Where do I start. I have given up emotionally on wanting a relationship with my SC. Too much history and damage. My husband is critical because he is a step dad to my son and criticizes that since he "knows what it is like" because he is a step dad to my son, that he expects a lot more from me than I can do. I get things thrown in my face. Be a good mother (I am a good mother to my kids but he wants me to mother his kids) do the right thing. We are a package deal. You get out what you put into it. This is my favorite of all the pathetic one liners that he uses to try to guilt me into behaving the way he wants me to.

For starters I now hate my step kids. It didn't start out that way. I had never even met any of them until after I was married to their father. He had been cut off from them for 3 years prior. Long story there. The BM is evil for what she has done to him and the kids. She engaged in parental alienation tactics.

So even when we did finally get to see his kids it was short lived before there was more separation. BM has gotten away with claiming all sorts of reasons, like kids are scared of their dad, (sure they are after being cut off from him and indoctrinated to believe it) so legal professionals air on the side of caution and that itself had become a separate cause of the alienation. Even when my husband got some visits enforced his oldest daughter would refuse to come or after she would come she would make up how awe up it was and BM would support her because that is really what BM wants is for their kids to hate their dad. I went into this marriage wanting to make a difference, believing I could make a difference, trying to make a difference. All my efforts have failed. Each of my SC have their own personalities but due to coming from being raised by the same mom they are manipulative and emotionally screwed up. They emotionally protect their mom. They will lie for her. They are manipulated by her.

So, it may sound like these kids deserve sympathy, as if they are innocent victims but I don't feel that way anymore. I have now had ample opportunity with each of them to try to bond with them and show them what we (their dad and I are all about) to hopefully make them want to spend time with us. But now I could care less about this.

The older SS, who is now 17, was put in state custody at age ,14. His relationship with BM is toxic but she has a hold on him all the same. The state tried placing him with us, I tried to be a parent to him. I tried to care. He has ODD, ADHD, depression. He is impulsive and wants what he wants at all cost. Became impossible to have here. My husband did kick him out of our home. I tried even after that to have a relationship with him but after awhile he got into his moms good graces again and to be in good with her is better when the kids are anti dad. Also, over time I just don't like what this boy has become. I have no desire in any way to open myself up again. It is just too damn frustrating to think you are doing good and then have my SS do a complete 180 and my husband and I are back to being nothing.

My SD who is now 19. Was a teen when my husband was finally able to get court enforced visitation. She would periodically come over and I would think the visit went great then the next time she would refuse to come over and claim all sorts of garbage and her mom would go along with it (after all, this is her desire all along, to have her kids hate their dad). At 18 SD had a falling out with her mom. After this she came to us to actually spend time getting to know us. It seemed to go well, she even lived with us as we tried to help her get on her feet. She claimed that all the shenanigans from before was her doing what was necessary to survive her mothers home. I tried giving her the benefit of the doubt and opened myself up again. I busted my butt to do right by her. Drive her to work. Not put to much pressure on her. Treat her like an adult. Then it was like a blow to the stomach, she announced one day she was moving to Oregon with an aunt on her moms side and two days later she was gone. The was 2 weeks away from starting college and she bolted because the going got tough. I found out later from her boyfriend that it was my fault that my SD felt she had to leave. It became clear that the SD has picked up manipulative tactics from her mother and plays the victim role. So I now became her new excuse for being a loser.

Then my youngest SS who is now 14 came to live with us last November, at his request. Bathe previous year he failed in school. My husband (his dad) and I are like minded when it comes to expectations. Bit became hell to work with his SS to get him to perform in school. He maintained a 2.5 GPA while with is. I devoted at least 15 hours a week helping him. Also during this time, after every visit with mom he would be a basket case. He would worry that his mom would become suicidal because her kids abandoned her. Did I mention she is extremely emotionally manipulative. By the summer my SS moved back with mom because living with us was harder because we actually gave him structure that he wasn't used to. BM lets her kids call the shots when it serves her purpose. Then after all that we did, the 24 yr old SS started to say he was scared that his dad might hurt him so he didn't want to come for visits. Bruise starting all this drama all over again. After putting so much effort into really trying to help, be a parent to, and to try to bond with them my efforts have been sabotaged everytime.

All the kids are old enough in my opinion that they can be accountable for their own actions and decisions. They may be manipulated but they have thus learned to manipulate. I have grown to really not like who they have become as people. I feel used and abused and I am fed up. For the lag 4 months I am fine until it is the weekend for SS14 to come over. His very presence makes me angry. I feel extreme animosity toward him. My husband criticizes me. He tells me that I am being immature. We get in fights over his kids now at least every other week. I don't want to speak to his SS. In fact I want to make his time here as miserable as I feel. I know it's not right but I feel that I have been pushed here and that my husband expects me to be a good step mother to his kids because that is what he expects and thinks is right. Any feelings I express are criticized so I have grown to have resentment toward my husband as wells.

I am torn. I hate his ex so much that the thought of her winning makes me want to puke (by winning I mean somehow prove her right, that their dad is really doesn't care about them). Yet I am tired of the fight that will never result in the relationship I had once hoped for. No cant trust any of his kids as I don't believe anything that comes out of their mouth, even an apology from them to me is insincere and doesn't make any difference. So now I get accused of being an asexual person because his son is trying and I am not.

My Husband constantly judges me and I just don't measure up. He tries to bully me by threatening to treat my son badly. I finally called his bluff last night and told him to treat my son however he wanted because it would only result in bad blood between them and would not affect my relationship as his moms. I told him if he was ok with the consequences then OK. The truth is, that I don't care if my actions are now the reason that there is no relationship with his kids because I really don't care anymore. Bi don't want a relationship with them. I became too toxic for me.

My current struggle is that not wanting a relationship with them does not mean that I have to be mean to them.., but right now I struggle to be around SS14 and not be mean and completely dismissive and ignore him when he is at our house. I know it frustrates him. Bye asks his dad what he can do. His dad says to try this or that. What my husband is not understanding is that I am done for the moment. There is mothing his son can do right now to repair the relationship because I'm not interested and as far as I am concerned there was never a relationship, or at least not for one worth saving. There is no trust.

While living with us SS14 mentioned one time that his mom spanked them with a wooden spoon. The only shock in this was that BM has made my husband out to be unforgivably abusive because he spanked for a time with a belt (until child services told him it was unacceptable) he hasn't spanked any of his kids since. Recently SS14 called out of the blue to tell his dad that it never really happened. What is the truth? No feel like SS14 is a spy when he comes over.b who Windows what will make it back to his mom and how she will realist it. It wouldn't be a big deal except my husband still has a mending modification to try to get custody. I have heard in court how his ex twists what she hears from SS14. This adds to the lack of trust. I just really don't care anymore if they hate me or don't like me. I just wish my husband would just understand and quit judging me as a bad person.