BM hugged DH....I'm not sure how to react to that

DH and BM had mediation today because she insisted on the ssons going to private school and won't discuss the possibility of public school. DH's lawyer filed a motion and mediation was today. DH called me after it to tell me that the mediation lasted only 15 minutes because BM apparently "thought about it" and decided that DH was right and public school was the way to go.
DH was super happy that mediation went well which saves us $$$ in court and lawyer fees. But after the mediation, BM told DH that her friend had died and she was sad about it that's why she was mean to him (excuses she has been a bitch to him since 3 months into their "relationship" when she got pregnant w/ ss5). Anyways, BM told DH that starting in june, she will pay him the almost $4,000 she owes him. And get this, she said she now realizes that I'm a good person and good the kids and she wants to have a relationship with me. She asked DH to tell me that next time she drops off the boys she would like to come in and say hello (BM is not allowed in our house because of her constant attack on me and her abusing behavior toward DH). She was out there "chatting" with DH for 45 minutes! And at the end, she told him she hasn't given him a hug in 3 years and asked him for a hug.

Obviously I didn't go to the mediation cause it's not my place but when DH was telling me what happen I can't believe it. BM, the person who filed numerous false reports of domestic violence against DH, the person who in 2011 came in DH's home, refused to leave and then called the police from his livingroom telling them she's afraid of him! The same one who costs him (and now us) tens of thousands of dollars a year in lawyer fees, he almost filed bankruptcy because of all the countless bullshit she pulls up. Now she's saying she changed. She told DH that she's happy for him and congratulated him on our marriage and the home we bought a few months ago.
DH apparently ate it right up. He believes that she genuinely changed and that things will be honky dory from now on. I for one don't believe that for a second. I'm usually optimistic and believe in people but this woman pulls those crap up all the time. She push and push and pull up shits and won't communicate or co-parent, tells DH to take her to court but then once court come around, she would change her mind, behave well, DH believes it, cancels the court date and boom two months later the same issues come up again.

I normally don't care if DH hugs people, I'm a hugger and I hug everyone but my goodness it really bothered me that he gave her a hug! He said she asked for it and she's remorseful for he past behavior blah, blah, blah....I on the other hand want to vomit! I don't even want him to touch me when he gets home tonight. I want to hose him down with Clorox disinfectant before he gets into the house! -I know it sounds mean but hey, that's the truth!

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Tell your DH to

Tell your DH to run!!!!!!!!!!!!! BM is trying to get out of either paying him the $4000 or trying to get private school back in motion. Our BM did the exact same thing with DH to the point where she told him she loved him still, he was a good dad and if it wasn't for him she wouldn't have made it through law school. The 2 weeks later CRAZY BITCH came out again. Hasn't stopped since.

It's a joke and your DH needs to wake up and not be so blind. No touchy feely stuff either. They aren't together for a reason.

I know she wants something

I know she wants something and you're right it's probably for him to forgive the money she owes him. She already played this hand a couple of years ago when she told him she found Jesus and is a born again Christian, she told him all her problems, stroked his ego telling him what an awesome father and provider he was etc..., at the time she owed me $1800. He stupidly put it in writing that he forgave the money and she never has to pay it back. Not even 3 months went by before she was cursing at him, telling him that he's a horrible dad, made all sorts of accusations. It's a never ending thing with her. I don't know why he is believing that this time is different.

i would feel the same if dh

i would feel the same if dh hugged any other woman that he had "made love to" (i almost said the F word!). just because she's the kids' bm does not give her special privileges with your husband. dh needs to know that even if she does a total 180 degrees, he is never to touch her again. he also needs to know that she fooled him in the past and it sounds as if he's still under her spell. he may fall hook, line and sinker, but you never will and he best watch all the touchy feelies going on with her. and another thing...spending 45 minutes minutes chatting to his ex is unappropriate. if she's changed so much and they feel so affectionate to each other, maybe you should make yourself scarce and allow them to resume being a family.

LOL... I was wondering if she

LOL... I was wondering if she was pregnant !

I really try to remain

I really try to remain rational but it would freak me out if BM kissed or hugged DH. I told him a long time ago that I find it highly inappropriate and offensive when he allows it to happen, because she has been so dreadful. She is coming to DH's brothers funeral this week, chances seem high that she will try something. What a nightmare.

I'm trying to remain rational

I'm trying to remain rational too and not make it seem like I own DH. if BM was a decent human being or if we had a civil relationship I wouldn't be bothered by it so much but the simple fact that she's been so awful to me and DH over the past few years!
Thing is when he told me about the hug, I didn't comment on it because I wanted to think before I speak. But he already knows that it's inappropriate because he started with "I know you'll be mad at me for this but I have to tell you everything....".

"If BM ever hugged DH, I

"If BM ever hugged DH, I would be furious. And 99% of my anger would be aimed point blank at DH and some anger starts to simmer just at the THOUGHT of it happening!"

^^Haha, you sound just like me!^^

and I agree with everything else you said as well.

One of the things that truly

One of the things that truly wears me down is always having to be "on guard." I feel like I constantly have to protect my family and my relationship from BM. I feel like we always have to exert energy to keep good boundaries with BM. I hate it. I just want to live my life without always looking over my shoulder in preparation for one of her attacks...

I don't blame you one bit for feeling suspicious of this woman. It sounds really suspicious. I hope that people can change and that perhaps she had a change of heart, but given that history I'd say that's doubtful.

Men can be so gullible. BM should at least prove herself over time before your DH jumps right into being besties with her.

"One of the things that truly

"One of the things that truly wears me down is always having to be "on guard." I feel like I constantly have to protect my family and my relationship from BM"- You said exactly what I'm feeling. I'm so tired of being on my guard and I truly don't want to live that way anymore. We're still paying $750 a month in lawyer fees because of the stunt she pulled a few months ago and then this new one about the school added about $3000 to it. I'm always reminded that she exists and sometimes I just want to relax, let my guard down but seems like I can't. Every week it's another Bull Shit we have to deal with. It is draining!

12 years..... 12 fucking

12 years..... 12 fucking years and I'm still on this exact same roller coaster. Psychopath bi-polar BM can act an ass for a year and then say "sorry" and it's all forgiven and she's the bees knees. A week later and she's back it like a rabid dog.

But I leave the creamer out and I'm a lazy piece of shit.

I am dead serious - If DH

I am dead serious - If DH hugged BM he could leave or else stay and wonder when I was going to go Lorena Bobbitt on him - because I probably would go that route eventually.

DH is always trying to be the "good guy". "let me know if I can help with anything". I could see him trying to give "Perfect Pam" a hug if she was feeling bad. He still loves her but is not in love with her. And he stopped by to see her once.

So he's used up all his get out of jail free cards.