UGH!! that has to suck big time! :sick:

Wow! I know EXACTLY what you mean!!!!!

I don't know about the DH looking at BM part ... he probably sees himself in her.
But otherwise, I know exactly what you mean! SS11 is the spitting image of BM and it is maddening. I am afraid I am harder on him because of it too!

Dh said one of the most insightful things he has ever said to me (and the most shocking part) on this subject. FYI my H is very smart but not the introspective, poetic, emotional talker type (think mechanic, engines, motorcycles, cars, sports...). After we got back from our honeymoon (ss came with us), dh told me completely out of the blue that he loves it when people tell me how cute ss is and i just smile and tell them thank you so much!! But that he realizes that it must hurt a little to be told that his child with another woman is adorable, that he appreciated how well i handled it and that i mean it when i say thank you, etc but that i cant hide from him that it hurts a little. Then he told me that he wanted to have a baby with me : ). It was one of those moments that I was like who are you and what have you done with my husband? LOL... SS is a dead ringer for H... he looks like his tiny little clone, but sometimes i can see an expression on his face that reminds me of BabyMomma, and his eyes are the same color as hers ...I try not to let it bother me.

I have always wondered about this with my ss13 who looks exactly like his father. The BM over the past three years has been "seeking" to protect only him in a really nasty custody battle. She wants little to nothing to do with her oldest, my ss16 who looks nothing like his father. She often does not take her oldest for visitation, calls only to harrass him, calling him names about being in band, living in the country. The BM has admitted in multiple emails to my H over the past 7 years that she regrets the 3 affairs, refusing to be honest with marriage therapy and the divorce.

I feel ya. SD15 looks exactly like her vindictive, manipulative, lying-ass, sociopath mother. Acts just like her too. So deceitful. My SD 12 looks just like DH, but has BM's middle name. blech.

...are you sure we dont have the same fsd7? I kind of laugh when I look at her though - she has the face of her mom...sure - so she looks like a bird. And it's like her face is too "mature" for 7...so she is going to look old when she is like 14? Not a good old either...I am sorry she has the mother she does...find some negatives in it - it will make you feel better

DH's girls look more like him. It's the boys who look a lot like their mom, though.

They are cute kids. -shrug- I guess it's something that hasn't really bothered me. I can see where you guys are coming from though.

Just remember, these daddies think their daughters are beautiful because those are their baby girls. It doesn't mean he's looking at her and pining for BM. There is a reason (often many of them) that marriage ended, and that marks the end of those kind of feelings and that love for BM - love for the children is a different story.

My SD is the spitting image of her mother. I try to keep in mind that it is his child and we all think our children are beautiful but it does make me wonder sometimes. I grew up with my DH and up until me he always dated women who resemble the BM.
I have always been the type that judged people on the inside rather then the outside. Now having said that before I rant a little BM is ugly on both accounts.
SD not only looks like BM but acts like her as well so I do alot of tongue bitting. The BM in my life is Guatamalian...my DH is Scootch Irish. SD took on no traits from my DH what-so-ever. There are times she will sit and look at DH and say BM told me I have your eyes. Not even close! I just have to remind myself that all kids want to see the attachment to their parents and all parents think they children are beautiful.
However....I do wonder sometimes why he is physically attracted to me when I am almost the complete opposite of what he finds to be attractive.

sd13 looks more like dh -- hair & eye color along with facial hair...

ss10 looks more like bm --- fat face and all....

ss was so cute when he was little, he didn't look like either parent, just a cute kid, he has grown out of that stage and it keeps getting worse...

i never thought sd was that cute, kinda bug eyed looking with super skinny lips..... now the msutache.....

SS looks exactly like his mother. Hair color, eye color, shape of the eyes, spacing etc. It makes it hard to NOT see him as her clone especially when his personality and ever leaning materialistic ways mirror hers. I wish I could see something in his face that remotely resembles DH but I don't. Hopefully, when DH and I have a child together, our child will be look like BOTH of us, not just one parent.

My SD looks very much like her mom although, unfortunately for her, she is built like DH.

My issue has never been that she looks like BM, more that she acts like her, or worse. Only difference being BM has a need to be everyone's friend even if she has to be fake to do it. SD won't put that much effort into any interaction.

The other thing I struggle with is that SD although she is a big girl...tall, overweight...she is also very pretty. She has all of BM's best features but where BM looks cheap, on SD it's a very natural beauty. She is also very photogenic so every picture of her is great. I am often resentful of her for it, or maybe it's jealousy, I don't know. But her attitude overshadows it so in the end people shy away from her.

My DD looks exactly like me.........I worry that it will cause her SM to treat her badly.