Shark week blues
I've never had a regular period, until both SDs moved in with me. Something about their hormones regulating my hormones, I guess.
Anyway, that means when I was a teenager, I didn't go through the pain and emotions on a regular basis. Twice a year, I'd suffer a little, and then it was over for another six months.
All of the sudden, I am dealing with the hormones and the pain - but the pain is in my ass and is called SD14! She's spent two days crying over everything
- her oldest sister skyped with her one night and SD12 the next, why can't oldest sister skype with her every night (said while sobbing!
- Daddy didn't hear her say "I love you" and answer back (wrong! Daddy heard her, and was in a bad service area, so SHE didn't hear HIM
- I am on the computer too often. She misses family time
- it takes too long for her Kindle to power up in the morning
- I got the date wrong for her doctor's appointment (I had it on the calender twice) and she really doesn't want to go to school that day
- She had to do ALL of her homework for Science
- It was her turn to skype with Oldest Sister again
OMG! Is this normal? Do they grow out of this, eventually? Will it happen soon?
Around this time last month, SD14 was suicidal. I'm starting to feel a little bit desperate! 
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Fire_Inside, you are not the
Fire_Inside, you are not the first person who has suggested I send her to her room! The truth is, I am very strict (I never thought I would be, but I am!!) and sending her to her room would be a punishment, not a chance to go somewhere peaceful and reflect on herself. In her room, she isn't allowed to use her phone, Kindle, or the laptop. Their Tv is broke, and there isn't even a way to play music in there!
The two girls avoid their room like the plague! They'd really rather be in the bathroom (at least there is a Tv in there!) LOL
Yes, this CAN be normal, but
Yes, this CAN be normal, but it's also an opportunity to teach the lesson of "choosing" your mood. (Not that I think a stepparent is the best teacher when it comes to skids - it can be a losing battle!) Unfortunately, most people never learn this lesson.
If you really think she is feeling suicidal, in all seriousness you should seek help for her. Start with the school. You don't have to get involved, but if you don't pass that on to a school counselor or someone who she could speak to, and she does take her life, you'll have to live with that regret. Teen girls are notoriously difficult to read, you can never tell if they're truly suicidal or seeking attention - so I say handed over to the pros.
Sparklelady, I've never heard
Sparklelady, I've never heard of "choosing your mood".. How do you do this?
I do try to teach SDs about "music therapy", though. The thought process behind that is that they listen to music, starting sad or angry, if they must, then slowly change it to more upbeat music. Eventually, the music helps them get into a better mood!
SD14 WAS suicidal last month.. She sent me a text from school, and scared the life out of me! I called the school, and had her pulled from class, and then found a ride to get her. When we got home, I called the crisis intervention team, and they came to my home, where they spoke with us, and evaluated SD14. They decided that she was good to stay home, but advised me to keep an eye on her.
SD14 enjoyed the drama - she couldn't wait to tell people, and was hoping that she would be hospitalized so that my family would go visit her in the hospital. When Sd12 got home, SD14 couldn't wait to tell her all about the excitement.
Later that night, I went to the bathroom (door open) and left SD14 and Sd12 in the kitchen. Sd14 picked up a butcher knife, and held it to her face, scaring SD12. We removed all of the knifes and medication from the main part of the house.
SD14 liked the reaction she got from me, and spent the next two weeks, torturing me, telling me that EVERYTHING made her suicidal. Dog had puppies? She was suicidal! Didn't want to do homework? She was suicidal! Wanted to talk to me, while I was making dinner? She was suicidal!!!
SD14, myself, and her therapist sat down for a long talk! The therapist and I both explained what going to the hospital would be like. Guess what? She hasn't been suicidal since!!
I take both of my SD's "cries for attention" very seriously. If they are really thinking about suicide, then I need to be aware and protect them. If it is a cry for attention, after all of the abuse and things that they've been through, I want them to have that attention!
Last June, I didn't feel the same way. SD12 wound up in the hospital, and it about broke me. Things are VERY different now!
Your music therapy is along
Your music therapy is along the same lines. Here's a link to something to get you started, but honestly I'd say your SD might need a little more emotional growth too!
http://teenshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/choose-mood.html
Sounds like she's fairly emotionally immature, and that she's using it against you. I'm glad you have a therapist to see. I'd also suggest you check out borderline personality disorder and teens - not because she's BPD, but because the tools are great for dealing with moodiness and irrational behaviours. There are some truly great skills to be learned and the research specific to teens is very helpful. (Plus the skills you learn are useful in everyday life!)
If I didn't know better I'd
If I didn't know better I'd think that BS4 was PMSing....this stuff sounds like periodic whiny 4 year old stuff I hear in my house??? So either my 4 year old is hormonal or your 14 year old is acting a bit like a toddler?
DaizyDuke, SD14 acts VERY
DaizyDuke, SD14 acts VERY MUCH like a toddler.. when I offer to buy them a special treat in the store, SD14 wants a "bottle pop" (one of those candies that looks like a baby bottle) or a sippy cup! I think the period hormones are making it worse, though! Shoot me now!
This reminds me of those
This reminds me of those articles with the pictures of why my toddler is crying... hmm
fakemommy, I agree! LOL
fakemommy, I agree! LOL
Crying about everything is an
Crying about everything is an improvement over suicidal!! Go SD14 Go!
I read this and remembered my own HORRIBLE teenage years/PMS. I suffered horrible cramps from the time I got my period until into my 30s. The emotional drama was during high school. My home life was full of angry people who yelled and said mean things to each other, so when my emotions got strong that's what I did too. And my emotions got strong during high school for lots of reasons.
1. Hormones
2. Lack of sleep
3. Lack of good sleep-eat-activity rhythm. This is the age that kids are so much more independent, but they don't actually KNOW what's good for them yet.
4. Hormones
5. Stressful home life
6. Felt excluded at school
Smellissa I know you have a great routine and home life for your SDs, but they weren't always in a good environment. Now that the hormones and other challenges are having a big effect, you can look into teaching your girls how to manage their feelings.
For me, that took a long time but I had no idea what I was doing. Now, I go through the checklist of my 'animal' needs: Am I thirsty? Water. Am I hungry? Small snack. Am I tired? Nap or at least rest for 20-30 minutes (if possible, if not, then a promise to do so asap!). Am I in pain? Nap or rest, stretch or yoga, go for a walk - depending on my energy at the time.
Then I go through my 'human' needs: Do I feel like I belong? If not, what will make me feel better? How can I ask for help with that? Etc. For me feeling unwanted is a huge trigger.
It's not easy to do this, but it does get to be more of a habit. That saves the extremes. I'd practice on small things (if there are small things for SD14 lol!)
And also, feelings are ok. It's how we think about our feelings that gets us to take action that we later find isn't so useful. It's ok to sit around feeling uncomfortable, sad, angry, whatever... these feelings give us information. Anger is often about feeling powerless, for example. But problems get created when people can't handle sitting with their feelings. It's part of learning to accept ourselves.
Moeilijk, thank you for all
Moeilijk, thank you for all of the great information.. I think I need to have a talk with SD14 about managing her feelings!