Can I resign from my chauffeur duties?
For the past six years, I have been driving SD14 and SS11 to school. Now that SD14 is in high school, she goes to a different school, so I drop them off at two different schools every morning. I've never liked doing this, but outside of DH's retired parents, I'm the only one (DH has to be at work early). They both sit in the car with me in silence and it's awkward and I just hate it. Now that I'm pregnant, I am looking to the future where when I go back to work, I will be looked to to drop off three kids to three different places EVERY WEEKDAY morning. This is too much for me. SD14's school is literally a five minute walk away and she doesn't like to walk there. I told her a month ago that she needed to start walking because my pregnancy is starting to wear on me and the having to get up 20 minutes early just to get her to school on time wasn't working for me anymore. Yesterday she was late for school because she didn't feel like walking and then had the nerve to keep looking at the clock in the car!
I just want to stop this when the baby gets here. I was going to talk to DH to tell him that I'm definitely not driving SD14 anymore next school year, but to be honest, I don't feel like driving SS11 either (I don't really like being alone with him period). I just don't want to do it anymore. BM is not an option and we live too close to the schools to qualify for the bus. Do I just suck this up for six more years or should I say something to DH?
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If you live too close to the
If you live too close to the schools for them to bus they are plenty close enough to walk! I am the same and BS7 and I walk him to school!
SD14 can definitely walk.
SD14 can definitely walk. SS11 can't. It would probably take him at least 30-40 minutes. I'm not sure why he can't get a bus, maybe it's because it's a charter school?
I don't know. His parents
I don't know. His parents used to do it and I felt bad for them because it wasn't their responsibility. Now....six years later and I'm seriously regretting it.
Yes they are old enough to
Yes they are old enough to walk. Don't they have any friends in the neighborhood that they could walk with? If SD14 had people to meet I'm sure she would try to be more on time or be left once be embarresed and never do it again.
Yep. One of SD's closest
Yep. One of SD's closest friends lives right around the corner. I don't know why she just doesn't meet up with her.
At my high school, if we were
At my high school, if we were late without a note, we got detention. Tell her she can walk, and if she's late, she can suffer the consequences.
I started high school when I was twelve and a half, the year I turned thirteen. I caught a bus. It took me twenty minutes. Before that, my sister and I walked to primary school by ourselves. That was a ten minute walk. I certainly started walking by myself before I was eleven. My mum didn't even have a car until I was fifteen, and even then, I caught the bus.
You need to take care of yourself and your baby. Fourteen is certainly old enough to walk, and so is eleven.
^^ Notthemomma is right, say
Consider it "tough love" practice for your own bio when s/he is born. Sometimes moms have to make tough love decisions (like letting your DH parent his own children and solve his own children's problems despite the fact you've enabled DH for years). No time like the present to start honing this tough love mentality!!
My mom stop taking me to
My mom stop taking me to school once I graduated from elementary school. After that it was my responsibility to get my butt to school, whether that meant walking, taking the school bus or public transportation.
Now that I'm a mother, I adopted the same mentality, and my son has been walking to school since he finished elementary. I just made sure he knew the route to walk and that it was on the main street where all the kids walk. It works out great.
I would just tell the highschooler that she needs to walk to school, no more rides PERIOD! what is she going to do? ditch? blame it on you that she doesnt make it to school on time? If she has tardies and absences that will be on her to make up.
^^^Yep, I was thinking this
^^^Yep, I was thinking this too. What if you have a C-section, you can't even drive for a week assuming everything is healthy. What arrangements are being made for that? Is there a way to make those arrangements permanent?
Do any other parents of kids live in the neighborhood? Would you be able/willing to carpool and therefore only have to worry about it one or two days? (not that you should have to at all just a suggestion to at least lighten the load) If you are working as well, what are the arrangements for the kids to get home from school?
Do the schools have a before/after care program. Guess they will have to get up early with DH and sit at school for an hour.
DH usually picks SS up in the
DH usually picks SS up in the evening because I get off too late. And believe it or not, SD walks home just fine every afternoon! Maybe I can find out what time SS's school opens and DH can drop him off an hour early.
Yeah...that is another
Yeah...that is another discussion that I have to have. The baby is due the week before school starts. There's no way I can go back to driving everyone around.
I'm not afraid to tell my husband, but I know asking his parents will be a big deal. His mother likes to constantly bring up any and everything she does for him and his father gets irritated. Plus I know they will be wondering why I'm not doing it.
SS had a half day today and yesterday DH was hinting around that he would need to take a half day to get him since his parents were going to be out of town. I know he wanted me to volunteer to get him since I'm about 15 minutes away, but I just ignored him. I've told him repeatedly that I don't like picking up SS nor really being alone with him. He sits in the car and rarely says anything.
Can I resign from my
Can I resign from my chauffeur duties?
Yes, please resign. It should never have been your duty in the first place.
His parents used to do it and I felt bad for them because it wasn't their responsibility
It's not your responsibility, either. It really isn't.
SD14's school is literally a five minute walk away and she doesn't like to walk there
Who gives a rat's ass what she likes? I don't like going to work everyday or paying taxes, guess who cares? Nobody.
Do I just suck this up for six more years
Absolutely not. You need to have a chat with your DH and tell him that you are not doing it anymore. If you were not in the picture or not able, they would have to figure something out. Time to start figuring, even if he wants to put it back on his parents, which he should not.
You might let your DH know that he is raising his children to be lazy and entitled.
I was driving to OSS's home,
I was driving to OSS's home, picking him up and driving him to school for awhile until I saw his mother's car parked out front twice. the first time dh told me she was sick. I let that slide. the second time I knew I was being taken advantage of and told dh that night I was done. yeah, he didn't like it, but he made other arrangements. your dh won't like it but this is your 1st step in not becoming a door mat. once you begin feeling resentful about something you're doing for someone, it's time to stop or your anger will come out in other ways that could destroy your marriage. nobody likes a martyr. speak up hon. you have a little one on the way and if your dh can't take care of the kids he already has, he will never help you take care of your child together.
EXACTLY. and, it didn't
EXACTLY. and, it didn't "destroy" your marriage, either. I think women are too scared of being alone so just take on more and more until they lose themselves. NEVER be afraid of losing a man.
I spoke with DH last night
I spoke with DH last night and he agreed that SD14 needs to walk next year and she needs to walk the remainder of this year as well (they have a week left). As far as SS11, he offered to send him to a different school that has a bus, but I wasn't really comfortable with uprooting him from a school he has been going to since kindergarten. So we will have to come up with something else. He also agreed that when he has to work Saturday and Sundays (which his job requires a few times a year), he will have his parents watch the kids for one of the days.