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I got married for this?

sm2bd's picture

Submitted by sm2bd on Wed, 12/08/2010 - 8:38am

I am at the end of my rope. I'm ready to throw the towel in. I can't believe that I left a comfortable home, my sons (19 and 22), peace and quiet, contentment that I raised my kids and now is my adult time, to a home that is not mine, where I am treated like the girlfriend that is spending the night, to whining and complaining in the mornings (from SD12), my rights and opinions are at the bottom of the pile, I'm expected to pick up, wash, fold, and to keep quiet about the intrusions on my time, my peace, my plans, my comfort, my things, for BM and SD12.

Last night at 7:30 SD12 came and said she needed clothes washed. WTF? I washed all the clothes she had at our house on Sunday! Well, apparently BM sent dirty clothes back to our house instead of getting off her fat, drunk ass and washing them! I was pissed. Of course, DH disappears at that point and goes to escape on facebook! I told him he needs to tell BM not to send dirty clothes to back to our house. He just ignores me. See, I'm supposed to just sit back and put up with it because I just live there, apparently. I've done that too long!!! So I went in there and said "so I guess your going to defend her (BM) again!" (Because he always has excuses for her. ) He said "I just wish you'd let it go."

I will not let go of the fact that whenever BM snaps, he jumps! I'm not gonna let go of when SD12 snaps he jumps! When I snap, it is ignored!

I'm sick of getting ready for work in the morning and having to step over her nasty underwear and dirty clothes laying on the bathroom floor. I have told him 100 times to have her pick them up. She doesn't do shit around there but make a mess. It doesn't matter how many times I say something.

This morning he goes in to wake her up for school as usual. after 5 minutes of coddling her trying to get her up she snaps at him "LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME SLEEP!!!!" Now, I don't want to hear that shit in the morning when I am trying to get my mind ready for the day! Of course, he just walks out of her room.

Then he finally gets her up, still coddling her, and gets her water ready for her shower. He goes outside for something and she comes out "where's my daddy?" I said, "outside." and she whines, "Ohhhhh, now i don't have time for any coffee." I just kept doing what I was doing.

I have no say on anything there. I am just supposed to go with the flow. And pick up, wash, clean, wash dishes, cook, pick up her wrappers that she leaves on the floor, pick up her shit that she leaves out, etc. Oh, and give him sex and affection when it's convenient for him. I love him dearly, but I am not going to sit back and have no say on my life anymore!

He knows something is wrong, that I am not happy, but instead of talking about it, or trying to consider my feelings, he avoids it.

I'm fed up.

Comments

SillyGilly's picture

Submitted by SillyGilly on Wed, 12/08/2010 - 9:36am

I think you should have a chat with DH and tell him things or going to change with SD or things are going to change between the two of you!! At twelve years old she is capable of doing her own laundry. Not to defend her, but BM likely won't change her bad habits - she probably doens't care if SD has to wear dirty clothes - so just teach SD how to do her own laundry. Sounds like SD needs some rules around the house. If you present it as you need to give SD chores so she can learn to take care of herself for when she is an adult maybe your DH will see it as productive rather than "you picking on her" as SO MANY DH's do!! Good luck!

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Wed, 12/08/2010 - 10:04am

Sounds like the first year of my marriage. I hate to tell you this but, for me it didn't get any better until I laid it all out screaming at DH one day. I was done. His daughter was a brat and I was tired of dealing with her. He woke up and realized he was about to have a 2nd divorce. I told him I called a lawyer about an annulment. He started enforcing rules and actually hearing the disrespect I was getting. For us it was too late for SD. She didn't like the rules and now lives with BM. Long story. But, my house is happier now. Still deal with BM and her crap for SS12 but at least SD14 is out of the house. SS12 has learned to pick up after himself. Brushing his hair is still an issue, but at least he showers every day and puts his clothes in the hamper. DH had to lay it all out and he got on him every time. It was tense for awhile but, now the expectations are there and it works. As for SD, I hope she stays at BM through HS. I do not want to live like that again.

Be firm and be prepared to leave if it doesn't get better. I still am prepared to walk out the door if need be. I will not sacrifice my happiness anymore. No man is worth that.

sm2bd's picture

Submitted by sm2bd on Wed, 12/08/2010 - 10:24am

Just got an email from my DH. He said I need help. I need to talk to someone. HA! He said he doesn't think we will make it. But he hopes we can. Nope. We can't. Not as long as his head is in the sand and he can't see what the real problem is. And it's not me!

skylarksms's picture

Submitted by skylarksms on Wed, 12/08/2010 - 10:32am

Will he go to a counselor with you? My H said I was the problem too. Well, that's not how the counselor saw it. }:)

Doodle's picture

Submitted by Doodle on Wed, 12/08/2010 - 10:41am

Definitely get him to go with you, it's amazing how much stake they'll put into the counselor's word over yours. It's sad, but it works.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Submitted by Butterflykisses... on Wed, 12/08/2010 - 10:40am

Yes, they try to pull the century old tactic of " Reverse Psychology" on you.

on the fence's picture

Submitted by on the fence on Wed, 12/08/2010 - 12:41pm

Time for DH to step up. Maybe try teaching her to use your washing machine and then leave it to the two of them, but stop washing her clothes. DH will have to deal with it then and you will have done the right thing. At that age mine were washing their own clothes. If they have nothing clean to wear, they did that to themselves.

My youngest DS was pretty bad about that for a bit, but he learned and now that he's a bit older and has discovered girls, he even cleans his room! There were a couple of times when he was younger that I'd give him a deadline to get that room clean or I'd clean it for him. That meant that twice he had his stuff eliminated! And this was my own DS. Why should you put up with behavior from skids that you would not tolerate from your own?

try to teach, then let it go.

pistol1993's picture

Submitted by pistol1993 on Sat, 12/11/2010 - 7:02pm

HEY ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE NOT ME THIS SOUNDS LIKE THE SAME SHIT I HAVE GONE THOUGH BUT THE DIFFENCE IS MY HUSBAND LEFT ME A MONTH AGO FOR HIS KIDS WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 12 YEARS HE HAS FOUR KIDS AND I HAVE TWO MINE ARE 40 YEARS OLD AND MY BABY IS 33 YEARS, HIS IS 34 YEARS,30 YEARS OLD SON, 25 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND A 23 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER OH YEA THE 34 YEARS OLD IS A GIRL TOO. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED 12 YEARS AND OUT OF THE 12 YEARS WE HAVE BEEN BY OURSELF TWO YEARS. WE HAVE HIS KIDS ONE AT A TIME BUT THETY HAVE BEEN HERE. WHEN WE WERE DATING HIS X WIFE LEFT THE KIDS SHE WAS ON CRACK, THEN SHE WENT TO PRISON SO HE TOLD ME NOT TO MAKLE HIM CHOICE BETWEEN ME OR HIS KIDS BAECAUSE HE WOULD CHOICE HIS KIDS I SHOULD OF WALKED AWAY THEN MY KIDS WERE GROWN AND I JUST GOT OUT OF A 22 YEARS VIOLENCE MARRIAGE. WELL DUMBASS ME I WENT WITH HIM AND GOT HIS KIDS AND THEY MOVED IN THE HOUSE I JUST BOUGHT. WELL THE OLDEST ONE WHEN TO LIVE WITH HER AUNT SO I KEPT THE 11 YEARS OLD MAN I HAD BOYS AND I HAD FIVE BROTHERS HAD NO IDEA WHAT GIRLS WERE ABOUT. SHE WOULDN'T LET ME TOUCH HER DAD AND HE LET HER SLEEP WITH US. SHE GAVE ME HELL FOR 6 YEARS THE LAST STRAW WAS WHEN SHE HAD A PARTY IN MY HOUSE WHEN WE WERE GONE TO SEE HIS GRANDKIDS SHE HAD DRUGS HERE KIDS IN ALL BEDS IN MY HOUSE ALL NAKED AND BEER BOTTLES AND DRUGS EVERYWHERE.I CALLED HERE MOTHER AND TOLD HER TO COME AND GET HER ASS SHE WAS OUT OF MY HOUSE. NOW GET THIS MY HUSBAND TELLS ME IF SHE GOES HE WOULD GO TOO I TOLD HIM WHILE HE IS PACKING HER SHIT I WOULD BE PACKING HIS SHIT I HAD IT. WELL LAST YEAR HIS SON 30 YEARS OLD WAS ON CRACK AND HE CAME TO OUR HOUSE WE HAD THE GRANDKIDS AND HE WAS NOT SUPPOSE TO SEE THEM HE GOT ONE IN THE CAR AND I WAS HOLDING ON THE OLDEST ONE SO HE WOULDN'T GET HIM SO HE STARTED HITTING ME HE PUSHED ME AND HE GOT THE KID I HAD HIM ARRESTED FOR DV. MY HUSBAND WENT AND GOT HIM OUT OF JAIL AND HE HAD THE NERVE TO ASK ME DID HE REALLY HURT YOU. I WAS SO HURT. THEN SIX MONTHS AGO HIS 34 YEARS DAUGHTER MOVED IN TO GO TO SCHOOL TO CUT HAIR WENT FOR 4 MONTHS QUIT WAS GOING TO START ANOTHER ONE IN JAN WELL THAT WENT TO SHIT TOO. SO SHE JUST GOT A FULLTIME JOB BOUGHT HER DOG WITH HER GUESS WHO TOOK CARE OF THE DOG. DIDN'T GIVE US A DIME SHE WOULD LEAVE HER SHIT EVERYWHERE JUST LIKE A KID I WOULD BE MISSING MY GLASSES AND HERE SHE COMES IN WITH TEN OF THEM AND PUTS THEM IN THE SINK GUESS WHO WAS GOING TO PUT THEM IN THE DISHWASHER HELL ME AND EVERYTIME I SAID ANYTHING ABOUT IT MY HUSBAND WOULD GET SO MAD AT ME HE WOULD SET HIS PHONE TO WAKE HER UP SO HE COULD GET HER UP IN THE MORNING TO GO TO WORK. 34 YEARS OLD AND SHE CAN'T GET UP FOR WORK BY HERSELF. WELL HE LEFT A MONTH AGO SHE WAS GOING TO WHIP MY ASS BEFORE THEY LEFT NOW I AM 61 YEARS AND SHE IS 34 BELIEVE ME I WAS SO MAD SHE WOULD OF HAD A HARD TIME TO WHIP MY ASS. NOW HE CALLS WANTS TO COME OVER HER NOT TO TALK ABOUT OUR MARRIAGE BUT TO HAVE SEX I HAVE DONE IT TWICE BUT I AM NOT GOING TO BE USED FOR THAT EITHER WELL THAT IS MY LIFE IT SUCKS DOESN'T IT