I just blogged about this yesterday. I've been sm to ss15 since he was 2. In those 13 years my dh has done a total turnaround. He went from never holding this kid accountable, not addressing what I felt were severe mental health problems, and never having any expectations of him to well, essentially ss is no longer in our lives. Dh also blamed ME when ss first started having big behavioral issues-he was about 5 when they became serious-signs were there when I met him at 2-but became alot worse by 5 and continued to worsen over the years. My ss responded by putting a target on my head and my dh could just not wrap his head around the idea that ss would dislike me for no reason. He felt I must have done something. He really believed this and would spend hours trying to figure it out. Oh, he'd try and give me the benefit of the doubt, such as perhaps I did something without realizing it, but he felt that there must be some sort of logical explanation (me) for his child having no soul.

We went from this to today having no contact with the kid. The kid has done some truly despicable harmful things to me and my kids and my dh finally realized last year sometime that the kid was just not salvageable. Instead of our marraige and other 3 kids going down with ss, dh sent him elsewhere to live.

It was a LONG process to get here and I really had to take some proactive measures to get my point across. I stopped doing things like going out to eat with dh and ss. I didnt want to watch that sickening display of interaction between the two of them so I just didnt go. I disengaged from ss-and when he was here I'd make dh parent him-which he frankly did a pisspoor job so ultimately ss would act up and then dh would have to deal with THAT fallout. I started going out of town with the other kids when skid was here visiting. When ss lived with us for 4 months last year-I'd encourage my kids to go to friends or to hole up with me downstairs and then we'd lock ourselves down there away from ss-on the weekends I'd take my kids and we'd go see movies and such leaving dh and ss home alone. Last year, when dh kinda disengaged from life in general-I just did what I wanted. If ss left his urinated on clothes in my living room, I put on the rubber gloves and threw them in the trash. SS not listening and lounging on my sofa all day? Well, ok I will just put a code on the tv so he cant watch it at all. SS need a ride to school today for his field trip? Oops since you want to be an asshole I guess you are not getting a ride.

I finally got to the point almost exactly one year ago in which I felt ready to lose my marriage if I had to as ss was destroying the rest of us. I went to dh and told him ss had to go. He was gone the next day. I also just said no to any visits in our household. No family outings with ss. If dh felt that he wanted to visit ss on his own then that was fine. They have not had a "visit" since July of last year. SS refuses to speak to dh and has told dh he is "done" with him. SS was thrilled to leave the home though-he hated it here, hated our rules, hated me-hated my kids whom he'd known his whole life basically. so he wasnt "done" with dh because he had to move out-just like hes not done with his bm who kicked him out 2 years ago and whom he still thinks is the neatest thing since sliced bread-instead he's done with dh because dh took a stand and told ss that since he cant follow even simple basic rules of our household and that his actionos were causing others emotional harm that he had to go elsewhere and live.