How do you disengage if...
...you are the BM of SKs siblings & they are all in the home together? In my opinion it seems like it would be wrong for me to do something for or with my kids only when it's really not SD's fault that I resent her because of H's preferential treatment & lack of parenting skills with her.
Also, what if you disengage & dad never steps ups to actually parent? I have a serious problem with "letting" any child in my home disrespect my home & I REFUSE to continue to feel like an uncomfortable third wheel in my own home while I wait to see if H will actually step up & parent.
How do you handle these situations?
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I disengaged with my sd and
I disengaged with my sd and my dh noticed the constant pressure on him to do everything for her. I would not ask her to do anything..if her room was a mess it stayed a mess, until he would go in there and flip over the bomb that hit. If she as hungry, she'd ask me, i'd say go get your daddy. She'd need her shower started, I'd nudge him to do it. He got sick of being the only parent for her, but ya know what........ it worked. I am seeing her being more respectful, and more appreciative, she is asking me again to brush her hair, etc, and slowly I am giving back to her needs to have me be apart of her life here. The other kids, are taken care of played with, etc... she was just another person walkin around the house due to her behavior. Did it cause problems with DH and I , sure, but I just said, "She doesnt respect me, so I am going to step aside" and I did... He got the hint, big time. He had NO CHOICE but to step up, because i did NOTHING for her..wouldnt even tuck her in at night... for months only daddy did it... but like I said, she is now asking me to tuck her in. Tonight she had a little toddler fit, and I kissed my BD, and My 2 BS's goodnight and tucked them in...she was crying loudly, i asked her what was wrong, she said YOU DIDNT TUCK ME IN, i said "I do not tuck in children while they are throwing a tantrum, if you are done, I will tuck you in, if you are not, then I will continue to ignore you" she said "yes I'm done, I"m sorry" I accepted her apology tucked her in,gave hugs n kisses, and told her I loved her. that was that, she's fast asleep, and I have a quiet house!
*I even tucked daddy in* lol
You can refuse all you wish to , however, until you step aside, and MAKE HIM see for himself, then you may continue to feel overwhelmed. My StepHome (as I am now calling it) is much calmer!! DH has opened his eyes and his ears( to her verbal bs!), and she realized daddy is fun, but SM is too! Which treated correctly!
Oh and remember, as long as
Oh and remember, as long as you continue to do it "for him" why should he bother? Step aside, if she gets mouthy, go tell DH, wait for him to MOVE his ass and handle it. HA..kinda like tattle tailing, she has to know she WILL NOT get away with it any longer. You may not say anything but HE WILL. I, actually, WAIT at a door way or a hallway, and tell him (for example) she just told me that I am not her boss...... so Being as I am not her boss, will you please go tell her WHO IS boss in this house so she is no longer CONFUSED! ...... you just gotta stand up, and you STEP UP, and DEMAND respect from EVERYONE in your household. It does work, and is kinda of empowering...... I am no longer the outsider, I have taken the reigns back.
Should she start her mess again, I will disengage again, and repeat as necessary. I will not allow her to control my emotions, my marriage, my happiness. She is a child, she is definitely not MY Boss! (ha ha)