That shut him up
Ok, my H and I have been tossing around divorcing, although we haven't said the D word, recently. It all started when I told him I wanted us to have a schedule of when we would have SD12. (1. so we don't have to be on hold for when BM wants to dump the kid on us.) 2. So we can make plans for things 3. So we can have a say on when she will come and are not at the mercy of BM. ) Well, apparently that was way too much to ask and it has just caused a real stink. How dare I? So anyway, we have been going back and forth about whether we wanted to work it out. He said he has done everything he can to make me happy and there is nothing else he can do. I told him he he is clueless. I sent him an email and boy, do I feel better. Of course, he hasn't replied back so I guess it shut his ass up!
One other thing is money. He has his money and I have mine. We make about the same, but he is such a penny pincher he has quite a bit saved. We live in his house, but I have a house I am paying a mortgage on so it takes just about all I make to pay my bills and buy half the groceries, etc. And my house needs a lot of work on it, and I was hoping we could fix it up and sell it and buy a house or land together with the proceeds. NOT NOW!!!! He won't lift a hand or a penny to help me with the house!!! Also, I am having problems with my shoulder and had to go to an Orthodepdic doctor. Although I have health insurance through my job, it is still going to cost a bunch of money to get the physical therapy the doctor prescribed. I am in constant pain. I just don't have the money. Has my husband offered to help pay it???? Hell no!!!!!
Anyway, so here is the email:
I just got off the phone with you. So I don't really have much to add. I love you. I would disagree that you have done everything to try and make me happy. It's not even about that. I guess you just don't have a clue.
So, I give up. I'm done. So this is how it will be, since my opinion, or whatever you want to call it doesn't matter, or is so damn unresonable:
1. I don't care when B comes, or how often, and I don't even want to know when. I will go about making my own plans and do my own thing.
2. All I will be concerned with is my little corner of the world, i.e. my little portiion of the bedroom. If B leaves something in there I will throw it away. As for the rest of the house, you can let her leave her wrappers, coke cans, coffee cups, dirty dishes or what have you, laying around. I won't bitch about it or say a word. Since it is obviously unreasonable for me to expect her to pick up after herself. If you all want to live nasty, then you got it.
3. I will wash my clothes, my dishes, etc. I will clean up after MYself. If I don't have any kind of say in anything else in the house, then why should I do anything else.
4. What's mine is mine, what's yours is yours. You worry about your stuff and I'll worry about mine.
I'm sure there is more but I have worked myself into a tizzy right now and can't think.
I hope this doesn't make you mad, cause it's obviously what you wanted. You guys got your way. I just live there.
I hate it has to be like this, on these terms and it's certainly not what I would call "marriage" but I'm done fighting, arguing, etc, etc,
I love you.
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Comments
OOOOh i have felt that
OOOOh i have felt that before! Sometimes writing is better than talking. Maybe he will get it.
OMG!! I heard back from him.
OMG!! I heard back from him. He is making a big joke about it!! He actually is acting relieved!!!! Not the reaction I wanted!!!
All I can do now is wait for my youngest son to go to bootcamp hopefully in the next couple of months and then move back into my house and leave my husband and his brat!
PS) My husband first email back to me was asking me if he could still "hit that" !!!!
Wow..I guess he didn't take
Wow..I guess he didn't take you seriously. I guess the next time the SKID comes just stick to your plan and see how things change. A week or two of a messy house may get him to come around.
Hit that? You've got to be
Hit that? You've got to be kidding me. Sorry, but if that's his response, I would move now. Why wait for boot camp?
Oh my god if I had somewhere
Oh my god if I had somewhere to go - I would LEAVE and never come back
I have done this before; mine
I have done this before; mine never got it - he is an As*. Hopefully yours will. I have been with my DH for almost 12 years and it keeps getting worse. If my DH decides to attempt something - it will be for about 2 minutes and then he wants a cookie!!
It makes me sad because after I write a letter like this and read it - I GET IT; I understand my point and feel good. But he just shrugs it off.
Good luck to you and I hope you get through to him.
I feel for you... we too have
I feel for you... we too have no scheduled visitation and it drives me nuts... just whenever skids call (and I have 2 BM's thus two households) and want to come over, or BM needs a babysitter, we have to drop everything. When I brought it up to my DH he too said I was being ridiculous.. what's the big deal?, it's their house too and every other stupid predictable line.
I have also had it with my skids 11.5 and 12.5 and their lazy, slobbiness. I absolutely REFUSE to pick up anything that they have left around, I WON'T do their dishes (sometimes I will AFTER they leave, so they don't know that I did them and thus think of me as their maid) I WON'T get meals for them, and I do do their laundry, because it's minimal and I'm doing it anyway for DH, BS1 and me so it's not THAT big of deal BUT I don't fold it neatly and put it in their drawers because all they do is paw through and leave everything in a ball anyway, so I just jam it in there... if they don't want wrinkled clothes then I guess they'll think twice before they ransack their drawers.
at any rate, sorry you're going through this, hope you can work it out.. sucks that a marraige might have to end because of skid nonsense
I understand the frustration.
I understand the frustration. But, he didn't take you seriously. Hell no would I be giving him anything he wants. I would be exploring ways to move on. You need to contact a lawyer and see what your entitled to. He is clueless...
I am not entitled to
I am not entitled to anything. We have only been married for 3 1/2 months! We don't have anything together; no bank account, house, etc. (his choice). We live in a house his mother owns that he rents for really cheap. Besides, I wouldn't want anything. Just my peace and quiet and my sanity back. I love him dearly, but I guess I am old school. I believe that the wife comes first, marriage is a partnership, you work together, etc.
Everyone says "well, you knew what you were getting into." No, I didn't. He wanted to protect his daughters feelings, so we didn't spend alot of time together me and her before we got married. I guess that should have been a red flag. I was blind I guess. We dated for 2 years before we got married, so I figured that was a good solid foundation. Another red flag should have been when he wouldn't take me on a honeymoon because he needed to be there for his daughter. WTH????
Your situation sounds similar
Your situation sounds similar to mine in that you are the primary caretaker of a home with a sloppy SD12 who visits and you are having "money issues" with an H who seems to exercise very little authority as a parent, but where mine differs is that I am the primary breadwinner, the homeowner, and the penny pincher and saver while my H owns nothing and contributes to nothing I own and I can tell you that it probably feels WORSE to put up with all of the crap when you feel like you are subsidizing it, which is why I am already at the point of wanting out - only my H refuses to accept this and let me go!
Funny thing is, I had been thinking about writing a letter/email to H to fully express why I wanted out, but I had decided against it just because I thought that seemed so cold. Now after telling him 3 times over the past few weeks and him still not getting it I guess I have to reconsider the letter/email.
Good luck to you in your situation!
PS - "Can I still hit that?" Lol. Well at least I know this question won't come up with my H since he already hasn't "hit that" in months! Lol!
No scheduled visitation? You
No scheduled visitation? You have to be kidding me. Are you held hostage?
Can you plan anything….?? That is crazy.
Recently Bm decided we could not have the skids. Bf said fine and we went out of town. The next time it was his Scheduled visitation time he called for two days
to see if he would get them. She never returned the calls. BF called her told her she had an hour to respond if she did not we would make other plans, and not keep the kids…
Guess what 10 minutes later she called.
We are taking back our time. If she doesn’t respond, we give her a time frame if that time passes even 1
minute we will not take the kids. We want them but we will not let this piece of crap BM hold our lives
hostage. We told the kids what their mom was doing they said they heard her tell her new husband she just wanted to hurt my BF. What a witch.
My Bf has drawn a line in the sand. If she wants war…she’s got it.
Oh, not our BM. She ALWAYS
Oh, not our BM. She ALWAYS wants us to keep SD!! And my husband always gives in. I hate it! But I guess the BM is a bigger bitch than I am cause when I pitch a fit about it, he acts like I am the bitch but he always gives in to her!
I think that's why he was relieved by my email. Now he doesn't have to hear me bitch about the spoiled brat being there. And he is giving in to BM so he doesn't have to hear her bitch cause he won't let SD stay with us. So again, she wins, he wins, I lose.
I agree that I'd move back to
I agree that I'd move back to MY house and let him deal with the spawn, etc all by his little lonesome. As far as 'hitting that'. Tell him to find a knothole in a tree somewhere.
A relationship should always come before a child (except for food, shelter, medical needs and guidance are concerned - anything else given to a child is a 'gift').
Raise your hand if you wish you could knock the crap out of any person who says, "well, you knew what you were getting into." Yep, I was born into this world. Dang, I guess I should have known what I was getting into and backed right on up and told Mom I refused to come out. }:)
I second this.
I second this.
i'm so sorry your husband
:jawdrop: i'm so sorry
your husband sounds like the 2 step dad's i had growing up
((((((((((hugs to you)))))))))
Yes, I am sorry too. I would
Yes, I am sorry too. I would just go back to my place for a few days. See how he handles it. If he doesn't want you involved then he needs to see what life would be like. Just give yourself some time away.
It's really such a
It's really such a shame....we have always gotten along so wonderfully, always had so much fun together, so much in common, etc. It's truly a shame that a 12 year old spoiled brat and an ex (that he was never even married to or ever loved that got pregnant so she could keep a man) can ruin what we have. And H is letting them.
Wow, you live in hell. What
Wow, you live in hell. What kind of weird love is it that he won't help you with your shoulder or your house?
ALL OF DHs money is our money. ALL OF MY MONEY is our money. We don't penny pinch each other and he has money but lets you suffer. I don't think it is too much to ask to have a regular schedule with the skid because it lets you know what to expect.
DH is being an asshole on all this. I wouldn't blame you if you went back to your house, but if you stay, make some new rules. What's his is YOURS too and he can frikin share it and help you with your shoulder!! Otherwise, what is the point of the marriage??
^^^^LOVE THIS!!!!^^^^
^^^^LOVE THIS!!!!^^^^