Where the heck do I begin!! First off I would like to say how thankful I am that I found this site. I have been reading some posts....and Oh my, i am not alone!!

I married my now husband almost 2 years ago. He has 2 kids a boy 13 and a girl 11. I have a daughter who is 10. Before we were married things seemed ok with the ex wife and kids. She is remarried and has 2 new kids. But one day shit hit the fan. We had the kids at that time 3 days on 3 days off. Which was really hard on us as well as the kids. The bio mom would always ask to get the kids during my husbands time for things that she had planned (why she couldnt plan these things during her time was beyond me) but we werent married yet, so I tried to not put my nose in their business too much. His son at this time had just turned 11. He never wanted to do anything or go anywhere. When we would do things he would pout and say he was sick or ask to go to his grandmothers house(bio moms mom).It was miserable to ever do anything. My husband and his ex have joint legal and physical custody, nobody pays either child support. Well, one weekend it started, it was our time with the kids and the bio mom asked to get them for a couple hours, she had plans for something. So, my husband let her get them, we had plans for later that day when the kids got home to go to a festival in town. Of course the boy didnt want to go and he was mad. But we told him we were going to have a family day and have fun. Not even 15 mins after she picked them up my husband got a phone call from bio's brother cussing him out saying that the boy just told his mom that I called him "dickless"!! I would never do such a thing, I love that child has if he was my own, but even so I would never call a child a name. But they werent hearing it. The mom wouldnt call and talk about it, she avoided us like the plaque. She kept him away from us for a month, sent custody papers that she was taking my husband to court to take the kids away and everything. All this because he didnt want to go to the festival. As the court stuff started the boy had to go to couseling and its funny but we never heard anything else about what i supposably called him, the whole story changed to daddy is mean and has anger problems. My husband is a great father, he is very involved. I lost my daughters father in a car accident when she was 11 months old and I have no problem with my husband raising her. It was a horrible time in our lives. Bio's mom was the real problem she was way too involved and caused alot of the problems. When we first started dating, before all this she showed up at my husbands house everyday literally. The court ordered the boy to she a couseler about this and she say right through it. She said that all he could remember is what his mom and grandmother told him about his dad not his own memories and that the grandmothers involvment was the main problem. After not seeing his son for a month we finally went to court and won! The judge saw right through it too. So, now we have the kids week on week off. She came VERY close to losing custody because of the amount of time the kids miss school while with her. Long story short and I am leaving a ton out.
Anyway, we got the kids back and decided to go strictly by the papers. We do not let her have them on our time, that is OUR time. She does ask though, all the time.

On to how the kids act....When they are with her and we see them at sporting/school events they act like they don't know us, its like they are scared for their mom to know that they actually like us. I swear she bombards them with questions all the time about what goes on at our house and talks badly about us. We have a very normal home. The kids have chores that they do saturday morning, they do their homework right when they get home and we make sure it is done, they take showers and actually wash, and they have friends in the neighborhood that they play with. They dont just sit in the house and watch tv and play video games. We limit the boys time to 2 hours per day and none during the school week.

When we get them back from BM the girls hair is super greasey like it hasnt been washed in days, both of their faces are broken out and they have missed several homework assignments. We play catch up all week for what they missed while with BM.

One of the main reasons her and my husband divorced (other than her cheating) was the fact that she was lazy. She never cleaned and the house was always a mess. She has never worked, but she is "too busy" to clean. One of our main issues now is we know that her home now is a mess. We have NEVER been inside. When we drop the kids off or have to go by for something she is always outside waiting. If ever we do (rarely) have to go to the door, she barely opens it and squeezes out and shuts the door very fast. The outside of her house has crap every where, it is embarrassing even going over there. The kids told us they arent allowed to have friends over because mama doesnt want anyone to see the inside of the house (CRAP). They tell us she doesnt have time to clean because she is taking care of her new younger kids (who are 4 and 5) and she would have to clean everyday....guess what so do i!! Keep in mind she doesnt work, but she cant clean!!! What do we do about this??