Help!!! Need Suggestions!!! BM Alienating SS11 From BD!!!
DH attempted to visit his BS11 this past weekend (despite BM's wishes). SS11 lives in Florida (out of state from DH).
Here's the situation: DH called his son repeatedly leaving messages that he's in town & wants to see him. He asked his son to return his call, to no avail. Also, he left voice messages for BM saying the same thing. Additionally, he passed by her job & left a message for her (she was unavailable) saying, I'm in town for the weekend & I'd like to see my son; call me, to no avail. Okay, BM finally allowed SS11 to call my DH this past Sunday (only to rub in his face that he did not want to see his dad). SS11 did not sound like himself & it seemed as if he had been coached in what to say & that BM was standing next to him (policing his every word). When DH asked SS11 why he didn't want to see him when, he was unable to give a logical reason, saying, "I don't know." SD19 was present (different BM)& she took the phone attempting to talk to SS11 and he was extremely robotic in how he spoke to her (bringing her to tears). BM sent DH a long text message saying how smart her son is and that she cannot make her son call him or go with him if he doesn't want to. She went as far to submit via text that she even tried to bribe him with $200.00 to call him & to go with him but he refused the bribe [SMDH]. This chick is sick & a huge liar! About a month before DH's arrival to Florida, he spoke briefly with his son telling him about his expected trip to Florida to visit with him & if he wanted to see him. SS11 answered [yes] immediately & without hesitation. He then suddenly asked DH to hold the line, put the phone down, & returned moments later only to say, "No, I don't want you to come see me." DH was like why, what's going on? All SS11 could say is, "I don't know." It's just shear madness. Monday, DH went to the court he'd petition to establish a CS order and picked up paperwork for a motion to change CS, visitation, parental responsibility and a motion for contempt.
Btw, I forgot to mention that DH & SD19 did an unannounced visit to SS11's home that Saturday & BM's car was in the parking lot but she refused to answer the door (and movement was heard inside). DH left a note on the door, received the phone call I mentioned earlier, and as a result he now wants to file a motion to report her contempt & to request change for split-custody (if there's such a thing).
We're welcoming any suggestions in how to move forward, etc. or if we have the right paperwork to file. Thanking all of you for your much welcomed input in advance. 
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This it how it started with
This it how it started with us too…. and then we didn't see SD14, (then 11) until a year later...long story. Now things are better, after the custody case was over and the therapy started. But we still have a lot of ground to cover reversing the PAS. You need a lawyer fast, one that knows the PAS lingo. Tell DH that it’s important NOT to overreact with SS, that it isn’t him. DH needs to be really careful not to put ANY pressure on SS. Believe me, it makes it worse. Get a Court Order for visitation and then only, I mean ONLY, discuss the schedule with BM. Do not put the onus on SS to schedule or arrange the trips. Get SS into therapy as soon as possible, someone who can help with PAS.
Sorry you have to go thru this. It’s hell.
The court where the original
The court where the original petition was filed (which is in Florida). DH will have to travel back n forth for court.
We hired a lawyer to handle
We hired a lawyer to handle all the court filings and stuff. We never had to step foot in a court room. The judge usually returns the petition with a preliminary order to mediate, expecially since you are out of state. That can be done over the phone. Our BM moved (on a whim) to another state halfway thru the case so we had to hire a second lawyer to transfer jurisdiction and finish it. It took about a year in all, mainly due to the move. The whole mess ended up costing us 6 grand (credit card), not including therapy for a little over a year for SD to help cope with all the drama. I still wonder if it was worth it. But now at least SD can't say DH abandoned her, like her mother was trying to plant in her brain. Yes we're dealing with the double wammy, long distance and PAS.
Hope that helps.
Yes, it does & thank you so
Yes, it does & thank you so much. DH, said his son called him the other day & that he was for distant (answering short: yes, no, I'm fine, etc.) and he's wondering should he continue with the courts, etc. He said that he wonders how much is coming from his son or is it just simply his BM controlling his every move. I suggested that he go to God in prayer & ask God to show him the way in what he should do. Sometimes we really have to be careful about what we ask for (if you know what I mean).
We pray a lot too! Mostly to
We pray a lot too! Mostly to give SD guidance. Eleven is hard age for many reasons. I few years later, no big deal, a few years younger, no question. It really does come down to how bonded DH and SS are and how they interact when together. We found a lot of comfort in the story of King Solomon’s Wives. (Don't split the baby in two) and tread lightly. We also took our cues from our SD, in that even when she was at her most estranged, she still sent DH hidden messages for us to keep chipping away at the wall.
Good Luck,
Calm