Had to deal with BM and company at SS12's basketball tournament on Sunday. She had in tow her doofus boyfriend (recovering from surgery to fix his foot that didnt heal properly after a drunk buddy ran over it with a golf cart at a charity golf event last year - he was just as wasted - what a winner), SD19 (who uses me as an excuse for PAS against her father, heartily encouraged for years by BM), SD19's new flavor of the month boyfriend (who looks like the lead singer of Blues Traveler but with a much more vacant stare), and SD15 (who I generally get along with and used to be relatively close with until her big sister moved out and suddenly Mommy had time for her).

SS12 plays on TWO basketball leagues now - one on Saturdays for park district and one on Sundays which is (in my eyes) an over-hyped and expensive 6th grade feeder team. I dont plan on attending many of the Sunday games since I do attend church and sunday school with my kids regularly. BM could give a crap about her kids spiritual upbringing. Because this was first tournament for feeder team and it wasnt our normal weekend for kids anyway, I agreed to go with my SO to see what all the fuss was about for this team.

BM and her "court" were there in front of us (we missed first game because it was too early). Doofus was on his foot scooter and was waiting behind them to get into the gym due to hallway being very crowded. I thought it odd no one waited WITH him but then again BM dropped him off after his surgery at their house and drove off to get his medications, not bothering to help him into house. The result? He had to CRAWL inside because he cant put any weight at all on foot and couldnt get up the one step to the front door. She's a sweetheart, let me tell ya.

So Doofus began yakking away at SO about first game - SS didnt even play and they lost badly in any case. Me? I blended into the wall apparently and was able to use my invisibility cloak since I was totally ignored. Doofus is a moron anyway so I wasnt really too upset but it's still rude.

We get into gym and the queen and her court sit down right at start of chairs (no bleachers) so we walk past them. I made zero eye contact, no acknowledgement at all of any of them. I didnt want to do that to SD15 but I dont feel it fair I have to talk to her in front of three people who act like assholes to me. I dont know the new BF of SD19 and since he wont last more than a few months like the other ones, I dont think it's necessary for me to introduce myself. SO and I go sit about halfway down gym in back row of chairs.

I eventually make eye contact w SD15 and wave and smile. What do I get in return? A head bob and a sideways peace sign. Are you kidding? We havent seen the kid in like 2 1/2 weeks - she went to California with her boyfriend and his family from Christmas Day through New Years. The cool teenager thing is really starting to annoy me. It's not funny or cool - it's rude and makes you look like an idiot especially coming from a GIRL.

Game was a bust - feeder team sucked. And I mean like to the point I was trying not to laugh like wtf. We then have to wait for a 7th gr team to play a game to get to last 6th gr game for SS's team. SS goes directly to Mommy and co. and sits down. Zero acknowledgement of me and SO. Eye roll. Screw that, I am not going over there to talk to the kid and be treated like a pariah while everybody plays nice with SO even though BM and SD19 rip on him behind his back. Ah, the bullshit facade of "getting along" as "coparents". What a crock.

SO goes over there because he not only wants to talk to his son obviously but has to give BM something (new med card or something). I open a book. I love to read, books are my drug of choice and I just started a cool new series so I was content. SO returns and says all they are doing over there is ripping on SS and telling him how bad he is doing and why didnt he do this, why didnt he do that, blah blah blah. I hate that shit. I am no groupie by any means in regards to sports and to me, as long as the kid is having fun, shut the hell up. None of you have played basketball before so who the hell gave you the wisdom to coach him? Althought, SS usually is very good and he was lousy that day.

I get up to go to bathroom once - same behavior: no eye contact and I dont even look at them. Chairs couldve been empty for all I care. Disengagement button on. Same upon returning. Finally, right before new game starts, SS wanders by. Says hi with little enthusiasm (then again I'm not jumping out of my seat to greet him) and pretty much ignores everything my SO says to him to stare at SO's face and complain that SO shaved off his beard (usually it's just a goatee). Look, kid, you arent two years old. You have seen the man many times without facial hair just not within last 4 1/2 years. Quit acting like it's such a big deal.

Sit through another losing game although this time there was more effort. Other team much better though. As soon as game ended, of course, everyone on their feet to start leaving. I head towards door, SO trailing behind. I tell him over my shoulder I will meet him outside. He says something about saying goodbye to SS and SD15. I say fine and leave to wait out by entrance in the school cafeteria (we're in Chicago suburbs so no freaking way am I waiting outside in our heat wave weather of -5 degrees lol!)

My intention was to avoid all contact with BM and her entourage. Unfortunately for me that didnt happen. SS apparently took forever to get his crap so SO was stuck standing there w BM and group. She was snarky and sarcastic and it doesnt come off as funny just bitchy so finally SO had enough and left. SD19 and Blues Traveler came out in front of him. I made zero attempt at greeting or acknowledgement although I did make eye contact w Blues Traveler. Hope he has a tissue in case he drools. SO then came shortly after and needed bathroom break. Terrific.

As I am waiting, BM, SS and SD15 come along. Doofus had already wheeled himself out right after first game because he works 2nd shift. Now, I cant be sure they didnt see me but at same time, I have a bright red long winter coat. Owned it for like 10 years and the SK's know it. It looked like they looked right at me and basically through me even though I smiled and tried to wave. BM of course never makes eye contact because she's a coward and wont face me without backup. They leave and SO comes out, we leave. DS15 has to come to our SUV however to get her winter gear which somehow was left at my place and to give her dad his suitcase back that was borrowed for trip. No real acknowledgement of me or goodbye said.

You know, this disengagement thing works and it doesnt. I feel that lately the two younger SKs have changed - more and more acting like brats like BM. I am a little tired of feeling like a fifth wheel which didnt used to happen. I think SD15 esp is old enough to assert herself and say hey, Mom, I know you and Tourettes dont like each other but I like her a lot and I'm gonna go say hi. This is like the second time SO and I have shown up to a basketball game and been relatively ignored unless we approach SD. I was relatively close with these kids while Mommy was having her midlife crisis and paying more attention to Doofus than them. Now suddenly I'm just a convenience. Now I'm pissed. Interestingly, my 3 biokids are seeing stuff too and my 2 older ones (BS16 and BD13) are starting to get rather annoyed with it as well.

Disengagement hurts me from the perspective that I dont want to hurt or alienate the 2 younger SKs but know what? They have precious BM to worship. They dont need me. Do I sound bitter? Yeah, a little bit. Just feeling a bit used. Convenient when BM isnt around or being a bitch but otherwise I should just stay on sidelines.