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Stepson affarid to show affection towards us DH and me (SM) in front of BM

Sexybaby's picture

Submitted by Sexybaby on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 1:35pm

Is this normal for my SS4 to do this? I'm a new SM and a BM of three kids been with DH for three yrs and married to him for a month.SS can show loving affection to us when DH gets him every other weekend. We went to SS pre-k graduation and we went to his classroom to see him and congratulate him, BM and her BF were there but his dad wanted to give him a hug he shyed away and hid behind BM. It was like he would get in trouble if show he was happy to see us or to his dad he shyed away from him(DH) also. SS didn't want to acknowledge me(SM) and the same thing when i said hi. BM's BF was standing next to her while he did this, I just bothered me but not to show affection towards his dad in front her(BM). I don't think that's right, but that's just me.

Any advise to help me with this

Comments

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 1:43pm

I think it is normal in a lot of situations. Insecure BM's. BM's that have a hard time NOT talking poorly about the dad's in front of the kids, BM's that are PAS or boarderline PAS. It is making the kids feel guilty for loving their dad.

This used to be the case with us, but as SS gets older, he is not afraid to be himself no matter WHO is there. Hopefully your SS will grow out of this as well. Just don't force him, and at the same time, don't with hold affection when BM is not around. It will become so natural and normal that he won't even eralize BM is there hopefully.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 2:06pm

This is 100% normal. Your stepson whilst still being young is still able to know that his allegiance is with his mother. She has probably verbalized to him that you and your DH are evil and that adds to the fear of being affectionate. As he gets older, he will grow out of this. My SD10 used to do this when she was 3, 4 and 5. If she saw me while she was with her mom she would put her head down and peak at me from behind her mother. I knew that she was just afraid to say hi. Don't take it personal.

Sexybaby's picture

Submitted by Sexybaby on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 2:17pm

Thank you for all your advise and yes you are right Lhenry487 that is true. but when i first me my SS awhile after when we dropped him off he would cling to me and said no mommy to let me go and I told him its okay your with your mom but now its totally different buts that's another long story. And yes I did tell him hi even tho he hid behind her

B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 7:11pm

Shoot, my SK's ignore their own father in the presence of the BM. As long as I've known them they've done this -- won't even look at DH if he talks to them. And they're mid-teens