh would insist that I come, because we are " partners in crime" is what he calls it. He expects me to go through everything with him, and if I can't or don't want to , then he wont go. He used to assume things with BM and ss when we first met, but I retrained him pretty good, and now he usually asks me for my opinion before committing to anything. I have to say that this has helped our situation considerably, but I had to make him see that it needed to be about the both of us, not just him since I would be married to him ( and her yuck) and once married everything that affects him affects me. Sorry if I'm rambling, but I would be really P.Od, and planning a talk with him. O, not to mention that he may not understand how BM is trying to manipulate and control him, and what kind of gratification she would get over something sounding as harmless as this, but as women we know how we think, and what shes really up to... men can be so clueless sometimes and just assume that all is at face value.
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.-Erma Bombeck:
Also
your BM sounds like mine, no friends, no family around ( they all moved away from her) and ss is dying to live with us. She's so self centered its sickening.
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.-Erma Bombeck:
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Yeah! or even wiggle her nose or something? good one Cru
I confess to feeling slightly sorry for her because of being so hateful no one will help her with her surgery? WOW but I am afraid it will get more involved than just taking her home and I would definitely be present at all times!!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Wasn't as bad as I thought
She actually even thanked me for being there... of course she was very drugged at the time! She had her broom at the hospital but was too medicated to fly it so we just brought it back to her house. It is such a double edge sword though, life is so much easier when things are pleasant with his ex but I know she'll be just as crazy and unreasonable as ever at the drop of a hat. It's happened in the past that I've found myself "accidentally" being nice to her and it always seems to come back and bite me.
So GreenTea - how long did this retraining take?? I think I've been letting too much slide...
A few months
is about how long it took. Once we were engaged, and I knew how serious Dh was about marrying me, I ran over some ground rules about the whole BM situation, mostly to sure we were on the same page. We agreed on the "terms" verbally, and then in the months following things played out. He slipped up maybe once or twice with not asking me about something before confirming with her, so I let him know how it made me feel and wouldnt just let it go. He was very apologetic and vowed to never let it happen again. And he has been pretty good sticking to it, I think because he is genuinely not interested in her anymore, and has a lot of respect for me. He slips up more with how he treats ss, but thats another topic. You have to be sure hes on the same page, and that there is an understanding of what is acceptable interaction and whats crossing the line into inappropriate. It's a pain, and really makes you feel like a jealous b*tch, but in the end there are no misunderstandings because you have already discussed it, and hopefully a gentle reminder will be sufficed in the future.
Glad to hear it went ok, and you all got along }:)
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.-Erma Bombeck:
well i recently had an op
and i walked home (think i was high) i told the nurse i was getting a cab the walked and i made it
this bm has to go
find her own way home. what are you running a taxi cab company? have your guy call her back and say look, we're uncomfortable with you still in our lives, so call a taxi, goodbye. There's no need for him to have any interaction with her BEYOND discussing kid issues. He's being disrespectful to you by putting you in this position. I don't think he'd be happy about your carting one of your exbfs home from the hospital...especially if he was as needy as this leech sounds.
You're doing the right thing in going with...you need to show her that she may have been able to control him into giving her a ride, but you'll be there too so she can think twice about how much control she actually has over him. It sounds like he was just trying to be nice and not upset the applecart. BM though sounds like she's up to no good...i'd keep a close eye on her.