He shouldn't get mad that you want to spend time with your kids on your week off.

Stick to your guns. You spend the week with your kids and he can spend it with his.

Explain to him that you and your children are not part of his family. They have had 4 years to include you and now it is too late.

You never know whether you could end up building bridges there. By not going, you are burning those bridges and that's a shame. Sometimes it's not about whether you want to do something, it's about doing what is expected of you as his wife. If you don't go, you are giving the in-laws another reason to maintain their distance from you. I say go, be as nice as pie. Show them that you and DH are a solid couple, you don't have to play happy families with his kids, just be there for DH. Make it clear to him that you do not want to go but that you are doing this to make an effort for him. You might even enjoy it. I have stepped back a lot from DH's family because they have made it clear they will always view me as a lesser person for not having kids with DH. But recently I have started to force myself to spend more time with them and I have to say I have actually enjoyed their company for the first time in four years. How can people get to like you if they don't see you?

Sorry that this is probably not what you want to hear and seems to go against what everyone else is saying. I am the original doormat, so probably best not to take advice from me! : )

Well I put myself out time and time and time again for DHs family. For years I made the 4 hour drive to visit FIL, whilst there, I cooked, cleaned, washed and ironed for him. We slept in an air mattress on the floor, and I suffer from a bad back, the entire time we would spend there the conversations within the family would take place in Italian, I am Scottish, and they are well aware I do not speak or understand proper Italian, let alone their dialect, then we would have the 4 hour drive home, where it would take anything up to 2 weeks to get my back to a place where I could manage the pain. In all those years they had excuse after excuse for not visiting us. I was friendly, polite, respectful of their way of doing things, I never refused to go, and I never complained to my husband, except over the speaking in Italian thing, which to this day I still think was very rude. I acknowledged, attended, bought gifts for all their family weddings, births etc., My kids weddings, births of my grandchildren, not even mentioned.

My reward. My husbands daughter, AKA Spawn of Satan, who had spoken to FIL her grandfather probably 3 times in 12 years, got pregnant and told DH if he wanted to see the baby he had to leave me, decided to return to the fold and go running to nono when daddy didn't leave me, and cry, daddy won't see my baby. Long story, but by this time I had told her she wasn't welcome here after years of abuse, and the baby was the straw that broke the camels back. Again long story. However I digress, my reward, FIL made it clear I wasn't welcome in his home, stopped speaking to me, and told this piece of work that she and her boyfriend could come to my house anytime they wanted too and just ignore me. Hell, they needed a lawn mower, and again FIL said, take theirs, don't take any notice of her.

I'm guessing I let them have it all their own way without complaint for years, I acted like the housekeeper, and they treated me like that in the end, I was disposable. Stand up for yourself. If they are not prepared to meet in the middle, not prepared to acknowledge you or your kids, then don't go. You see I kept going and the message I gave them was that it was okay for them to treat me the way they did.

No, that is absolutely not too much to ask. I'm wondering why your husband is grabbing that opportunity with both hands and running with it. Also, I am wondering even moreso why he and his family are putting you in such an awkward and uncomfortable position. Wat own earth is BM doing coming round for visits when you two go there. She can see her former in laws whenever she likes, no heed for her to be marking her territory when you go up for a visit. That's awful. Your husband needs to put a stop to that.