How anyone can make BM happy is beyond me. She's all over the place with her expectations.
One day BM uses the "I'm the PARENT" speech with us regarding her daughter that we help her to raise, SD5. She freaks out if DF and I do anything that makes us look like the parents -- because neither of us are -- such as going to a school event.
The next day, BM says to DF, "You guys need to go through daughter's back pack because I went through it this weekend and there was a ton of crap in it." I go through it every time we have SD to make sure she doesn't have homework or important notes or library books that are almost due. She usually just has projects and drawings and little books that she's made in school. I thought that BM probably wants to keep those and would be mad at us that we are keeping everything...because SHE'S the PARENT. Wrong! She wants us to purge things nightly when we have SD.
Whatever, BM. Just keep picking and choosing which parenting things you would like to do on any given day.
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um. hem. why are you taking
um. hem. why are you taking directions from someone who doesn't LIVE with you or pay your bills. she should be telling the daughter what she wants. not you.
she opens her mouth to you, you say "okay, i'm done" and hang up. don't respond. just *click*.
Well of course she tells
Well of course she tells these things to DF who doesn't think anything of them (as he is used to her barking orders) and then he tells me and then I knock some sense into him. After I explained last night that she is so here-and-there, he agreed but he then said that if she'll let us keep some of the school stuff then he'd like to....which is fine, it just bugs me that BM picks and chooses when she wants to be the "parent".
@stepingup I wish I could
@stepingup I wish I could speak to you, I'm dealing with the same situation. Now I'm not as nice as you are my FH has a daughter he raised since she was 1 1/2 then he and BM had a daughter together they separated when the oldest was around 7. FH still continued to take both girls for visits. We have been together for 3yrs and at first I was ok with the situation they have been to my home for weeks during the summer but.....BM only considers him the oldest SD's father when she's asking for money. He can't even get her hair done not cut or permanently changed just braids he basicly has no say in anything. I'm feeling used and am getting very resentfull about the whole situation and just do not want to be bothered with the oldest anymore. FH pays CS and has very little left after so when there in my house I help to feed and entertain them. I paid for the trip we took to FL to visit his family( his Mom was ill and I just lost my Mom so I thought it was really important tomorrow isn't promised to anyone), we took the oldest when we could have taken the youngest and my daughter who has most of her father's family in FL. I'm totally frustrated and not sure how to handle things now.
Yes IamTryin!! Your situation
Yes IamTryin!! Your situation is almost exactly the same as mine! I often feel like we are just being used by BM, and it makes me feel really bad for SD5 because her mother would rather have her own free time to go out and party than have her daughter in her physical custody. At this time, because SD goes to her bio-dad's every other weekend and to our house 3-4 days a week including the opposite weekend, BM actually sees her own daughter LESS than we do, and BM is the one getting child support for her from her bio dad, plus child support that my fiance pays her.
I feel like things are going to get more complicated as SD gets older...when she needs money for this and that. Right now she doesn't cost a lot of money to take care of, but we do feel obligated to take her on family trips and vacations as well. It's very hard to balance the feelings that I have for her (I do truly love her and care for her well-being) and the resentment I feel for the situation and how BM manipulates it, making DF feel like he HAS to take her and if he ever backed out on that, that he's the one being a bad parent, since he raised her from 6 months old.
I agree he should have
I agree he should have handled it differently. I think we had a realy rough couple of months with her and it seems to be smoothing out again so he must be trying not to make waves...but I still think he needs to emphasize with her that she doesn't dictate what we do.