Convinced emotional incest (spousification) ruined my marriage.
I'm in a situation where my husband filed for divorce, I'm living in his house, and I'm not able to move out until there is a court order for spousal support. Throughout my marriage. I always felt like my husband and his daughter were too close. He always put me on the back burner, and she basically acts like his wife when she's here. I know it's not her fault, this is a parenting issue on my husband's part, but I can't help but feel resentful. I was never able to take my place as my husband's significant other/teammate because she was already standing in that spot. And even now I still see the mini wife behavior. What I've noticed is that, although she has a boyfriend now and a very active social life, when she is here, she still expects all of his attention and cannot stand it if we are even speaking to one another. This morning, he came home and I started to talk to him about the dogs. The dogs have been very sick and are on medication. I could not even talk to him because she constantly interrupted. Literally, I was only talking to him for not even two minutes and she interrupted about six times. Of course he didn't correct her, as he never did. It seems to me like he's addicted to her attention, and she does not want me to have it or anybody else. She walks around in her work out pants and sports bras in front of him with her boobs all smashed together. Like I don't understand why she doesn't feel any modesty in front of him. Also the pet names have really gotten out of hand since he filed for divorce...He says to her, "Baby, are you ready to go? Oh that's okay sweetheart, you take your time. Okay, let's go Baby." And him sticking his finger in the pocket of her work out pants and snapping the material and saying, "I really like those pants, they look really good. Want me to buy you some more?" And her, "Dad, do you want me to make you a salad, because I will" over and over. "Dad your haircut looks really good," idk, I just never talked like that with my dad.
I'm just so angry about the fact that he tries to pretend that her behavior in their relationship did not cause problems in our marriage. He would always say I'm crazy and jealous. And I kind of feel guilty about this, but she has been spending less and less time with her father, and I think it's good for him. She's also moving into an apartment next semester so she won't be coming home and spending the summer or the whole Christmas break with him anymore. I had warned him for years that if he kept putting all of his time and energy into only being a parent to her that there would be nothing left for us when the kids went to college, that she would eventually move on with her life. And sure enough, just six weeks after she went to college, he called a lawyer and started the divorce process. I just don't think it's a coincidence. They displayed just about every single sign of spousification and emotional incest during our marriage.I think that he was so emotionally invested in her, that he completely replaced me and let all his feelings for me just dissipate. I have a daughter and a SS, too and neither of them ever acted like that. I'm kinda happy that he's gonna be alone now. I know I shouldn't feel revengeful, but I do. I also think it's hilarious that she wants her boyfriend around all the time now. He can finally see what it feels like to be the third wheel like I have been all of our six years of marriage. Is it really bad that I'm having these thoughts and am enjoying the fact that he's going to be lonely very soon?
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Of course it is not bad that you are having those thoughts!
Of course it is not bad that you are having those thoughts! In your place, I would be having those thoughts and probably some that are a lot worse. A little schadenfreude never hurt anyone! The behavior you are describing is just awful and almost runs up against some physical impropriety. It is so great that you are getting out of this mess. Now that the holidays are over, get on your attorney to get a motion for alimony in place so you can get out of there.
I don’t think anything physical has ever happened.
I really don't. I just think it's these romantic and sexual undertones . Which really is just as bad. My sister thinks he could be like subconsciously attracted to her.
Ugh.
Ugh.
It's absolutely not bad that you are having those thoughts. The behavior you describe is gross.
My Dad would never have touched us and told us we looked good in a particular clothing item. That is totally inappropriate in my book. It sounds like your SD has been lapping it up and giving it back.
But as you say, now that she has a BF, your STBX is going to find himself out in the cold. A lonely old man who failed to set any boundaries whatsoever, and engaged in an emotionally (and maybe more?) incestuous relationship with his daughter.
You're well rid of this one. And I hope you can move out and get your life back on track ASAP.
Best wishes to you.
They both kind of kiss each other’s butts.
She will be like, "I like those pants dad, they look really good." "Dad, did you lose weight?" "Dad, this is the best chicken you've ever made, it's sooooo good." After every meal he makes... "Dad I love you endlessly" which I guess is sweet, but idk. I tell my dad I love him, but I don't go that far. And she is always telling him she will make food for him in front of me. It's just so weird. "Want me to make you something? Cause I WILL, dad, I'll make you something right now"
like what are they trying to prove?
Gross. He did you a favor.
Gross. He did you a favor. Slipping his finger in her workout pants and telling her she looks good in them is barfy. I mean, i'll tell my son he looks nice but it's not when he's wearing revealing clothes (actually he doesn't wear revealing clothes at all.)
Yeah it was weird.
He didn't slip his hand into them, but into her pocket...I guess kind of the same. And then he like pulled them and snapped them. And I would be grossed out if my dad did that to me. It reminds me of what a husband might do if he saw his wife in some tight workout pants, ya know. And then he told her many times how much he liked her pants. And I tell my daughter she looks beautiful like when she's dressed up. And I would tell my stepson he looked nice when he was dressed up, too. But not when he was just wearing normal clothes. Like if I would have snapped my SS pants and been like, "I really like those pants!" He'd probably be like WTF???
He would have thought it was
He would have thought it was creepy and been right! But your SD has been groomed to crave this kind of attention from her father. It's probably the only way she knows how to win his approval.
This man is no prize. He is
This man is no prize. He is doing you a favor by asking for a divorce. You deserve so much better.
You are correct in your thinking
Unfortunately DH is getting sometype of [ sick ] sexual gratification from his DD. Much more then from you, Hope they are happy together in hell. Buy you have to chalk this up to life experience. And make your new plans for your future. By your self now. Just sorry for you to get involved with a sick person. Good luck
Not bad for your feelings
Hes going to find another innocent person to do this to, if he makes good money (sorry he probably "looks good on paper") and will bamboozle this person for a while...this toxic cycle WILL continue. Too bad theres not a "dont marry him" site...Ive heard of "dont date him" sites....on the underground.
No, his Karma bus will certainly come for him when the toxic SD finds a new "daddy", and leaves him behind. But she will ALWAYS be there, the quintisential Daddys Little Girl. Anyone she finds will be the back burner boy. Unless she grows a new personality.
Definitely work through your grieving process, and this will soon be in your rearview mirror.
Hows the divorce proceeding? Did you get your interim spousal support?
You were discussing very
You were discussing very valid concerns about the dogs. It was an important conversation You would have been perfectly justified in telling he that your conversation was important. Don't back down but let her know who's the lady of the house. She is a guest, guests don't get to interfere in the running of the home. She is only a GUEST.
Put them both in the they can F-off box in your brain and stop
Put them both in the they can F-off box in your brain and stop giving a shit about them.
I know that you have to live there until the housing and spousal support questions are answered. But stop investing in them beyond the physical proximity.
No, it isn't bad at all that you are relishing in him starting to win the stupid prizes for his stupid games. He will won many more stupid prizes. Let him.
Really, stop giving them a first thought, much less a second.
Get on with living your best life. Start working out at a gym, start socializing, join an Incest-anon survivor's group where others who have had to deal with incestuous partners work thought it all together. There are different groups that use 12-Step programs for recovery.
Here is some reading on the topic.
https://www.burmanu.ca/sites/default/files/Faculty%20Profile%20Informati...