I'm pregnant....hiding it from BM!
I'm pregnant and me and DH have made the decision to hide it from BM because it will most likely set her off and maybe even cause her to move back to our state. She has kept her distance from the kids for the most part after they cut her off. We just told the kids the other night and asked them to keep the information to themselves and not even tell their mother's side of the family. They agreed completely! They even said that they knew their aunt would tell their mother immediately and their mother would be upset.
Has anyone had to do this? How long were you able to keep it a secret?
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I refuse to keep anything a
I refuse to keep anything a secret from BM however I'm sure FDH would rather not "tell" her certain things. The way I look at it it's our life and we can live it anyway we choose because her opinion shouldn't affect us. If she wants to get upset about something we are doing then that's on her crazy ass. It doesn't affect her in anyway. FDH and I will def. not be having children together, however we are in the process of buying a house. The only reason for BM getting upset is jealousy. So let her be jealous. And let her mourn the loss of what she thought her perfect life with your SO should have been. She should have already mourned that loss when he left. But these women seem to hold onto the hope that the man will come back or that they can convince them to because they can't let go and get the eff over it. I've gone through two failed relationships that involved children and I can honestly say that letting go was not an issue. As a matter of fact I thanked the next one after me because they were keeping the guy out of my hair....... I really don't understand why some
Women can't just get over it.
Yeah...I wish we could
Yeah...I wish we could dismiss her like that but we can't. We don't care about the jealousy or her being upset. We are very concerned about her coming back into the kids' lives and causing turmoil and chaos and restarting the abuse. The kids have been with us fulltime for almost two years and they've never been happier. She moved 800 miles away and has stayed away. This news has the potential to change that.
Our BM is mentally ill. Diagnosed and all. Nothing she does makes sense. She will view this baby as a reason why DH shouldn't have the kids anymore since he will have another child.
I'm in the camp of "don't
I'm in the camp of "don't tell her but don't hide it either" because if you do, then that means you're (we're) letting BM control our lives. It was something decided a long time ago that we will live our lives as we see fit, without taking her (or taking as little of her) into consideration as possible.
I think they will make every
I think they will make every effort not to. We told them last summer that we were planning on having a baby and they kept that secret. However, this is different. The baby is here. But they more than anyone knows how their mother will react. They enjoy the peace and quiet as much as we do and hopefully will try and maintain it...lol
We didn't feel comfortable keeping it from them, because it's their sibling and we are a family and they should share in the joy.
We thought about hiding it
We thought about hiding it for a while and felt pretty bad about it. Plus, I am showing at this point. When we told my SS, he said he noticed I had put on weight and thought maybe I should start working out. We all wished him good luck on his future girlfriends with that mouth.
If BM had any kind of lengthy contact, we are absolutely sure she would tell the kids that DH and I will no longer love them and that we have our own family now and they will be discarded. Absolutely positive.
How exciting for you! Great
How exciting for you! Great news. It is NONE of her business how many children you choose to bring into YOUR life, you have every right to keep it to yourself for as long as you chose too. I would probably do the same thing in your shoes. But I would calmly start making up alternate plans for the day she may find out and start crap.....ie ways to handle her crazy, I am sure you know her patterns well by now and just how to shut her out if need be.