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Am i just here to occupy time until his kids are home again?

slkastep's picture

Submitted by slkastep on Fri, 08/06/2021 - 9:08pm

Every weekend that we don't have the kids, my husband becomes a stick in the mud!  When they are home, which is half the time, he is excited and energetic.  He is happy and talks to them with interest and energy.  He is up for anything...runs his daughter around from practice, school, friends.  He stays up until 11 or later.  Then when the weekend comes that we don't have them...he's tired, exhausted, needs to lay down.  We go for dinner and drinks, we have an empty house (finally) annnnddd he is laying in the couch.  No energy.  No special husband and wife time.  He's spent.  This is a common theme.  I've complained about it and he says he isn't doing it on purpose.  It's like he's saving the best of himself for his kids.  When we were dating, he was full of energy and we had a loving, passionate relationship.  We would go out without them and have quality time together.  I'm so disappointed.  It really makes me feel like they are his main priority and I'm just here.  That's it.  Im just occupying space and time...a warm body for him to talk to until the people he really loves come walking back through the door.

 

 

Comments

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Fri, 08/06/2021 - 10:04pm

Sounds like a classic bait and switch story! 

If he is too tired.... leave his ass at home on the couch. Don't waste your life because he is. 

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Sat, 08/07/2021 - 7:18am

When his beloved children either see him as just a walking wallet and/or naturally start pulling away?

PS you are giving me flashbacks!!!!

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Sat, 08/07/2021 - 4:37am

To effectively put your life on hold and show your kids they're the centre of attention. Eventually they grow up and leave you especially in the case of divorced couples where a vengeful greedy hcgubm goes on a pas rampage

ignore your intimate partner or spouse and they leave you and what then?? You think your then adult kids are gonna care about you when they've treated you as an atm??

 

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Sat, 08/07/2021 - 4:59am

It sounds like he's depressed. He can put on a happy face while his kids are there but gets mopey if they aren't.

Maybe you should spend some time apart. Plan a trip without him and see how he is when you return.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Sat, 08/07/2021 - 1:45pm

IM the organizer planner of the family, and DH will go along with what I plan. Pretty much.

So you can do something about this (only if he is on board):

1. Plan outtings for just the two of you. Moderate stuff at first. He sounds like the sterotypical Disney Dad where the kids only see his fun side and are always entertained and everything is for THEM. WELL, put your foot down and plan stuff for you and him ahead of time so he HAS to make space and energy for it.

OR...you can do a hybrid

2. Plan outtings yourself for all of you that you are included in.AND stuff forjust you two.

OR if all else fails...

3. Plan awesome outtings, tell DH about them, and then invite your friends or family. Leave him to languish on the couch if thats all hes got for you. HE might eventually want to be included...