I've asked this question before but still don't get it; how do you keep the love you feel with H sepearate from the anger you feel when he's totally oblivious to parenting and it effects the whole family relationship? For instance: 1. SS 15 3/4 is walking distance to BM's pig sty and has no scheduled visition so he comes & goes as he pleases. Problem: He shows up only to eat, sleep, & clog the toilet if he remembers to flush. Dirty dishes are left in the sink for someone else (me) to put in the dishwasher. His room is becoming a pig sty more & more; I make him do his own laundry but he never puts it away and the dirty gets mixed up with the clean; after three weeks of clean clothes squashed and now wrinkled in the basket, I finally threw them on his bed. You would think he gets the hint to put them away, but no...he just puts them back in the basket. I hid the TV remotes so he can find time to do homework now he just doesn't come around at all; he knows he has to at least keep his room clean but he hides at Mommy's house to avoid making him do anything including the only chore of keeping his room clean. The only time we might get a word in to SS is when he pops in right at bedtime or to shower and quickly leave. He knows we go to church on Sundays but he avoids coming up so he doesn't have to be bored with church. That also urks me since H believes it's his duty as a father to make his kid responsible in the church but doesn't make him go. Thank goodness, SS doesn't talk back, but only says "OK" when told he has to do something and it never gets done. That's the problem, the only time we have together is negative because we (mainly I) b***ch about what he knows needs to be done in the very short time we see him. The biggest problem isn't the kid, it's his Dad - my H. Guilt parenting has allowed this behavior to keep escalating and it WILL get worse. There are no real rules and if there were, no consequences instilled by dad. I know the BM is extremely difficult to talk to - she cheated on H and acts like it was H's fault for the divorce. There's no asking her for cooperation in getting SS to not hide at her house. I've backed off but after watching H be controlled by BM & SS's behavior more & more, I have to put in my two cents worth. We're all going to suffer the consequences of the lack of parental control. DH always tells me he's handling it but I don't see any changes. I keep thinking, only three more years (UGH). It's not SS's fault he gets away with doing what he wants when he wants it. That's why I took the remotes away - all he did was sit on his arse watching TV when he's failing school. I can't believe H doesn't take more control and see that his lack of inventive parenting is ruining his kid. I read other's blogs and see how many also can't stand their step kids, but it seems most of the problem lies in the lack of discipline by the bio parents. Sorry, but i just don't feel like being in the mood when I watch Daddio be a real whoosey and not the MAN I thought I married. Although my problems aren't that bad compared to what I've read on here, they're still extremely frustrating. I don't think it's the kid's fault I can't stand his presence, It's his whimpy father's fault. Kids will only do what you let them get away with, and dad just doesn't see it. I'm more disappointed in H's lack of parenting skills every day and it really bursts my libido bubble. Anyone else feeling this way have any solutions of keeping that loving feeling seperated from the disappointment of being with a whimpy father?